I have seen one where the man finally had enough of the WW's bs, and he actually became a WAH ......and it yanked his WW's senses back into her head. But it was b/c he found his b@lls, not b/c of in-house separation leading to reconciliation.
Hoosjim!
No, it wasn't him. Hoosjim and his W were not separated (in-house or otherwise), however, he did get fed up and she knew the minute it happened. In that instant, I think there was no doubt in her mind what she wanted. Until then.....she had held him at arm's length and kept him dangling, worrying, wondering, and guessing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think you can 2x4 yourself....you having your own A with a OW with no expectations is contradictory because you know your expectations will be that you will instantly detach or that informing W will bring her right back. Won't happen, tried it.
Working on GAL and meeting new people including women I think can be very healthy, but if you are just looking to jump in the sack you are messing with yourself and your sitch. Again you are looking for the silver bullet and it doesn't exist....it is a process.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I think you can 2x4 yourself....you having your own A with a OW with no expectations is contradictory because you know your expectations will be that you will instantly detach or that informing W will bring her right back. Won't happen, tried it.
Working on GAL and meeting new people including women I think can be very healthy, but if you are just looking to jump in the sack you are messing with yourself and your sitch. Again you are looking for the silver bullet and it doesn't exist....it is a process.
I hear you too. But I'm not trying to get W back anymore. I am just trying to get my physical urges met in as healthy way as possible. But going that route sounds and feels extremely risky but again, I asked because I want to know what the consensus is.
Besides, I 2x4 myself a lot. Been doing a lot most of my life and has contributed towards not only my sitch but my overall mental and emotional health. And I do/did it as a way of punishment/self-harm. You all do it because you care.
Personally I could not do a fwb or nsa relationship because I know myself enough to know I would get attached. A sexual experience with another person over a long enough time creates attachment. For some people it's just one time. When you have sex your brain releases oxytocin which cause an increase in trust and bonding, which in turn could make you susceptible to make bad decisions. Now some people overcome this and can treat it as purely causal, but I am not one of those people. The way I was raised was love should come first before sex, society for the most part seems to put sex first. If you have biological needs you can address those by yourself. If I read your sitch right you went 27 years without sex, while no sex $ucks you wouldn't die without it. If you are needing an emotional connection I don't have an answer. That is something you have to figure out, I definitely crave that emotional connection with my W which feels even worse since one of my primary LL is physical touch.
I think you should reflect on yourself and determine your strengths and weaknesses, your morals, values, goals. If a NSA/FWB is something that you can do and you understand the pros and cons of it then you can determine if it suites you.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Personally I could not do a fwb or nsa relationship because I know myself enough to know I would get attached. A sexual experience with another person over a long enough time creates attachment. For some people it's just one time. When you have sex your brain releases oxytocin which cause an increase in trust and bonding, which in turn could make you susceptible to make bad decisions. Now some people overcome this and can treat it as purely causal, but I am not one of those people. The way I was raised was love should come first before sex, society for the most part seems to put sex first. If you have biological needs you can address those by yourself. If I read your sitch right you went 27 years without sex, while no sex $ucks you wouldn't die without it. If you are needing an emotional connection I don't have an answer. That is something you have to figure out, I definitely crave that emotional connection with my W which feels even worse since one of my primary LL is physical touch.
I think you should reflect on yourself and determine your strengths and weaknesses, your morals, values, goals. If a NSA/FWB is something that you can do and you understand the pros and cons of it then you can determine if it suites you.
One last note, I can't tell you how to live your life, I also don't advocate D. However, in accordance to my own values I wouldn't do anything with OW until you are D. That's just me, you will have to determine what is right for you.
Last edited by Twofeet; 10/25/1805:00 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
And yeah, I can not die if I do not have sex. But I also do not want to live a life where if I am capable of having it, I cannot. If something happens to me and I am unable to have sex, then I will have to deal with that, however I deal with it. It's important to me, especially since about 6 months before BD I felt myself maturing in that area.
My LL is affection and physical touch...and I have been lacking both for nearly a year now.
And you're not telling me how to live my life. I do not perceive your viewpoint as judgy or you look down on me for considering it. I just am finding myself questioning a lot lately. What I considered wrong could be right. What could be considered "right" could be interpreted as "nice" or "not a man" or even "wrong".
This whole event is the equivalent of a CAT 5 hurricane leveling an entire town. Rebuilding is going to take a lot of time and dedication. I feel as if I am still picking up the pieces while rebuilding, one brick at a time.
If you have biological needs you can address those by yourself.
Well put.
I waited until the D was finalized before enjoying a different woman.
I can tell you that I am glad I focused on personal growth instead of chasing women. I understand much more now. I recommend learning. There is plenty of time for practice later.
What happens if the woman gets attached to you. Do you want to be the cause of her pain?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
What happens if the woman gets attached to you. Do you want to be the cause of her pain?
Even if I made it clear it's NSA?
I would feel guilty and remorse for breaking another person's heart. I can see how even though I say it's going to be "casual" it can morph into something that's not (W and OM).
And to reiterate, I am not looking for a "yeah, go ahead. That makes perfect sense.". I am just looking for some direction now.
One of mine is getting my HAM license. I studied for the Tech license. Did some for the General and hoping to get enough understanding to try for the extra class all in the same day. Call me crazy.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
1. Weight loss and muscle gain. 2. Engage in more social activities that does not pertain to gaming, support groups, or alcohol. 3. Get through this impending winter (I also suffer from SAD)
