I'm not sure what your thoughts are on me going or not. If you would like me to go, we can just leave a car there and pick it up on the way back otherwise I will just drop them off and go back home."
Potato Potato Tomato Tomato I would of assumed I wasn't going unless she specifically asked me to go.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
The asking about her day is more about maybe a 180 for me I guess? I don't want to be silent because she might imply that I'm mad or upset that she took this job and I don't "care" about how her first day went. If I ask and seem genuinely interested, it would show her that I care about her and how her day went and maybe show to her that I'm fine/OK with her taking this new job. I don't know....
This is fine as long as you have zero expectations it changes anything. I didn't like to engage in small talk because it kept me attached while I was progressing in detaching. I would say hi, goodbye, morning, goodnight but wouldn't go out of my way to do it just wouldn't avoid it.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
HOWEVER, none of her actions or frankly nothing else she has said really confirms that is what she believes or is thinking.
Ding ding ding we have a winner! We always say here look at her ACTIONS.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
The part that really bugs, concerns and disappoints me is that I'm not really even asking her to R at this point. I'm simply asking her if she would be open to TRYING to work on our M to see if we can R. To actively work in a healthy manner (marital counseling, retrouvaille, etc.) to see if we can't make things work which we've never done, ever, in the past. I'm just astounded that she's willing to give up half of the time with our kids without even trying to see if we can make it work. This is what just shocks the hell out of me. I don't understand it.
Wanted there isn't one person on this board who can't say the same thing. This is the last thing that still bothers me to this day.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
I guess there are essentially two things that might work in my favor. 1 being the new job is going to give her way less time with the kids (1 hr commute one way), so she's going to be missing out on getting them ready for school, dropping them off at school, picking them up from school and more than likely feeding/having supper with them.
Don't be so sure about that my friend. I am seeing this girl who admitted she likes not having her kids for a week.
I guess there are essentially two things that might work in my favor. 1 being the new job is going to give her way less time with the kids (1 hr commute one way), so she's going to be missing out on getting them ready for school, dropping them off at school, picking them up from school and more than likely feeding/having supper with them.
Don't be so sure about that my friend. I am seeing this girl who admitted she likes not having her kids for a week.
I don't know, man. Our kids are her LIFE. For as bad of a W she's been to me, she's been on the opposite end of the spectrum as a mother. I hate to even say this, but almost to a fault maybe? She would invest SO much time into the kids that our relationship was put on the back burner. We didn't devote anytime for ourselves because it was always about the kids. She hasn't really changed as a mother over these last 2 months either. She is still an amazing mother to them (aside from trying to destroy their family as they know it!) But she doesn't see it that way, "They will be just fine if we D."
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
I guess there are essentially two things that might work in my favor. 1 being the new job is going to give her way less time with the kids (1 hr commute one way), so she's going to be missing out on getting them ready for school, dropping them off at school, picking them up from school and more than likely feeding/having supper with them.
Don't be so sure about that my friend. I am seeing this girl who admitted she likes not having her kids for a week.
I don't know, man. Our kids are her LIFE. For as bad of a W she's been to me, she's been on the opposite end of the spectrum as a mother. I hate to even say this, but almost to a fault maybe? She would invest SO much time into the kids that our relationship was put on the back burner. We didn't devote anytime for ourselves because it was always about the kids. She hasn't really changed as a mother over these last 2 months either. She is still an amazing mother to them (aside from trying to destroy their family as they know it!) But she doesn't see it that way, "They will be just fine if we D."
If your wife is a WW, you would be shocked to find out what she is willing to sacrifice to pursue her "wants". Waywards are the most selfish creatures on planet Earth. There is nothing they won't burn to the ground if it means getting what they want. On that you can go to the bank.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W - My XW fully enjoys being a part time parent and getting the child support money I provide her. The last thing I struggle with is how in the hell did I even get to this point. Someone that I knew intimately for 17 years has so much resentment and anger towards someone that did nothing but be a loyal husband that was a good provider. I will never understand. The funny thing is that I got a friend request on FB from my XMIL. Like WTF?????
If it was me I would not want to spend Thanksgiving with someone that wants nothing to with me. If it was me I would go anywhere else other than with her and her family.
If this statement was 100% correct she would do MC with you. I don't think there is a person in the world that will deny that the kids are better off in a happy, healthy marriage which can be obtained in successful marriage counseling.
If this statement was 100% correct she would do MC with you. I don't think there is a person in the world that will deny that the kids are better off in a happy, healthy marriage which can be obtained in successful marriage counseling.
I agree! Which makes me wonder where her freaking head is at...she keeps trying to convince herself that they will be "just fine" if we D. She's always been super independent, so I'm sure she probably does believe they will be "just fine." She came from a broken home due to the sexual abuse of her biological father, so that probably doesn't help her appreciation of a full, intact family. I don't know....
I just wish I could talk to her logically, but as everyone on here has warned, that will do NO good. It's all based on emotion right now. I would love to just set it all straight with her but I know for a fact that won't get me anywhere.
While I wish none of us were in this situation, unfortunately it gives me a little comfort knowing I'm not alone in wondering why she isn't open to trying to fix the M. It just seems so damn obvious that that would be the obvious and most logical solution it drives me (and all of you guys) nuts. Again, logic has no bearing in their minds, it's all emotion. But you'd think eventually some logic would come into play.....oh well, onward and upward.
At least at the end of the day I'll know I tried everything I could in my power to make it work. She probably thinks the same thing, right now, but we all know that isn't the case and eventually maybe she will realize that too. By then it'll probably be too late though.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
