GAL activities this weekend are very centered around S and making it a memorable one. Yesterday picked him up from school and we went to finalize his Halloween costume. S used his imagination and created his own super hero costume. He is now electric man😎. Spent evening attending our community trunk or treat event. Met up with some old couples friends whose kids are good friends with S. My GAL activities included 7 mile run, coffee with mentor, networking my professional contacts.
Today GAL plan is to take son to pumpkin patch, scheduled trail bike ride with another old friend and his S, and go watch nephews ball game so S can see cousins.
Sunday GAL plans are going to church with some new friends that have gone through D with brunch afterwards, going to S’s best friends house to watch football game while S can play, then having my folks over to grill out and carve pumpkins.
S has clearly been feeling the brunt of this split....and W has only fueled his hurt, anger, and demeanor. S confided that W continues to say negative things about me. I believe even at his age, he’s seeing the light and he will carry resentment towards her actions into his adulthood. Just need to be his rock.
All indications point to D process carrying well into 2019. Expect a lot can happen...W is a lost soul and has finally feeling the negative results from her choices. I will continue to AMOAFWL.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
Wife sent email regarding exchange of vehicles as I have been driving hers and vise versa. I have held firm in my expectations that she needs to return my vehicle which is much nicer. She has relinquished until now but is trying to change up our agreement last minute.
She continues to get shoddy guidance from her attorney after her long term strategy blew up in her face....which was full custody of S. I now fear her attorney is just racking up WAW legal fees to try and save face. In typical WAW fashion, she is kicking and screaming now that she’s not getting her way. Ironically she starts to cc her attorney as to “tattle”...as things escalate and I hold firm on our agreed arrangements.
One of the things that W continues to harp is getting access into our marital house. I have agreed to let her come over in which I intend to gather the items she is wanting. She has made a big deal that she wants to go around the house herself. This wouldn’t be an issue, but I have confirmed that W has had contact with a PI and my trust is shattered as to what she may try and plant, etc. I may be crazy thinking this....but I have to go with what I know and want to protect myself. I have nothing to hide, but it’s been a huge rub on her for the last 3 months she hasn’t been able to get into the house and I’ve cut off any access to our shared accounts (cable, internet, Alexa) that I’ve heard could be hacked into to serve as listening devices.
So now I have to meet up with W tomorrow in what will be the first time in 5 months where S won’t be present.
I’d like to get the boards feedback on how I should approach? I know we each have a lot of pent up anger and animosity towards each other. Some of her actions and words are straight up evil, but I know if she is in MLC I can’t take them at face value. I know I need to treat her as a cashier....but also know we have to come to a space where we can Co parent together.
Another issue that was brought up over weekend when I met up with old friend who’s wife is friends with my W, he mentioned that he wouldn’t be surprised if W were having other thoughts on D. I tried not to let that effect me....but I’m human and the thought that MR could have a heartbeat at this point baffles me. I don’t know if I would or could as a lot of damage has been done. Could I ever trust W again?
Any guidance is appreciated.
I’m past the point of temp checking...but is this an opportunity for W to connect? I have no expectations at all now and have completely given it to god....but also don’t want a wasted opportunity to pass me by. My personal development has grown so much....and I believe I’m at a time where maybe a risk is worth taking?
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
EZ, if you have to question yourself whether or not you should make a move, you should not. Work the process. If W is still moving forward then that should be a sign that she intends on getting the D done.
My attitude is...YDGAF. It's all about you and S. W wants in, she can get in.
As far as the trust issue goes, it depends on your feelings. I personally would be extremely guarded. Come to the board and ask us first before you make a move. Good 2x4's have helped and will help you in dealing this this.
Finally, ask yourself:
Is it worth risking yourself getting hurt on a maybe/maybe not?
So yesterday was one of those days that I got caught in a reflective state where I let my head run over scenarios in how to handle interaction with WAW. I shook off the cobwebs after talking with IC. I’m going to maintain my boundaries and not allow W into home. I intend to gather the items she provided in a list and will have them in a box at front door.
I realize W is not the person I married....is not the women I fell in love with...and is someone that planned to cost me everything.
I will hold firm and not deviate. She made these choices....she can live with her choices.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
I have made gigantic strides the last 6 months in becoming a better man, father, person....and husband. I’ve been able to overcome and learn to control my anxiety and depression. I’ve lost 80lbs and established healthy eating habits, gained my self confidence and respect back, have learned to be outcome independent and self reliant. Today literally feels as it’s the first true day of my new life...
WOW!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well my meet up with WAW went about as I expected...
She was mad I had all her items that she wanted at the front door. There was one thing that I couldn’t find and I let her go to the basement...she goes off the rail saying it took her years of asking me to clean it and now that she’s gone it’s spotless. I just say I can’t change the past.
She blamed me for “trashing her car”....which I detailed this morning. She then claimed the the Jeep wasn’t safe to have S in....yet it’s been ok for me to drive him around in last 8 months??
She then proceeded to gaslight our entire marriage saying how it was all bad and now I’m being unreasonable with everything. I just validated saying sorry you feel that way.
She then gave me a skoaling look and tells me “your getting everything and I’m getting nothing”. It was a look and stare where I used to give her a smirk in return. I once again validated and remained calm.
I then said it’s unfortunate that her attorney in racking up her legal fees on petty issues. She then turned it around and made that my fault...
Long and short WAW mentality of gaslighting and blame shifting any and everything back to me.
I let it roll off me like water in a ducks back. Lol.
W then left while giving me a huff. I just smiled and said enjoy the rest of your day.
I feel like I handled the situation pretty well. Any feedback from board is appreciated if I did something wrong?? The fact the W had that much frustration and anger still tells me she cares. Fact is that nothing is going how she envisioned and is throwing a huge tantrum that she no longer has any control over me.
Felt good that I didn’t let her anger or emotions impact my mood. I was centered the entire interaction.
I continue to DB... GAL activities included 5 mile run, Divorcecare group, wash and detail my old “new” car.
Last edited by EZdozit; 10/30/1811:12 PM.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
