[Living]

Last year after he cheated, I worked to get him back. Now if he wants me back, he will have to work for me. And this time around, it won’t be easy.

I did the same. Pursuit doesn't work, as we have found out! I have been considering all of the requirements for consideration of R. I think it's time to start firming up my list!

I had no clue. I can laugh now but pursuit definitely doesn’t work. Me rejecting him is killing him. He’s like a sick begging puppy (no offense to any puppies). I’m not sure how long this will last. I’m not sure how long he can handle the rejection. I figure at this point I have nothing else to loose. So it either wakes him up and he realizes that he has an amazing wife. Or he remains stupid and get’s to sit back and watch me pick myself up and be amazing without him. The choice is his to make.

I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, and I’ve cried some more. I’ve spend days laying in the bed depressed. And if I need a day to cry and just veg out, I’m going to allow myself to have that. It’s hard going through this. So it’s important that I allow myself the grace to feel and grieve. But I can’t stay in that space forever. So that means on some days when I feel like I can’t get out of bed, I have to force myself to.

In the meantime. I’m focusing on healing and taking care of myself and my children.

[Living]

I forgot to mention one thing that’s helping me and that’s journaling. The more I write my feelings down, the stronger I become. So I would definitely recommend journaling to anyone who hasn’t tried it. I’m a believer in thoughts becoming things. So the more I write that I’m strong, the more I think I’m strong, the stronger I become. It is truly one day at a time. If anyone noticed I started this day off posting how hard this is and how much I miss my husband. I still feel that way. However, just journaling, and communicating with all you helped take my mind off missing him. It’s a process and a journey for sure. : )

[Ready2Change]

You are way ahead of your H. This is good.
Have you read DR?

I believe "All is fair in love and war". One of your tactics is seduction. You want him to pursue you.

How about giving him what he asked for:

* He said he is tired of the same old same old. He wants something different.
* He said he is bored and has the sudden urge to change his routine.

* He says he is unhappy and feels like he is missing out on something
* He has blamed me for why he is unhappy with the marriage.

W:"H, I have been thinking about what you have said and I think it would be best if you moved out as soon as possible."

I really like this statement:
"I agree. This is not working for me either."

Do you understand why I am putting these out as options for you to consider?

[Living]

You are way ahead of your H. This is good.
Have you read DR?

I believe "All is fair in love and war". One of your tactics is seduction. You want him to pursue you.

How about giving him what he asked for:

* He said he is tired of the same old same old. He wants something different.
* He said he is bored and has the sudden urge to change his routine.

* He says he is unhappy and feels like he is missing out on something
* He has blamed me for why he is unhappy with the marriage.

W:"H, I have been thinking about what you have said and I think it would be best if you moved out as soon as possible."

I really like this statement:
"I agree. This is not working for me either."

Do you understand why I am putting these out as options for you to consider?

I do understand why you’re putting those options out there. I’ve already told him if he wants to go to go. He’s given reasons why he can’t leave right now. Finances, work that needs to be done in the house (we bought a fixer and he’s doing most of the work himself.) So maybe he’s making excuses, who knows. So right now I’m trying to see how serious he really is. Only time will tell, I will definitely keep the forum posted.

[Ready2Change]

Just more things to think about:

I’ve already told him if he wants to go to go.

Why give him the power. If he has a choice to cake eat, what is he going to pick?

He’s given reasons why he can’t leave right now. Finances, work that needs to be done in the house (we bought a fixer and he’s doing most of the work himself.) So maybe he’s making excuses, who knows.

No one knows. Are these good reasons to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

So right now I’m trying to see how serious he really is.

Use my quote above and you will find out. Watch his reaction very closely. Listen to him.

Only time will tell,

Why wait? Do you want him to miss you? Or be around for him to continue blaming you for his unhappiness?

[Living]

Just more things to think about:

I’ve already told him if he wants to go to go.

Why give him the power. If he has a choice to cake eat, what is he going to pick?

He’s given reasons why he can’t leave right now. Finances, work that needs to be done in the house (we bought a fixer and he’s doing most of the work himself.) So maybe he’s making excuses, who knows.

No one knows. Are these good reasons to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

So right now I’m trying to see how serious he really is.

Use my quote above and you will find out. Watch his reaction very closely. Listen to him.

Only time will tell,

Why wait? Do you want him to miss you? Or be around for him to continue blaming you for his unhappiness?

Ha can blame me for whatever he likes. I know I’m not why he’s unhappy. So I’m not internalizing that.

I’m hearing what you’re saying and you make valid points. However, for now I’m going to continue with what I’m doing. That may change but we’ve only been at this for 3 weeks. So I’m going to continue with my plan. My plan seems to be working so we will see how it goes!

Also there was a question upthread on if I’ve read DB, not yet but I’m planning to buy the book ASAP.

[Ready2Change]

Listen,

You are the only one that can save this R. If it is important to you, then you need to give H everything he is asking for.

He says he is bored. This means his life is predictable. Be unpredictable. He believes he has control over this. Take away his power. Take away his control.



* He says he is unhappy and feels like he is missing out on something

Make him feel like he is missing out on something WITH YOU.

* He says he is confused and lost

Hopefully time away from you will clarify what is really important.

* He says he doesn't know what will make him happy but life is short so he has to find what will make him happy

Set him free. Wish him well. You already know that he needs to find his inner happiness. You are his role model. Show him how to be happy without him. Show him you are enlightened and you will be happy no matter what.

[Ready2Change]

Also there was a question upthread on if I’ve read DB, not yet but I’m planning to buy the book ASAP.

Buy DR as well. Keep them to yourself. They are your playbook. Not his.


I also recommend "the art of seduction" (It is big and long with counter-intuitive ways to attract)


I wish you well during this.

[Ready2Change]

Your H thinks he knows you. Prove him wrong.


You want him thinking about you all the time.


Why did she say that?
Why did she do that?
Where is she?
Who is she with?
Why is she dressing like that?
Where is she?

[Living]

Your H thinks he knows you. Prove him wrong.


You want him thinking about you all the time.


Why did she say that?
Why did she do that?
Where is she?
Who is she with?
Why is she dressing like that?
Where is she?

Thank you so much for the book recommendations and all the other advice. I truly appreciate it. I’ll take it all to heart and continue to post my progress here on the forum. Thanks also for the encouragement, it is much needed! Hugs!