Things continue to progress in a positive direction, albeit slowly. Had our 3rd MC session this week. I really like our therapist. Again, she's very pro marriage. The 'physical touch' issue (or lack thereof) came up again, and W said that she's more receptive to it now because she doesn't have to worry about a simple touch leading to the expectation of sex. lol. I don't know if that's good or bad, but MC said it's positive. W also said that this time she feels my 'changes' are different. In the past if I'd change somethign about myself (doing more around the house, etc), she felt it was in order to get sex. Probably true. MC said in a way that's normal for men. But this time W gets a completely different vibe from me, and feels what I'm doing is without expectations.
MC asked us to think about a few things from our past that we hold as resentments for each other, and we'll discuss them moving forward. She said not to dwell on past mistakes, but if there's a legit issue we're having trouble getting past, we should deal with it in order to get over it. That kind of freaks me out a bit. I pretty much know what W is going to say (didn't help enough when son was born, self centered, etc). But I'm not sure what I'll bring to the table, since most of my complaints revolved around lack of intimacy, affirmation, etc. Well, aside from her recent EA.
Oh, W had tentative plans to go out of town this weekend for a college friends birthday party. She decided not to go, and instead made plans for us to go to a haunted house. She has been sleeping in our bed again all week too.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Glad to read the good news T. Just keep doing what works. Patience is a key factor. I like what Steve wrote: keep healthily detached. Eyes open, heart open, no rush, moving forward. It seems W is there with you. Great!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Thanks guys. Yeah, things are looking up, but certainly not out of the woods yet.
I did make somewhat of a mistake at MC, when the 'love languages' topic was brought up again. Basically I said something like 'I'm fine with things, but in a way it seems weird that I'm working on meeting her primary language (acts of service), but my primary language (physical touch) is completely off the table for the foreseeable future.' Therapist said she understood and a lot of guys say that, but we need to make small steps to get back to that. W agreed. I didn't say it exactly like that, but that was the gist of it.
W also said that she was really disappointed that we didn't get to go to a wedding last week due to her sister coming into town. Our first MC session W really didn't say very much. The 2nd session she was pretty vocal, expressing her complaints against me. This last session she was much more complimentary of me and seemed much more into 'making us work'. I just have to stay the course
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Just work on filling up her love bucket. She has a lot of stuff to "get past" (*barf). Even though you want her to make the moves and show you the love, if you're really committed to this, you'll continue to do what needs to be done.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Hi all. Just wanted to give a quick update since it's been a few days.
Last weekend was pretty good. Hung out Friday night binge watching a Netflix show, then Saturday went to a haunted house with friends. W actually put her arm around me at one point in line.
The next few days were fine, not much conversation mostly because she now has the same miserable head cold I had last week.
Have another MC appointment today. This one worries me, cause the counselor wants us to bring some past resentments we each have to discuss. I pretty much know what W is going to say, but the only real 'resentment', or specific event that I've not gotten over is the recent OM sitch. I'm not sure how to discuss it, or if it's even good to discuss it at this time. Oh well, we'll see what happens.
Anyway, overall things continue moving in a positive direction, albeit slowly, which is fine.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
