Starting over...for the final time (pain DB VI)

[Twofeet]

Ok pain I need to take a step back and ask for clarification on your last post because it raises my hackles and pisses me off.

You are in MC not IC ? Your W is cheating on you.... dude.
You f@$%ing MC said OM is a good man? Yeah good men get into R with adulterous married women. REAL f@#$ing good. Guess MC would suggest it's ok for D4 to start calling OM daddy, right?
Yeah so wtf is your W bringing D4 around OM and your not even D. What kind of example does that set? I don't know what your state laws are like but the lawyers I talked said that is a hard no.
Jealousy about not allowing your D4 to see OM and W. Dude time to drop MC like a sack of sh!t. Go find a pro marriage counselor.
WTF is wrong with society, when this behavior is ok?

Unless I am misunderstanding your sitch, and if so I am sorry, but time to get your balls back.

[Terapin]

I have seen one where the man finally had enough of the WW's bs, and he actually became a WAH ......and it yanked his WW's senses back into her head. But it was b/c he found his b@lls, not b/c of in-house separation leading to reconciliation.

Hoosjim!

There’s a similar story in DR, where the guy says, “Fine, if you want out, get out!” And the W says, oooh, he’s back to being his strong self again. Brett and Stella, pp. 121-124.

I can partially attest to this. May not be the whole reason, but W was completely 'done' until I picked up D papers and gave her a separation agreement. That and a few other things kind of snapped her back into reality. Wasn't like she jumped back into my arms begging for forgiveness, but at least opened her eyes to 'oh damn, [censored]'s getting real'

[equalzr]

Ok pain I need to take a step back and ask for clarification on your last post because it raises my hackles and pisses me off.

You are in MC not IC ? Your W is cheating on you.... dude.
You f@$%ing MC said OM is a good man? Yeah good men get into R with adulterous married women. REAL f@#$ing good. Guess MC would suggest it's ok for D4 to start calling OM daddy, right?
Yeah so wtf is your W bringing D4 around OM and your not even D. What kind of example does that set? I don't know what your state laws are like but the lawyers I talked said that is a hard no.
Jealousy about not allowing your D4 to see OM and W. Dude time to drop MC like a sack of sh!t. Go find a pro marriage counselor.
WTF is wrong with society, when this behavior is ok?

Unless I am misunderstanding your sitch, and if so I am sorry, but time to get your balls back.

Ive been asking myself that for at least the last year. Ecen IC are condoning it. M truly seems to be a dying institution.

[Phoenix9]

Ok pain I need to take a step back and ask for clarification on your last post because it raises my hackles and pisses me off.

You are in MC not IC ? Your W is cheating on you.... dude.
You f@$%ing MC said OM is a good man? Yeah good men get into R with adulterous married women. REAL f@#$ing good. Guess MC would suggest it's ok for D4 to start calling OM daddy, right?
Yeah so wtf is your W bringing D4 around OM and your not even D. What kind of example does that set? I don't know what your state laws are like but the lawyers I talked said that is a hard no.
Jealousy about not allowing your D4 to see OM and W. Dude time to drop MC like a sack of sh!t. Go find a pro marriage counselor.
WTF is wrong with society, when this behavior is ok?

I don't like it either. I was taken aback as well.

And if you want to be specific, he is a Relationship/family counselor. Take that for what it is. I have been seeing him for months and he has given me a rulebook on what to do and not to do in my next R.

Where I live is a no fault state. So...TS for me.


Except there are folks who agree with some of what I say, and others who don't.

Unless I am misunderstanding your sitch, and if so I am sorry, but time to get your balls back.

Work in progress, amigo. Work in progress. You're not misunderstanding anything. This is a sticky one with many different viewpoints.

Just like the song lyrics I posted:

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me

[Phoenix9]

Day 87:



Last night, talked with W for a few minutes about MC session. She heard me and then talked about that I can be nice without being "nice". Wants to open up to me because she has to unload stuff that has been in her heart since this thing got started. She says there is anger and sorrow involved. She ended the conversation by saying that we need to be "us" and help get each other through to the other side. Told her again that we are not the same couple. We're different and I do not know what the dynamics of "us" entails. Other than that, I just validated and did not agree or disagree.

Painted pumpkins and D4, had dinner, replied to a post here, and went to sleep.

Exhausted. I'm "sleeping" more, but I'm waking up tired. But on the upside, I did not need to take Xanax to sleep, so that's a good sign.

I woke up, prayed, showered, made my bed, had breakfast with D4 and now at work.

Feeling numb. And taking the song lyrics of In The Waiting Line to heart. So many people telling me so much. All good advice and I listen to it all. It's processing the information and ultimately making my own decisions that will allow me to move forward.

Considering being a WAH, which may involve a OW. I don't know. It screams "bad idea!", but it also could be the 180 needed to turn my life around. I don't know.

[equalzr]

If your going to be a WAH, do it to be a WAH, dont do it for an OW.

[Phoenix9]

If your going to be a WAH, do it to be a WAH, dont do it for an OW.

Even if it's just casual (physical)?

Risky question for me to ask, but better to ask and get feedback then let only my emotions control this.

[Twofeet]

Pain18,

I wouldn't do it. As equalzr said do it for you if you are going to do it. Getting into another R and with an OW sounds like a recipe for disaster on all parts. You need to heal and center yourself before you move onto a new R. An R or OW shouldn't be what defines you or makes you happy. You define you, you are what gives you joy and happiness.

[sandi2]

Let me ask you this, do WW feel their R with OM is genuine? Or do they know in the pit of their thinking that it's wrong?

What does the "R" mean in your question, relationship or reconciliation?

[Phoenix9]

Sandi: R for Relationship. W is not reconciling with OM.

TF, I hear you. Do you categorize a purely physical NSA with no expectations an R?

Not trying to justify my actions, I just want as a much detailed answer as possible.

*bracing myself for 2x4 whacking*