sorry you find yourself here, but you do sound strong and you seem good at detaching
He is giving very confusing signals most MLCers don't want to be with LBS but some want the affair P and spouse
How old is your H? and does he drink or use prescription drugs?
Thank you. I’m sorry I’ve found myself here too but I’m thankful for the support.
My husband will be 46 in a few months. He clearly gives so many mixed signals and it’s exhausting. Today I’m a little sad. I just really miss my husband. I miss the man that my husband used to be. Today I long for his touch and love. He was so loving and affectionate. Today I long for all the good times we’ve had. I just wish he would put his arms around me and say “we will make it through this together.”
But I’m left with the reality that he may never say that. Yesterday was a typical day, he pursued me off and on all day. He even told me that he knows I still love him and that I’m just acting like I don’t. Of course I said nothing. I wanted to say “listen here stupid, it should be obvious that I love you, stupid.” But I just looked at him and said nothing. He said you really are fighting this. Again, I said nothing. Heck I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to engage him in a conversation about my love for him.
He asked me agin last night if he could sleep in the bed with me, I told him no. It’s funny how he made the decision to sleep in the other room but now he’s begging to come back to our bed. Right now this guy is walking ball of confusion.
Thankfully today I have an appointment with my therapist. I can use all the advice and wisdom I can get right now. It hurts so bad watching the demise of my marriage. It hurts that there is nothing I can do to save it. I’m convinced that my husband will have to leave and go on his own journey. I think that he has such a strong yearning for that, that he will definitely act on it. He feels something is missing and that he owes it to himself to try to go find what makes him happy. Of course as someone who loves him, I don’t want to be the person to hold him back from that. I don’t want him to remain in a marriage that he’s unhappy in. I don’t want him to be unhappy. I have to love him enough to let him go.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks ago my husband was drinking beer heavily. However, he has not had a beer in about a week and a half. He doesn’t abuse prescription drugs.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I think you are doing everything right Living. He is still attracted to you, no doubt, and equates you having sex with him as proof that you are still his and I suspect if you gave in, he would take adavantage but then just go back to his old ways. He has to show remorse AND a willingness to address the issues that got you here in the first place. Just keep doing what you are doing. My H, sadly, is far past where your H is. He wants nothing to do with me physically and hugged me the other day like he would hug a distant relative he didn’t really know but felt obligated to hug anyway. Yuck. That will not be happening again. I don’t care how sad he looks. Anyway...I am in awe of how strongly you have set your boundaries and how you are getting out there. Treating yourself to a dinner and a move is something I have never done. I think that shows incredible inner strength and self-love. Good for you. You are an inspiration. I will aspire to get there myself. (((HUGS)))
