EQ - sounds a lot like my W and the situation. The best answers I came up with and I believe to be true for her behavior are: she is conflict avoidant; has high anxiety; people-pleaser; unable to communicate her needs. I also suffered similar things except high anxiety. Maybe your W has similar issues.
If I have to read one more time how you did all the dishes and laundry I am going to scream. You are stuck my friend. Yes what happened wasn't fair, what happen [censored] but what are you doing to move forward? Just about everyone here was dealt the same hand. We are NEVER completely understand why this happened.
Stop trying to figure out if house work is a turn on, IT ISN'T. Not one person here got D'd because they didn't clean the toilets. It's so much more than that. Most of us just didn't understand what a healthy relationship looks like. House hold chores are a microcosm of it.
Ask yourself why you are holding on to someone who is so blatantly disrespecting you. She isn't even trying to hide her affair.
Dude you are young and have your entire life ahead of you. Read Maika's threads and see what he is doing to better himself.
EQ - sounds a lot like my W and the situation. The best answers I came up with and I believe to be true for her behavior are: she is conflict avoidant; has high anxiety; people-pleaser; unable to communicate her needs. I also suffered similar things except high anxiety. Maybe your W has similar issues.
Yup. Not even funny how accurate.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
This sounds very disrespectful to you as well as your marriage.
Why are you tolerating this? Set some boundaries. Need help with this, ask.
R2M, im always up for advice, 2x4, etc. I set boundaries and W chose divorce. Not sure where to go after this, as I'm focusing on myself because the MR is DEAD.
I realize WW has taken disrespect to a new level. Im going all tough love and not taking or listening to her b.s. anymore thats directed towards me.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
It is about YOU choosing how YOU will react to other peoples behavior.
Quote
When you talk to your boyfriend while we are still married, (or in my presence, or our home or bla bla bla... I feel disrespected, or bla bla bla I want you to.....GO SOMEPLACE ELSE (or whatever you want)
If you continue that behavior, I will confront your behavior, share my feelings, and insist that you do that somewhere else. If you keep repeating this behavior I will start considering all of my options, including leaving this relationship.
Just a quick draft as an example.....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
It is about YOU choosing how YOU will react to other peoples behavior.
Quote
When you talk to your boyfriend while we are still married, (or in my presence, or our home or bla bla bla... I feel disrespected, or bla bla bla I want you to.....GO SOMEPLACE ELSE (or whatever you want)
If you continue that behavior, I will confront your behavior, share my feelings, and insist that you do that somewhere else. If you keep repeating this behavior I will start considering all of my options, including leaving this relationship.
Just a quick draft as an example.....
I feel like most of those options are exhausted since she filed for D and is trying to fast track it. I dont pursue, there isnt much convo between the 2 of us anymore, and WW considers our M over even though we arent D yet. I guess that helps her sleep better at night?
I will read that boundaries thread again though and see what i can still use. Biggest thing for me is applying tough love right now. I have had a bad case of NGS, and my WW has been bullying her way to this D. Im done getting walked all over.
Last edited by equalzr; 10/27/1812:49 AM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Why is it so hard for some people to see others contributions? Honestly, i did virtually all the laundry, dishes, ironing, yard work, ran S to all activities(he was in a lot), and worked a few days a week as well.
Honestly, because this is the stuff that happens in the background, like white noise. It only gets noticed when it isn't done. These were my responsibilities apart from the yard work. .
I use to cook dinner every night for us. I love cooking. When H started working odd hours I started cooking only when I knew he'd be home (i'd have toast or a sandwich otherwise). He never said thank you, I would end up doing all the washing (cooking from scratch creates a lot of dishes). Sometimes he'd be home all day and when I came in the house would be in a state, there would be breakfast dishes piled up and still no dinner. In my head he'd sat on his a*** waiting for me to come home tidy, cook, clean and put the kids to bed. The last thing I wanted to do was cook for him. So I started buying pre-prepared meals and we would put one in the oven each when we were hungry. Sometimes we ate together, sometimes we ate at different times. The resentment grew. We both fed it.
Now here's the rub ...
What I didn't see was during the day when i thought he was sitting on his a*** because the dishes weren't done - he had mowed the lawn, or sorted through the garage, or de-weeded the driveway or sorted through our paperwork. Like my role of cooking, and washing, and ironing etc the stuff he did to contribute was white noise as well.
Don't get me wrong. He did a fair bit of sitting on his a***. But we all do that sometimes.
FS, thanks for your input. I really see how important communication is in any R now. I think people get so worn out that they can't see past themselves and what they have on their plate. I'm really researching and asking questions because i want to be better for all my R's in the future.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
