Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[LH19]

At least at the end of the day I'll know I tried everything I could in my power to make it work. She probably thinks the same thing, right now, but we all know that isn't the case and eventually maybe she will realize that too.

Yep. I listened to my ex tell my daughter "honey we tried everything to make it work" insert LH19 eye roll. We went to like 4 MC sessions before she quit saying it wasn't working WTF?

Your learning. Do not try to use logic and reason.

[Wanted1]

If/when the time comes, I'm very afraid I won't be able to just sit there and let her say things like, "we tried everything to make it work" without responding with, "Are you ____ kidding me?!" At that point, all hope is probably lost anyway, so maybe me venting all of my frustrations on her won't matter and I should just do it.

[LH19]

At that point, all hope is probably lost anyway, so maybe me venting all of my frustrations on her won't matter and I should just do it.

And your back to trying to use logic and reason.

[burned]

"Are you ____ kidding me?!"

Some nights I wish I had said that. Marriage workshop, at least 12 sessions of MC.
But LH is right, it's not about logic. Or at least, it's not about YOUR logic. Do you know what was the giveaway, for me? The way she phrased it at the end. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't feel like we had tried everything." Her, her her.

[Wanted1]

At that point, all hope is probably lost anyway, so maybe me venting all of my frustrations on her won't matter and I should just do it.

And your back to trying to use logic and reason.

I know that. It's just going to be hard not to give her a hard dose of reality, logic and reason when she's on the way out the door and trying to make it sound like "she tried."

No, W didn't try. W never even had a thought about trying. -- I'd like to say that along with a lot of other things when I know for sure D is taking place and there is no turning back. Will it change the way she thinks? Of course not. But it will give me some closure in telling her what really took place and that her fairy tale of thinking she tried is just that, a fairy tale, to make herself feel better about her monumental decision to tear apart our family.

You are either with us (family) or against us. And when the time comes that she drops the real bomb, she will be against us.

[Wanted1]

D now appears to be just a matter of time, and W seems to be getting meaner and colder by the week.

This is actually fairly normal. I think they do it hoping that we will treat them the same thus justifying their desire to D. So your response should be to take the high road and not let her drag you down to her level. Conduct yourself with dignity and respect at all times.

Damn. And then AS decided to drop this little tid bit in another thread. Maybe I'll just be the better person and take the high road rather than letting her have it in the end.

I'm just trying to think ahead to how I'm going to respond.

[LH19]

I know that. It's just going to be hard not to give her a hard dose of reality, logic and reason when she's on the way out the door and trying to make it sound like "she tried."

Deep down inside she knows it's BS anyway. It just helps her justify it.

[burned]

Yes and yes. Take the high road. She's already letting herself have it. Someone around here once said, every time you want to do something, ask yourself if it's because of love or because of a need. You might need to say those things to her FOR YOU, but she doesn't need to hear them.

Oh but man is it tempting.

Edit: was it on your thread that Accuray posted something about how it's harder to leave a decent person than a terrible person? And all the guilt that goes with it?

Or another way of looking at it. I had to put my dog down last year. We hugged her and petted her while she was falling asleep. It was sad but kind. Now think of what if we decided she was just not the dog for us, for no particular reason except that it just wasn't working. Perfectly decent dog, just not really what we're into right now. So we bring her to the shelter. Do we spend 3 hours helping her get comfy in the cage? Do we wave at her and smile as we walk away? Do we feel good when she makes the horrible left-behind sound? I think it's like that. To the dog, we're evil abandonment monsters who are happy to watch her starve. But to us, it's what we had to do. So be the dog that curls up and rests, trusting that pretty soon some cute kid is going to want a birthday present.

[Wanted1]

Yes and yes. Take the high road. She's already letting herself have it. Someone around here once said, every time you want to do something, ask yourself if it's because of love or because of a need. You might need to say those things to her FOR YOU, but she doesn't need to hear them.

Oh but man is it tempting.

Edit: was it on your thread that Accuray posted something about how it's harder to leave a decent person than a terrible person? And all the guilt that goes with it?

Or another way of looking at it. I had to put my dog down last year. We hugged her and petted her while she was falling asleep. It was sad but kind. Now think of what if we decided she was just not the dog for us, for no particular reason except that it just wasn't working. Perfectly decent dog, just not really what we're into right now. So we bring her to the shelter. Do we spend 3 hours helping her get comfy in the cage? Do we wave at her and smile as we walk away? Do we feel good when she makes the horrible left-behind sound? I think it's like that. To the dog, we're evil abandonment monsters who are happy to watch her starve. But to us, it's what we had to do. So be the dog that curls up and rests, trusting that pretty soon some cute kid is going to want a birthday present.

burned,

I read Accuray's post in ballast's thread I believe and then copied it into my thread because I thought it fit my sitch pretty well.....

Agree with the high road. I know it's the right way, but like you said, man it is so tempting to do the other!

[Wanted1]

I know that. It's just going to be hard not to give her a hard dose of reality, logic and reason when she's on the way out the door and trying to make it sound like "she tried."

Deep down inside she knows it's BS anyway. It just helps her justify it.

Very, very true. Thanks, LH for everything you've provided to me thus far. I'm sure there will be more and I'll thank you in advance!