She’s grasping at straws now that I’ve fully taken my b@lls back from her and returned back to the alpha version of myself I once was.
Music to my ears.
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W said ok but then asked what I was doing and what I had planned for the day. I ignored and just said I would have S coat dropped off while they would be away while getting some allergy shots. Left on her back porch.
Good job!
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More interaction last 5 days than last 5 months.
Of course! Why? See below:
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Continue GAL activities and keep her out of it.
Plus, the biggest, most attractive thing is getting those b@lls back!!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The tide seems to be trending in my favor in a lot of fronts. W reached out to me yesterday on 3 different occasions on irrelevant things in which she knew the answers to. Only responded with resending her a copy of auto insurance card without any text. She replied with a big THANK YOU!!! and a smile/wink emoji. It’s definitely noticeable that she has become more submissive since last week’s interactions.
GAL activities yesterday included gym, church, and on a whim decided to go to Italian restaurant by myself and listen to a live band in the city when I started feeling a bit lost in my head. It was fairly entertaining and good to stay out of house.
3 interviews lined up this week...
Working hard to find the gratitudes in what’s all transpired the last 7 months. Having difficulty in some areas particularly with WAW. I’ve put everything into gods hands as my faith has definitely been a defining life change since BD has sharpened. Possibly my emerging struggle is due to upcoming holidays??? FWIW...I will keep my mindset to be outcome independent and not backtrack.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
The tide seems to be trending in my favor in a lot of fronts. W reached out to me yesterday on 3 different occasions on irrelevant things in which she knew the answers to. Only responded with resending her a copy of auto insurance card without any text. She replied with a big THANK YOU!!! and a smile/wink emoji. It’s definitely noticeable that she has become more submissive since last week’s interactions.
GAL activities yesterday included gym, church, and on a whim decided to go to Italian restaurant by myself and listen to a live band in the city when I started feeling a bit lost in my head. It was fairly entertaining and good to stay out of house.
3 interviews lined up this week...
Working hard to find the gratitudes in what’s all transpired the last 7 months. Having difficulty in some areas particularly with WAW. I’ve put everything into gods hands as my faith has definitely been a defining life change since BD has sharpened. Possibly my emerging struggle is due to upcoming holidays??? FWIW...I will keep my mindset to be outcome independent and not backtrack.
All good stuff. One sign my sitch started to turn around was when my W started to contact me about trivial things like she did early in our R, and like she hadn't done in a long time. Either she didn't feel connected to me to do those things. Or she didn't feel safe. Or she was going to someone else. Didn't matter, the fact that she started again was huge.
EZ I always caution LBSs in your sitch to be careful to accept this as proof she is ready to R too soon. Keep DBing. Don't let your guard done. I take time and consistency for her to show she has changed for real. Otherwise it could just be one big temp check.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes I’m definitely not even close to believing anything she says or does. My sitch is she had full intentions of taking my S full time at at least 90% custody it her plan backfired. Through lots of prayer and grace...I know I have to have forgiveness and in time can get there....I guess this time of year really hones in my gratitude.
Her attorney is also making some maneuvering that I won’t get into too much in this board....but it’s a disgrace. And that also keeps my current reality on the straight and narrow....as at the end of day my W approved it.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
....I just say I can’t change the past.....I just validated saying sorry you feel that way.... I once again validated and remained calm....I let it roll off me like water in a ducks back. .... I just smiled and said enjoy the rest of your day....Felt good that I didn’t let her anger or emotions impact my mood. I was centered the entire interaction... I continue to DB...
This is all perfect.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I disagree with this part of the validation thread. 🙂
Maybe I read it using the wrong tone, but this doesn't come across as a statement that validates the feelings or perspective of the other person. It's like trying to pass "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt" off as an apology.
My X would call me an A$$. I would respond "I am sorry you feel that way". It is better than escalating. There was some discussion in the past about agreeing vs validating. I lean toward the agreeing now.
Maybe validation is validating that we hear them rather than agreeing with their POV.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
The interactions I’ve been getting from w have continued to increase significantly. This morning alone she has FB messaged me on 8 different issues, emailed twice, and now texted. The issues mostly have to do with scheduling upcoming holidays, S cub scouts, and sale of house...but she is making attempts to have further ftf interactions between us. She even asked if she could hang out with S this F and bring him to my house (Friday is my time). My responses to her are brief and matter of fact.
I won’t take my walls down for a second...but knowing my W it has always been her mo to hint around the edges on stuff versus being direct. I obviously didn’t know how to interpret a lot prior to BD and won’t pretend to know in her present MLC state otherwise I don’t believe I would be here. The constant has been she’s coming to me, asking my thoughts....and being somewhat submissive.
As Steve mentioned, she seems to be coming back to me on things that she hasn’t for the last 8 months and I know I need to be really careful that it’s not just one big temp check.
I have worked really hard to insulate myself with DB’ing and don’t want to show any form of vulnerability.
For 7 months we have hardly seen each other, communicated only on items pertaining to S, and she has only shown disrespect, vindictive behavior, and coldness towards me. I do believe that reality is hitting her in the face now...and underneath she is now a scared little girl who’s afraid of her actions and choices.....none of which are turning out how she envisioned.
I’m human...I’m having an internal struggle on how I move forward? I didn’t want a D...still had a speck of hope for a long while...but finally let her and the idea of an intact family go 3 week’s ago.
Everyone IRL has told me to drop her like a bad habit and move on....everyone IRL gets baffled that I would even entertain R...but I know at the end it has to be me that makes that ultimate decision...otherwise I won’t be able to make peace with myself.
Please hit me with any 2x4’s if I need them....
Some of this could be me projecting....but I feel as if I’m approaching another crossroads.
Last edited by EZdozit; 11/07/1805:01 PM.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
The interactions I’ve been getting from w have continued to increase significantly. This morning alone she has FB messaged me on 8 different issues, emailed twice, and now texted. The issues mostly have to do with scheduling upcoming holidays, S cub scouts, and sale of house.
Now ask yourself EZ does that sound like someone who is having second thoughts? Just keep moving forward. If she changes her mind you will know.
Everyone IRL has told me to drop her like a bad habit and move on....everyone IRL gets baffled that I would even entertain R...but I know at the end it has to be me that makes that ultimate decision...otherwise I won’t be able to make peace with myself.
Be very careful with advice from "people IRL". Usually these are people that care about you and want you to be happy. They will have a problem staying objective. They know that working towards R will prolong your pain. Their goal is to see an end to your pain ASAP. Anything that delays that they will be against. I've read a lot from a lot of different anti-divorce experts, and the one thing they all tend to agree on is to not tell "people IRL" about your sitch. And most of them tell you that for this very reason. Their advice is going to selfish, one-sided and without objectivity because they are too close to the sitch.
I think I told you already but there was no sudden turnaround in my W. There as no big moment where she made a grand proclamation "I've decided to R!" It hardly ever works that way. Usually the WAS will start to change small things. Like you said, things she didn't do for 8 months, she will slowly start doing again. Rarely do we get a big bang event.
So just keep DBing. As AS told someone else, ease up just a tad on the "space and time" and make yourself a little more available. But resist the urge to pursue. so many WAS have come sniffing around only to be sent running again when the LBS applied a little pressure.
Let it happen naturally. Organically. If you try to force it then it will come crumbling down.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
