NGS creeps in I think. We shelved the discussion. Told her that we can talk about it after this week. Though in essence I may have just kicked the can down the road. She said that the time apart has helped her "detangle" and the process needs to continue. She told me that she wants to keep D4 home as much as possible and that me moving in would make D4 spend half the time at W's potential new place and the house.
The only thing I have not told her about my feelings about her are pretty much dead. I have started to act like it, too. I stopped all casual friendly talk. I cut the conversation as short as I can. I barely acknowledge her presence unless D4 is involved.
God, I'm so tired of this. I keep praying for a happy end to this but it keeps happening. I keep asking "When does it end?" when there is none in sight. I keep praying that things turn around once this year is over but now I'm looking at living this nightmare well into 2019.
I'm rescheduling a consultation with a lawyer. I may not save this MR, but I need to save myself and D4.
I don't get the three on three off, seems more inconvenience for both of you due to D4. Yes she should go if that is what she "needs". Otherwise as I have done, when she is home make sure you have your GAL plans set.
She rolls in, you roll out, gets your mind on you and not what she is doing. Don't do it for her, do it for you, and try some new things. I never thought I would get anything from a support group, but guess what they do....SUPPORT each other because they are going through the same thing. I found myself leaving after dinner and not coming home until I was ready to go right to bed....never even saw W most times....it was like we were living apart.
Most groups meet weekly, and I also found this a great way to meet new people as the group changes a bit each time. I find myself talking to new people about new things.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
She's trying to manipulate you when she says it helps her "detangle". This is seen a positive, she hopes you see it as an opportunity to reconcile so that you'll soften up and give her what she wants. She's trying to put the negatives of her moving out (such as D4 not being at "home" all the time or her needing another job for more money) and use that to get you out of the house 3 days a week. F that. Your W wants the divorce and separation and you don't, this is a consequence of her choice.
And if that bed in the MBR disgusts you, get rid of it and get a new one.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
The talk is coming up and we're going to talk compromise, as she felt she compromised when I asked her to leave the house after she cheated and confessed, when I told her I cannot see her anymore and agreed to the 3 day on/3 day off agreement, and her "relieving" me to be home to take care of D4 when I have to go to work. I do not want to throw her R with OM in her face, but I do not know what other argument to present. I know that I am going to stand firm on my being home as often as I can. I can GAL further into the night and come home later, which is not a problem for me. God knows I need to increase my GAL. But I cannot budge from being home as often as I can. If I need to spend the night due to GAL circumstances, so be it.
Neither she or I want D (in fact, since our fights, D never was a conversation topic. It was BAU, fall plans, new year plans, etc.). I have said that the door is always open if she wants to talk things out and make it work, but that is up to her. I have said my piece.
Also, this morning, D4 and W had a fight. D4 was not listening, but I did notice that W was less patient than usual. Her emotions (anger) was at a level that I have never seen. She was yelling at D4 in a manner that I considered very aggressive. I pulled D4 back and told W to calm down. She flipped and started accusing me of doing the same thing, and pointed her finger at me. I looked her in the eye and said "Don't ever talk to me like that again." I proceeded to dish out W's punishment to D4 (time out, no dress up, etc.). They were running late so W asked D4 to get out of the house. Repeated three times. I said D4 to get out of the house. D4 left. W cussed about D4 listening to me. I did not want to hear it and motioned W to leave the house.
She texted me two minutes later telling me she and D4 were calm. Call came another minute later.
I don't know if its guilt, stress, mental and emotional instability, or all of the above. Reading the boards it seems like many WW/WAS crack. Heck my W has cracked many times. Just don't get ahead of yourself. It doesn't mean she is going to go back to the way it was. Its just a roller coaster and this is just a new loop de loop. Don't ride the ride. Stay the course and don't crack yourself.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
