Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 2

[SteveLW]

If you can afford it, then yes. I wouldn't do it if you can't.

[Turbine]

AnotherStander, you are right. I don't know how to deal with this. I ignored or brushed off the warnings. I thought the words were given in the heat of an argument. I didn't pay attention to her and am paying for it now.

She has said too little too late. Said she doesn't love me. Still cares though because I am the father to our children. (opposing positions?) I am trying to give her space and no pressure. Although everything seems like pressure.

Attending Church for example. However I won't stop that nor change which church. I feel much calmer going and this is good.

I got two emails from the lawyer wanting paperwork. So time isn't my friend in that regard. Yeah, feels like I am loosing here and loosing her. Sadly I suspect she only sees the bad me she doesn't want. I pray that changes. I also am doing what I can to make it more likely.

I wanted to replace those screws because it looked bad. She has a very nice car. I didn't replace anything because wrong pitch. She doesn't want me to now so I won't. Although I could and not tell her. That would be wrong so not happening.

[Turbine]

Wife left on Friday night. Haven't heard a peep from her... still. Feel so disrespected. No Police Officer at the door either. So that is useless nothing.

I did find a pen knife I usually carried. Was my Dad's. So irreplaceable, at least to me. Someday I hope to give it to my son.

No contact when she is gone is a mixed bag. She is always on my mind. Detach... so need to get that down.

Trying to be honest with myself and all of you. Otherwise any input is junk. Not helpful.

[Turbine]

Thank God I am not trying to build anything. All this talk of 2x4s makes me think I am at a lumber yard.

I know I am making mistakes. It would be awfully arrogant to think that I am correctly self correcting my actions. I am smart enough to know that I can and should learn more. Everyday.

So I visited my Dr this afternoon. Minor hold over issue from the gall bladder surgery. I love my Dr. She is fantastic.

So supper is done. Dishes too. W is no where in sight. If she has written off the MR then other than a miracle I suppose my life with her is done. I want the miracle. Yeah, not all that long into this journey. So from what I have read in Steve 85's threads (on #6 now) he was lucky in the timing of all of this garbage.

Not me so much. I guess I missed too many flags. For whatever reason. She says too late. We aren't dead. Then it is too late. So more on making me Ver. 2.0 and a being the better option, the one she regrets being rash about.
I hope and pray we get another crack at US, but as Ver 2.0.

Of course there is a lot of work ahead to do that. Lots of reading here, DB/DR, the Bible.

Tempted to send her a text. Not sure what I would say if I did though. Anything that has come to mind seems to be counter productive anyway. So Posting away here seems like all the action tonight. Storms are passing through so... Not important.

Since she doesn't seem to be all that interested in packing her stuff, at some point I will have to do it myself (not desired choice), let her do it (cake eating of sorts?) or somehow convince her to work with me (not sure what I feel about that choice). Unless (likely reading too much into this) she is having second thoughts and/or is slowing things down to build her resources. Useless speculation.

Tomorrow is end of the month. Business is still... wanting. The end of month rush though. Ugh.

Faith seems to be a big factor here. I have found my returning to Church to be calming personally. Not sure about her reaction beyond some resentment. I don't ask, don't offer and am willing to trust God. He brought us together once and if it is His plan will do so again. I have something to learn first I guess. I suppose W does too. Time will tell.

I had said something about a 180 before. That was my mind set. Still is flipping back and forth. The action/behavior 180... working on that. Staying calm, centered, above the storm... no... not above... untroubled by ... that sounds better. Do stuff. Some of what she wanted but now unprompted... not sure how she would view that. Not going to let that govern my actions. I should do it because I want to, its the right thing to do, etc. If she approves... fine. If not then discontinue or do it when she won't see anything but the results.

Submitted for 2x4 review.

[Turbine]

Okay, got home from church last night, not long after the W got home. Didn't ask her where she had been and she didn't offer. Not sure what I that says about my state of mind.

She sent me a text from the next room that it was her turn to get the money from her brother. She wants to pay the cell phone bill. He is on the plan with us. I waited about a minute and then knocked on the bedroom door. Told her no it doesn't work that way. Mortgage payment.

She responded with sell the house. I left it at that, Okay, actually I sent her a text message back: All expenses are house expenses. No taking turns. I would be willing to work on a short term solution with you.

No answer to this as of writing this. I didn't get mad or anything else. If she takes it other than just a statement then that is on her. Neither of us can afford the house on our own and not sure how we could afford individually anything either. Part of me doesn't care that she is feeling a bit of $$$ pain. I am too.

I still believe we are better as a team. That we can do better and should. If that doesn't happen... Not sure what I would do. I am more certain I will recover. Of course I would like to reconnect as I have said a lot.

Where are the 2x4s? Or the belt sanders etc...

[ovrrnbw]

Hi Turbine,

you're too focused on her. Reread Cadet's links. GAL. Let her go. This person doesn't want you. So move your life forward as a strong man who doesn't chase after something he cannot catch. Spend that time and energy on something productive!

[Turbine]

Something more productive like getting a house ready to sell that is filled with stuff that isn't all mine to deal with? So do I pack it all and tell her too bad, you had the chance to pack your things or work around it? Because there is so much it is overwhelming.

Some pieces were my grandmother's. Went to my mother. My aunt would like one in particular since it was her mothers. W didn't like that. I didn't care if I got it or not. W felt I was giving stuff away that should have been mine. Like I said, I didn't care if I got it. Really didn't have room for it. Don't have room for some of the pieces the W brought in from wherever. Rarely told W no or enough. That applied to probably more than was good. So much for trying to make/keep her happy... then and I suppose even now.

Whatever happens W isn't happy. Took both of us to get here. W is driving this. Maybe time to take my foot off the brake and put it on the accelerator. Limbo is the pits.

[Turbine]

Checking out the MLC forum. I noticed a larger and different set of pinned topics. Some of them seem very universal. Other than bookmarking the lists (apparently not recommended) that , in my case, Job gave in the welcoming post could these be pinned in a separate universal referenced location?

Just thought...


Thanks

[Cadet]

Checking out the MLC forum. I noticed a larger and different set of pinned topics. Some of them seem very universal. Other than bookmarking the lists (apparently not recommended) that , in my case, Job gave in the welcoming post could these be pinned in a separate universal referenced location?

Just thought...


Thanks

Its not something we have the capability of doing, we are only moderators not administrators.

[AndrewP]

Hey there Turbine - I've not been following too closely but you are treading along a path that many of us have walked before you.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are dealing with things that are life-altering and largely out of your hands.

Don't expect anything much from her either the practical nor the emotional. Superficially you appear to be around where I was in June 2016 when I was whacked with so many 2X4s that I eventually built myself a virtual "Cabin in the Woods".

You've heard this a bucket of times already I am sure but I'll repeat it. Focus on yourself and your own journey. Be the "sane parent" for your kids and grandkids. They are going to be confused and need you to be their lighthouse on the rock.

Without detailed reading, it would appear that in some ways your story is similar to mine - heck pretty much all the stories here are the same in some way or another. Know that this isn't about you. Also know that at this point that there's not a darned thing you can do that will change her mind or swerve her from her course.

I'm sorry if that isn't something you are ready to hear at this point and yes - I could well be wrong.

As far as your wife goes, she isn't someone who can be trusted. She's probably up way past the eyeballs in lies and secrets, most of which you probably don't want to know. She's also, like so many, unlikely to do any of the adulting or heavy-lifting. She is being very very selfish right now.

Is she going through a MLC or whatnot? Difficult to say and irrelevant. You can't help her and she doesn't want your help. Will she come out the other side and look for you? Again, difficult to say and also still irrelevant. Many of us put our lives on hold waiting. Some for longer durations than others.

Good luck. This stuff is hard.