Okay. Today youngest D and I went to a Veteran's Day luncheon at Fermi National Lab. Very cool place btw. Guest speaker was a Vietnam War CMoH recipient. Great speech, very personable and talked about the need for unity in this country. How the politicians work for us and the divisions that are being advanced are not to the betterment of the people, just the politicians. After the two of us got to talk with him briefly and shake his hand. AWESOME!!!
Not intended as anything more than a report of today's GAL activity.
S informed me while we were driving around that W wants to have lunch with him tomorrow.
*sigh* Yeah... wish it were with me. Cheeseless tunnel? probably but if it is to be then it will. So if they talk about the sitch or me then that is the topic of conversation. If not then not.
Hey, I know we talk about the no snooping and all. I told S as much that if he shares with her or with me that is up to him. Yeah I am interested. Not going to go fishing. Not chumming the water either. Nothing has been said that they aren't supposed to snoop. Actually it seems to be encouraged. Just not supply them anything.
Am I right?
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
So S had to cancel on lunch with W, his mom. Rescheduled. So good for him. Maybe good for her too. I don't want her to not have improved relationships with our kids. Is that a double negative or just worded awkwardly? English grrr.... never mind trying to learn W's language... okay one of the 5 she speaks.
Had late breakfast with S, his GF and oldest grandson. Went to a Filipino/American breakfast/lunch place. I'll be back there. With or without W.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Well, its GAE (good and early). Getting to sleep past 2 AM seems to be a problem. Okay. Going back to sleep after that is a problem. Wake up, mind is at redline it seems. Age, stress... IDK. From talking with my Dr and coworkers it seems to be age related as much as stress. Coworkers are older than I am.
Breakfast was good. Not close to home or my D place so trips to there will be infrequent. Did I say how much I hate going into Chicago. No? Well I do for several reasons. Which is a shame because there are great things to do there. Lots of negatives too, at least for me. Save that for another time.
Really questioning the whole GAL etc right now. W is on my mind constantly. Miss her. Hoping she misses me. From what I gather reading here and in the DB/DR book... maybe is as likely as maybe not.
Went to a late Halloween party w/ my S at Saturday night game group house. Was fun. Won the Halloween trivia contest. I know way too much about a whole lot of useless. Would that space be filled with knowledge about W, her language, etc. Guess this is a bottom.
Had a good day w/ the younger D. We went to the various Veteran's Day appreciations. Waitress at Hooter's is going to be off to Marine boot in the spring. D left her contact info in case she wanted to talk or had questions. Once a Marine always a Marine. Very proud of both my Marine daughters. Very proud of all my kids. W had issues with the daughters enlisting. Don't remember any of that reasoning. Not like we could stop them anyway.
Going back and reading the DR, Men are from Mars or 5 Love Lang... I don't know if it helps or not. I read fairly fast and have good retention so subsequent reading goes faster and faster. Putting into practice... Considering how well I feel I am doing with this detaching... really not at all. Conclusion, fault is with what or how I am doing this and not the process. I'd say everyone else is struggling with it too but seem to be making better progress.
Maybe time to rethink a few things... coach or not...
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
From talking with my Dr and coworkers it seems to be age related as much as stress. Coworkers are older than I am.
I'm 57 and sleep quite well. I think a big part of it is because I work out daily, eat well and don't smoke/drink. I do get stressed out about work and bills and taxes and such but it doesn't really affect my sleep. I did have a lot of trouble sleeping for months after BD though, so that's probably what your issue is.
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Really questioning the whole GAL etc right now. W is on my mind constantly. Miss her. Hoping she misses me. From what I gather reading here and in the DB/DR book... maybe is as likely as maybe not.
She probably does, but that doesn't mean she wants to get back together (she doesn't). Maybe later, but not now. Right now her feeling that this is the right thing to do far overpowers her feeling of missing you. What do you mean by "questioning the whole GAL thing right now"? Is it because you're GAL'ing and still thinking about her? GAL isn't a magic pill, it takes a while for it to work. You'll think about her less and less over time until you find yourself not thinking about her at all for long periods of time.
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Going back and reading the DR, Men are from Mars or 5 Love Lang... I don't know if it helps or not. I read fairly fast and have good retention so subsequent reading goes faster and faster.
Do the opposite. Read fast the first time to get the broad picture, then slow down the following times and really think about it, meditate on it, and digest it. I think we all like to fancy ourselves fast readers with good retention but in actuality we all miss a lot of substance when we read too quickly.
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Considering how well I feel I am doing with this detaching... really not at all. Conclusion, fault is with what or how I am doing this and not the process. I'd say everyone else is struggling with it too but seem to be making better progress.
You joined 3 months ago! When we say this is a marathon and not a sprint, we are not talking about saving your M. We're talking about saving YOU. It doesn't happen overnight, it is a slow, difficult, frustrating process. The number one stumbling block for most people here is a lack of patience. Hey, I get it. Who wants to hurt and suffer for months, no one. But unfortunately that is part of it. When a loved one passes away it takes us a lot of time to grieve and come to acceptance. This is not much different, she is still around but nevertheless you have lost her and you will grieve for a while. Just keep at it and try to understand that things will get better with time, but you can't speed up time!
I've lost her... some of the worst words I have ever heard. I so want to show her, not tell her or force her or anything else, show her this is wrong. I know... she has to reach that conclusion herself. Can't be force or encouraged or nothing. I do love her so much. I'm sure there are others here that are in this position with their S. Not sure what sort of comfort there is in that if any.
Time machine and changes... oh yeah. Like anyone else of that I'm certain.
I hope that she changes her mind about the D and being separated. She doesn't... ever? God, I pray that isn't the case.
The sleep thing has been far longer than this actively has been known. Probably since before my Mom died.
What to do what to do...
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
I've lost her... some of the worst words I have ever heard.
Sorry, I should have added "for now" to that. I wish I could tell you that you'll reconcile later but I can't. It COULD happen, but it might not happen. I will tell you that if you look at my timeline, it has been a long time since BD and my ex and I get along better now than we have at any other time since BD. All of the anger and resentment and frustration and such that both of us felt is gone. Do we love each other? Yes I think that's still pretty clear. Are we "in love"? No, and I think both of us are completely fine with that (I know I am). But my point is even if you never reconcile, you WILL find peace with that.
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I so want to show her, not tell her or force her or anything else, show her this is wrong. I know... she has to reach that conclusion herself. Can't be force or encouraged or nothing.
That's right, and it will take her a long time.
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I do love her so much. I'm sure there are others here that are in this position with their S. Not sure what sort of comfort there is in that if any.
She loves you too. She refuses to show it right now, but maybe she will again some day.
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I hope that she changes her mind about the D and being separated. She doesn't... ever?
Lots of recons have happened after S and even D. There's no end to hope until you decide there is.
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The sleep thing has been far longer than this actively has been known. Probably since before my Mom died.
You might try a sleep clinic if you think it's not BD-related, one of my friends did and they were able to help him. Not getting proper sleep is miserable!
AnotherStanding, Burned, thanks for the clarification and encouragement. I am not ashamed toadmit I was panicky and felt devastated again. To me she is that important to me.
