Finding new friends and a new life is not easy. I was lucky to have a fair amount of friends that were "mine". But it will get easier every day. Have you been on meetup.com?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I have been into photography since I was 15. What is your favorite subject?
It depends on what I am feeling. I live in a beautiful area so landscape and nature are common subjects.
Portraits (especially D4) are things I am increasingly enjoying. I am contemplating dipping my toes into paid gigs.
City life is also another favorite of mine. I love shooting long exposures that capture life as it happens around me.
It's something that I have grown into over the years. If you asked me 5-6 years ago if I would spend almost $10,000 on camera gear I'd have called you crazy. Not crazy now. I love it. I would love to share my work with you all, but I also know that may expose my identity to parties that may not be privvy to my sitch.
ovr, meetup.com has been very spotty for me, but doing a simple google search has opened up some other options for me. I saw a few photography clubs in the city that I may go to next week. I'm planning on ducking out of work early to lift then head to the clubs. I also have a few sex ed classes tentatively planned. I may not ever have sex with W again or anyone else for a long time, but being a dominant, controlling man (sexually) is something that I need to embrace and learn more about.
Damper beginning to the day. I got my monthly performance review and I did worse than I thought I did. Which has been a surprise since I have felt I have been improving. So that may be a topic of discussion for my manager when I get back to work.
Started tearing up last night. Not that I was expecting any changes but it still seems W is seeing OM. Went into her bedroom to grab my clothes. Her room is a total mess. Our engagement photo is gone (again). Not taking it to mean one thing or the other. It’s just sad. It feels surreal that I was in an R the last 9 years. Then I look around me and see the evidence that yes, it has happened.
I’m out running errands with D4 now. Nothing fun planned for now.
I would do wedding shoots to pay for new equipment. Very stressful back in the film days. Had to make sure all the details were right. Now with instant review, the stress is a lot less.
I am specing out a new PC so a can get my LS-4000 scanner back up and running. I am planning on getting a web store set-up here in the next year. There are drop ship printing services now and people can pick the photos they like and have them drop shipped.
Never enough time to focus on my passion.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I was on the phone with my mom yesterday. D4 and I left a Men’s Warehouse (I’m going to dress like a man) and my conversation got a little intense. From the back I hear:
“You are a good daddy. You are a good daddy. You are not a bad daddy. You are a good daddy and I love you.”
just checking in with you. I'd stay out of your WW's room, it's clearly going to bring hurt so no sense in stepping into that punch.
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Then I look around me and see the evidence that yes, it has happened.
What was the "evidence"? I am not understanding this line.
Your daughter sounds cute as hell!
And I was just listening to a podcast last week about photography. A couple of hardcore duck hunters do photography as well. One of the guy's grandma said "that's a great picture, I bet you have a really nice camera". So he replied that her cooking was really good and that she must have a great stove. Hahaha.
Anyways, I think the photography clubs sound pretty cool. And the sex classes seem like they can really help you down the road when the time comes.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
There are very few times I go in there. It's mostly to throw washed clothes on her bed after washing.
The evidence that I was in a relationship. Looking back it feels surreal. I'm feeling like I'm settling back into my old pre-R days and that the last 9 years was a very vivid dream. Then I look around me. I see D4, I see the house. I see...her. Nope...I had it. And I lost it.
W is working hard to get me to converse. We were at church so and I did not want to keep the distance going so I asked her about her...weekend. Nothing new. She said she did stuff I did not believe. After church, I spent the rest of the day GAL. Cleaned and detailed my car, had my men's group session, lifted, and went to a coffee shop and stared at my phone while time passed by. Went home about 30 minutes before D4's bedtime. Made more small talk with W then said prayers and went to sleep.
D4 is amazing. She has been my starlight through this dark time in my life.
Sex ed class tonight. Then lifting after. Late night ahead.
We meet each other. I teach a class there. She meets me there.
She said she stayed in town for one evening and walked about town (I don't believe that). She says that she is going to have dinner with friends. Not any of our mutual friends, but "other" friends (I don't believe that).
And then there is the stuff she told me months ago about "not having to worry" about physical relations with OM when I found the emails three weeks ago. So she likely lied about that too. I just have not told directly that I do not trust her at all, with the exception that she would not take D4 away from me. I told her than that I don't trust her.
Now she wants to take her later this week for the night so she can play with kids her age W is apparently babysitting. I'm trying to have D4 stay with me instead. I do not think she is babysitting. I just think she wants to have D4 see W and OM.
