My guess is that your MIL talked to her daughter. She probably told her how hard it would be on the kids, right as the holidays are approaching. She may have encouraged W to seek professional help. As a mother, these are things I would probably ask my D, especially if I was fond of my SIL.
Her note sounded very polite. I can see how it might be difficult for you not to get hopeful, thinking this is your W "reaching out" to you and suggesting you talk and seek counseling. I think you will feel that you have to meet to hear what she has to say...….b/c you'll think if you turn it down that you'll always wonder if that was your chance to save the MR and you didn't take it. There have been many LBH's to go through this same experience, and they can't help themselves. They jump on everything that moves.
I wish having a heart to heart would change the direction of things, but if she has some other guy waiting in the wings, I don't think a heart to heart will work.....nor will MC. I do agree that you shouldn't respond with something that sounds like you are simply playing games.
Quote
I was thinking of responding with something simple like " W, I would welcome an opportunity to have a dialogue and I am willing to talk to you next week after I return home. Once I know my exact schedule, I will let you know what day(s) work best for me.
Well, I would leave out the "Welcome an opportunity to have a dialogue". I would say something like, I will agree to hear what you have to say". As I said, I don't think you'll miss the chance for the R talk, so I will give you some thoughts as though you are meeting with her.
* Meet in a public place, so if things don't go well, you can get up and walk away whenever you want. * This is not the time to make jokes, clown around, try to flirt, etc. Be civil, calm, and serious. Act as if it is a business meeting. Be confident above everything else. That's most important. * Be prepared to listen, rather than you trying to talk. This is not a talk to reconcile. She just wants to "air her feelings". She really is not interested in hearing anything you have to say, b/c she already knows how you feel. So, go with the intention of just listening. * Tell her to come alone. Some H's who have experienced meeting for a discussion, were shocked when the WW brought her BFF or father, or someone else. So, tell her not to bring company along if she wants to have a talk with you. * Listen to hear if she talks about reconciling and doing whatever it takes to save the MR. Does she talk about wanting to save her family, or is talking about herself. Is she willing to end all contact of any kind with OM? Listen carefully to hear if this all about her feelings. Listen to hear what she is willing to do.....other than just attending MC. Is she really willing to roll up her sleeves and work on the MR, or is she looking for a divorce counselor that just tells you how to transition everyone into their new life? If you'll listen closely, I think she'll give herself away. Oh, and if she should say something about acting as if none this ever happened and pick up where the MR left off...…..get up and walk out. That is a sure sign of a WW who does not want to do the necessary work. * Observe her emotions. Is she calm? Does she seem humble, haughty, cold, distant, overly friendly, etc. Does she appear peaceful, hurt, or angry? Is her anger barely under control? Can you see her anger when she talks about your faults in the downfall of the MR? Is crying? (Don't let tears confuse you, or make you feel sorry for her, b/c they are for herself.) How does she talk about the kids? * Do not tell her you don't want a divorce! She already knows it. Repeating it only sounds weak to her ears.
You may be able to come to some conclusions during the talk, but if you are not entirely certain and want to discuss it with the board....then tell her you will think it over and get back to her. IMHO, this is an opportunity for you to show your strength. No matter what she says or how emotional she gets, you are the stronger person. She can't make you break down in front of her. She can't force you to make promises, or plead with her. She can't make you act in any way that would indicate you are emotionally weak.
I may be wrong, but I highly doubt this meeting is a sign that she's having second thoughts. I think it is her way of getting through the holidays and trying to keep Mama off her back. That's my first thought. My second thought is that Plan A is a little shaky right now, so she wants to secure Plan B for the next couple of months.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Please start a new thread and link your threads. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
