W immediately brought up that she got a 'vibe' from me the day after the wedding that I was a little distant, and she thought it was because nothing sexual happened that night. I replied and said I wasn't mad and certainly wasn't expecting sex, just a little disappointed that W hasn't initiated or reciprocated any touching yet, which we both agreed we'd work on weeks ago. MC said to think of this as a new relationship, building from the very beginning. I, maybe foolishly, said that if i dated someone new every day for 4 weeks and they've yet to cross even slightly into the physical realm, I'd consider myself being in the proverbial 'friend zone'. W really didn't comment on that. MC said some stuff like those feelings are normal, and unlike a completely new R, this was broken and needs rebuilt, etc, etc.
MC then lead the session in another direction, focusing on communication. W continues to say very positive things about me, and how good things have been the last month or two. I agreed and said this may be the best our M has been ever, aside from no intimacy.
MC then lead us into some troubles we've been having with our son, and gave us some tips to enforce some rules. Those are going to be very helpful.
All in all not too bad. I kind of wish MC would have had W respond to why she hasn't initiated any physical contact, but oh well. We'll see how this week goes.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T, soooooooooooooo, you continue to thrash against not being able to control her, that you can only control you. Controlling you would be to drop your expectations. Physical intimacy will either happen.....or it won't. You can't control that. What you can control is dropping this NGS covert contract around touch, concentrate on loving detachment, GAL and continuing to 180.
I get the impression you feel entitled to physical intimacy. I've asked other posters struggling with this, what would happen if your wife were in an accident and became paralyzed? And you had to live for the next few decades without physical touch? How would you deal with it? You see, while physical touch is a matter of life or death to you (apparently), it really is not. You CAN live without and many many people do.
Stop laser focusing on physical touch and concentrate on being the best H you can possibly be.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
T, soooooooooooooo, you continue to thrash against not being able to control her, that you can only control you. Controlling you would be to drop your expectations. Physical intimacy will either happen.....or it won't. You can't control that. What you can control is dropping this NGS covert contract around touch, concentrate on loving detachment, GAL and continuing to 180.
I get the impression you feel entitled to physical intimacy. I've asked other posters struggling with this, what would happen if your wife were in an accident and became paralyzed? And you had to live for the next few decades without physical touch? How would you deal with it? You see, while physical touch is a matter of life or death to you (apparently), it really is not. You CAN live without and many many people do.
Stop laser focusing on physical touch and concentrate on being the best H you can possibly be.
I kind of get what you're saying. But I don't think it's really controlling though? It's not like I've given an ultimatum of like 'sex by next week or I'm leaving'. If her 'assigned work' from the MC was to start initiating physical contact, and she hasn't, why shouldn't I be a little discouraged by that? It's not like I've ever even brought it up until in MC yesterday when I was asked about it.
Entitled may be too strong of a word, but yes, most people who get married don't sign up for a lifetime of rejection and celibacy. That analogy isn't completely apples to apples either. An accident is different than a choice right? Meaningful conversation is very important to her. That's like saying if I simply refuse to ever talk vs having my jaw wired shut for months due to an accident.
You're right though in that I need to stop focusing so much on it. There are more important things to deal with now, and I did say that at MC.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I've asked other posters struggling with this, what would happen if your wife were in an accident and became paralyzed? And you had to live for the next few decades without physical touch? How would you deal with it? You see, while physical touch is a matter of life or death to you (apparently), it really is not. You CAN live without and many many people do. .
That's a really good point which I hadn't considered.
I get the impression you feel entitled to physical intimacy.
I think it is within his right to feel entitled to physical intimacy in marriage. Just as the same in marriage you feel entitled to monogamy. You feel entitled to security.
These are what are called deal breakers in marriage.
I think T has to give it time but the signs are not good right now. Again, people who are all in during MC will jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if MC tells them to do it. Failing to execute touching in nonsexual ways is a valid concern.
I get the impression you feel entitled to physical intimacy.
I think it is within his right to feel entitled to physical intimacy in marriage. Just as the same in marriage you feel entitled to monogamy. You feel entitled to security.
These are what are called deal breakers in marriage.
I think T has to give it time but the signs are not good right now. Again, people who are all in during MC will jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if MC tells them to do it. Failing to execute touching in nonsexual ways is a valid concern.
Thanks LH. That was kind of my point, and why I feel concerned.
What I can't figure out is why should would seemingly be doing every other thing, except that? She constantly talks about future plans, future home renovations, things involving our son, being generally positive about 'us', etc, etc. It's just that one hurdle she can't or won't jump yet. I mean, down deep she has to know that I'm not going to be celibate for the rest of my life, or live in a sexless marriage. I don't think she would be going through the trouble of doing and saying a lot of the things she has if she's still planning an exit strategy. Maybe, but it doesn't seem likely.
Like I said, it's just confusing, and like a lot of people have said, I probably just shouldn't worry about it.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Itīs about expectatives T, and it is logic to have them. You need to know that it takes time. Ease your mind about it but the thing is there and there are the worries...Didīs sitch is at a similar stage. Have you read it? Read the last posts there.
Take your time, focus on the things you really have control, let the other things go.
Stay strong T
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
