W talked when she came home. She's been seeing her IC for 2 weeks now. We had a long talk about her issues and confusion. W's IC told her she doesn't need to be with anyone right now. I laughed b/c my sister said something similar a while back.
W thinks she wants to go to MC. Thinks she still misses me a lot and that she no longer hates me like she did 6 months ago. Said she always loved me.
She said something like we start as friends. I was like "I won't be your friend". I also told her I won't get involved again without MC. She meant like going slow I guess. So I'm going to do my best to keep up my GAL, not let my wall down, and just stay the course here.
Big problem is that she doesn't think it was wrong to go get a OM. So I'm pretty pissed about this. Not sure what to do. Obviously I'm going to bring it up in MC. I think she, her friends and parents have convinced themselves that it was OK b/c they don't want to believe she could mess up like this. I'm just wondering how that works. "I didn't cheat on my husband, I cheated on my boyfriend - with my husband"....*barf*
I'd appreciate all advice and am just planning to go real slow and take my time to think about what I really want here.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A couple nights ago W woke me up in the middle of the night and weaseled her way into my arms. You could say I didn't put up much of a fight.
I surprised W and pursued a bit last evening by calling her on her way home from work. Wow. She said "You called..." and I said "Yes, I did". We talked for 20 minutes and she said she was glad I called. I was dropping the puppy off for her and she kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. So in the middle of the night she decided to snuggle again. OK, I'm fine with that.
Her folks came over last night to talk to her. They ate dinner at the house with W. I was at softball and not there. They have serious boundary issues (wonder why their kids do too) and want to be involved with, and know everything that's going on with W and me. W told me she doesn't want to tell them anything. So I told her to tell them that. And of course they asked what is going on and she told them she didn't want to talk about it. They reminded her that they are her parents, I'm sure she had forgotten....
I surprised her again with a phone call this morning to say hello. She said "You called" and that she was glad I called. So that's good.
We'll be in MC this week or next, going to set the appointment today.
Well, softball is over for me now, need to find a basketball league for one weeknight. Going to stay busy, stay in IC for now. I may go back and reread the chapters for people who aren't in the LRT stage. I'm not really sure where I should be, but I'm going to just make a point of not hiding/blunting the truth, being clear about what I want and what my boundaries are, work on my communication b/c we had plenty of communication issues, and be myself above all else.
Her dad called her last week to ask her if it was OK if he hunted with me if I called him about it. She told him she thought it was OK. I thought that was funny.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Parents tend to want to know what is going on because they sense things aren't right and want to try to fix the problem or understand what is going on. They mean well, but they need to allow the couple to work things out on their own. Your wife's response was more than adequate. If and when she is ready to tell them anything, she will.
You've been doing well in giving her some space and not pressuring her. Hopefully in MC one of you can mention "boundaries and how to set them". Her parents are going to push her for answers and she's no where ready to open up.
Yes, it was funny that her father called her to ask about hunting with you. She's not your mother! LOL! Any way, don't be surprised if he raises the issue of what is going on w/you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"I didn't cheat on my husband, I cheated on my boyfriend - with my husband"....*barf*
Lol my WW had an issue and got in big fight with OM because he found out we were still messing around. Apparently they had an agreement that they both wouldn't sleep with their S. F'ed up mindset right?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Ovr, iirc you have been doing the back-and-forth with WW. MC is progress. But do you have any ground rules? Transparency plans? Things like that. You probably do and didn't mention them here. But I know that if I were in your sitch and things moved in that direction I'd be so excited that I'd probably overlook some of that, at my own peril...
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Hi Ovrrnbw, it sounds like you and your wife are making progress towards reconciliation. It's such a long, slow, hard process. I really hope you and your wife can stay together. It would have been easier for you to file for divorce and move on but you hung in there and now you're starting to see results. I hope you'll keep us posted!
OMG Job I missed your post until today! Haha wow I'm so pissed at myself!!!
But thank you for those words. The inlaws definitely want to know and want to help. That's who they are as people. But they also know no boundaries. W just doesn't want to tell them anything right now. She's made that clear to me. I may remind FIL of that if he brings anything up again b/c the pressure doesn't work on this lady. W and her family's boundaries have always been more of an "open borders" policy, unless one of the kids was doing something bad in which case they'd hide it.
FIL asked me on the phone "I guess you guys are getting along better now?". I was thinking dude, I didn't run her off the last 4 times she came home. But they probably want to blame me for everything anyways, oh well.
Ground rules are: no OM/OW in our lives. Commitment to each other. Honesty and openness. MC. Dates and fun.
We went to get pizza the other night and saw the new Halloween movie. Had a dinner date last weekend. Both were fun. I went shopping with her (holy "Acts of Service" love language). No kissing or sex, no ILY's, but we hold each other in bed most nights and worked on some stuff at the house.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Had a really good weekend, built an entry table together. Cleaned and organized the garage and added some cool furniture out there. Had a serious talk Saturday morning with W (initiated by W), I listened and let her get out a lot of thoughts. It [censored] b/c I had more I wanted to say but she wanted to end the convo, so we ended it at that point. In-laws are putting the pressure on W to bring them up to speed on everything. W doesn't want to. I told her that her parents don't tell her everything about their relationship, you don't have to tell theme everything about yours.
I asked W if she'd drop me off at mass b/c she wanted to go shopping Sunday, and she volunteered to go to mass with me. That made me pretty happy b/c she isn't a real religious person (not that I am, but I like to go to mass sometimes).
We drank coffee together both mornings and just enjoyed fall.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
