13 years and two small children

[AnotherStander]

Today was a tough day. I have spoken to our mutual friend, and told her that I no longer want / need information about WW, as it is actually not a help but it keeps me caught instead of being able to detach and find my self again.

Great! Now be prepared to have to remind her a few times, because people like her thrive on gossip and it'll be eating her up not to be the center of attention.

that WW and OM are meeting today in a forest to talk about their relationship, and that OM wants a third chance.

today was going to be a long day at work, but her and her female colleagues would stay at school all day and have a great and fun day

Man this really irks me. I just hate hearing stuff like this, because it is SO INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL to you! It would be better if she just said to your face that she's going to meet OM. All this sneaking around and lying is just absolutely disgusting. I hope you see that and agree with it, because that leads into this:

I am having a really hard time figuring out how to be around her, and maybe I am being a fool, maybe I am not understanding things right, but do I ignore her, when she asks me about things such as smalltalk and my job and whatnot? The last evenings I have been coming home from the gym and just headed straight to bed instead of staying in the living room with her - Is this what I should do ? I am still a bit confused. She is acting like she is just going to work, coming back home and being a family (cake-eating I know)... Or do I just answer short but in a happy mood?

Because if you are DISGUSTED with her as you should be, then that should drive how you treat her. She doesn't deserve to be treated like your W, or even like a decent person. Maybe she was decent and will be again, but right now?

I dont trust her one bit at this stage

Good, you definitely should not.

Today I am going to have fun with the kids, go to the park and feed the ducks, then dinner and when WW gets home I will be going to the gym. After gym I will be going straight to bed, I don't want to hear about her day (is this right?)

Again, get disgusted with her! There is nothing wrong with that! Be completely turned off by her actions and disrespect towards you. Behave accordingly. Above all, respect yourself. Does someone who respects themselves allow themselves to be treated like this?

EDIT- just noticed Steve hit on the same point but in much shorter fashion, sometimes I get wordy

[Hurt213]

Need a quick advice!

I sent the sales papers for the house to WW this morning with the following message: Hi xxxx. Here are the papers for the house, let me know if I should proceed with the sale immediately."

She wrote me a text instantly saying "weren't we going to wait with the sale for after christmas?"

I don't know what to respond....

She is currently still seing / in contact with OM, and I feel like im only giving her time to find a footing in the new relationship she is trying to evolve.

However if I push for the sale, then I am the one doing the dirty work?

Do I inform her, that I am not interested in delaying the sale, because it is only giving her time to evolve things with OM?

Im at a loss here, please help .

[FlySolo]

Need a quick advice!

I sent the sales papers for the house to WW this morning with the following message: Hi xxxx. Here are the papers for the house, let me know if I should proceed with the sale immediately."

She wrote me a text instantly saying "weren't we going to wait with the sale for after christmas?"

I don't know what to respond....

She is currently still seing / in contact with OM, and I feel like im only giving her time to find a footing in the new relationship she is trying to evolve.

However if I push for the sale, then I am the one doing the dirty work?

Do I inform her, that I am not interested in delaying the sale, because it is only giving her time to evolve things with OM?

Im at a loss here, please help .

Hurt - from reading other threads the general advice here (and granted it is normally to be with D) is that we don't push for it if we don't want it, but we also don't stand in the way.

Things will evolve with OM regardless of whether you sell the house or not. What do you want? Do you want to sell the house or are you doing it to show her there are 'consequences'.

If it were me, and granted our sitch's are not exactly the same I would respond with a "I do not want to sell the house, but if you are firm that you want to sell it, then I do not see the point of waiting as we may not get another offer for some time."

Balls in her court that way.

[Hurt213]

I just composed a mail the minute before you posted unfortunately:

I summed up of the things "ready2change" wrote in another forum post.

I wrote her:

"Hi xxxx.

Here are my thoughts regarding the house and other aspects of this.

Look at the papers, and tell me what you think.

You have clearly expressed, that I am not to be a part of your life anymore, and that you want out of this.

Me: I agree, this is not working for either in the current way things are.

You no longer have any interest in me.

Me:I understand, and can see why we should no longer be a thing. We both deserve to be happy.

You express that you have lost yourself in this, and have lost other opportunities in life because you were with me.

Me: I agree, and think it is best if you figure things out, without me.

Me: I see many solutions to our problems. If this is the only way, that will make you happy. Then I won't stand in your way.

You said that our relationship became routine and it was unhealthy.

Me: I agree, i need and want more excitement in my life.

You expressed that our relationship developed into something you didn't expect.

Me: It surely was not what I expected either , and I never want to get back to that situation again.

You say, that sometimes you have feelings for me, and other times you don't - you don't know how to make those feelings stay.

Me: Well, I don't know how to make them stay, but I am looking forward to having my feelings of affection returned one day.

You told how you did things with me, that you didn't really enjoy doing, but you did it for me.

Me: I appreciate your honesty. Hopefully now, you will get to do things that make you happy.

You say so many things went down over the last couple of years, that you no longer can see yourself in this relationship. Me: I can't fathom that we made it this far. I wish relationships werent this complicated.

You expressed the fact that you love / loved me. But you are eager and interested in finding out what is out there for you.

Me: I am sorry you feel that way, but I hope you find what you are looking for."

[neffer]

Hurt...is this dialogue real?

[FlySolo]

Have you already sent it?

[Hurt213]

These are statements she has made almost identical in the past, and then I found a validation thread when reading for a good advice, and I decided to validate her opinions in a written statement. I have not previously been able to answer her on them. She mentioned 3-4 of these statements yesterday evening, but I decided to go to bed, as I didn't know how to respond and found the conversation to take turn about us, and I was not ready for that.

[Hurt213]

Yes I did send it. (I might have made a mistake), however, I felt really good, because it lets her know that It is okay for her to do her thing, and I am doing mine (I am beginning to believe this myself) which is a big step.

[Living]

I just composed a mail the minute before you posted unfortunately:

I summed up of the things "ready2change" wrote in another forum post.

I wrote her:

"Hi xxxx.

Here are my thoughts regarding the house and other aspects of this.

Look at the papers, and tell me what you think.

You have clearly expressed, that I am not to be a part of your life anymore, and that you want out of this.

Me: I agree, this is not working for either in the current way things are.

You no longer have any interest in me.

Me:I understand, and can see why we should no longer be a thing. We both deserve to be happy.

You express that you have lost yourself in this, and have lost other opportunities in life because you were with me.

Me: I agree, and think it is best if you figure things out, without me.

Me: I see many solutions to our problems. If this is the only way, that will make you happy. Then I won't stand in your way.

You said that our relationship became routine and it was unhealthy.

Me: I agree, i need and want more excitement in my life.

You expressed that our relationship developed into something you didn't expect.

Me: It surely was not what I expected either , and I never want to get back to that situation again.

You say, that sometimes you have feelings for me, and other times you don't - you don't know how to make those feelings stay.

Me: Well, I don't know how to make them stay, but I am looking forward to having my feelings of affection returned one day.

You told how you did things with me, that you didn't really enjoy doing, but you did it for me.

Me: I appreciate your honesty. Hopefully now, you will get to do things that make you happy.

You say so many things went down over the last couple of years, that you no longer can see yourself in this relationship. Me: I can't fathom that we made it this far. I wish relationships werent this complicated.

You expressed the fact that you love / loved me. But you are eager and interested in finding out what is out there for you.

Me: I am sorry you feel that way, but I hope you find what you are looking for."

Wow!!!! My H said almost all of these same things to me. They must be using the same playbook. Kuddos to you believing in yourself.

[neffer]

Ok Hurt. What do you want here? If you want D then it´s ok. You do what you do.

DB is a tool to improve yourself. If doesn´t matter if you want to stay into MR or not. It helps YOU.

Do you want to stay in MR? or do you want D?