W is pure evil. Was supposed to have kids today but had a text from eldest child last night saying he doesn't want to see me today and she has blocked both their phones from me. So I can't speak to them at all.
Take the emotion out (or at least try). Head not heart.
I can't remember if you had engaged an a lawyer yet. If not, do it on Monday as Yorkie said.
Keep the text and evidence that you've been blocked from the children phones. Screen shot everything. Your kids are too young to have blocked you themselves so it is most certainly your W doing it.
If eldest child said he doesn't want to see you then that is something you need to talk to W about and put together a plan. Your child is hurting. You need to work together not against each other to ease their pain. I know it's tough. There is fury on both sides. Put that aside, hopefully your W will follow your lead. One thing that worked for a friend was even when her D said she didn't want to go see her dad, even when she clung to her legs, she forced herself to her go anyway. But, she was willing to put her ego aside for her daughter. I doubt that would work in your case, but that's when the lawyers come into play. When you have the kids, make it so damn much fun that they will never want to leave your side. Also, don't bad mouth your wife in front of them.
Others here would disagree, but when it comes to the kids I will break the NC rule. Children are not pawns.
If you do respond, she will most likely keep the texts as evidence so make sure you choose your words carefully.
"W - I am unable to contact the children's phones. This may have been by accident. Can you check their phones and unblock me. I am committed to working with you in fostering a positive coparenting relationship and ensuring that this difficult period is as painless for them as possible. Can you let me today when its done."
That way there is no blame, you've made a perfectly reasonable request, and you show that the focus is not on the R but on the children.
If no response, then you take the text with you to your atty on monday as evidence she is keeping the children away from you.
Yes have sent the text. Two things have happened to me lately. I realise I do not want R anymore. Her actions have really turned me against that. But worse still I realise this is not going to quick and easy but a hard and a long process and this is going to hurt the children.
Let emotions flow C. Of course it’s a marathon then you must use that time wisely. Detach, GAL and keep working on yourself. Set some boundaries regarding your children; get some lawyer advice about that as Yorkie and FS said.
Be there for your children.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Yes - it will be a hard and long process. I am not there yet, but I fear that the day will come.
It will be less painful for the kids if at least one of you remains calm. If it comes to it as long, and as the terms are fair, then agree the terms and just get it over and done with. You may R in the future (if you want to) but if she is set on D now, then you have to just get through it.
Do not quibble over stupid things. I have known couples quibble over who pays off the last $100 on a credit card. If it is immaterial - let it go. I don't mean let her walk all over you. But be fair. The things to remember are (and this is applicable to multiple situations): am I doing X because what she is asking is fundamentally unreasonable, am I doing X out of spite; is X in the best interest of the children and how does doing X help me detach.
(BTW - I ask myself those four questions all the time, and I still sometimes do the wrong thing)
You will gain some self-respect and your kids will be better for it in the long run. Eventually your W will respect you too.
What is a Non-molestation order? Does that prevent you from seeing your kids? If not, you need to get an attorney so you get 50/50 custody. This is not unreasonable. Also, maybe it has the side benefit of helping W realize D is not going to be this fantasy she envisions where she gets everything she wants. I don't know if you have caved to her demands in the past in an attempt to make her happy, but, if so, this is also a great opportunity to do a 180.
A bit of caution about declarations that you are against R now. This is a long process, and you have just begun. You will experience ups and downs, you will pine for her, you will rage at her, you will be desperate to D, you will be desperate to R. Making declarations like that may end up hurting you in the long run. As AS said to me, wait until you have felt this way consistently for a few months before acting on it.
FlySolo's offering some great advice.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
A non-molestation order means I cannot threaten her or the kids. They are easy to obtain, it doesn't even have a court hearing so I cannot challenge it. Don't have a problem with this as such.
She has also applied for a occupation order which means I am not allowed within 100 metres of the house. This is what I have an issue with, I am wondering if this is issued whether it will go against me in any custody / visitation rights.
The hearing for that is 9th November. She continues to block all contact with kids on say so of her solicitor.
I don't know much about custody arrangements where you are, but I cannot see how having a non-molestation order and an occupation order would do you any favors. W is trying to build up evidence that you are a bad father.
Speak to a lawyer.
I would not engage in any way right now.
Emotions will be running high and you will most certainly say things that you will regret ... and again, doing so will not do you any favors later.
