Congrats on the buck. I think where I'm at we'd call it a four pointer. Unless you got a behemoth.
You mean because it has 4 on each side? In my area this is about as big as they get.
Congrats Steve! Here in TX we count total points, but my friend in Montana only counts one side. And it's the lesser side, so 3 on one side and 5 on the other is a "3 pointer". First time I mentioned taking a shot at an 8 pointer to him (before we cleared this up) he stared at me in astonishment
So while I went from BD (self initiated) to R in roughly 3 months, that is a very very unique set of circumstances that allowed for that come about. No one should look at my sitch and think theirs will happen as quickly.
Steve I don't want to take anything away from you because you understand DBing very clearly, better them most people for sure.
Having said that, IMO you had two things in your favor that prevented you from most likely getting D'd.
1. Your Ws OPs were far away and essentially not real. 2. Your W is a stay at home mom.
Those things were clearly factors in her having a change of heart.
Again, not taking away from your ability to turn it around just saying that it is extremely rare to turn it around in such a short time frame after bomb drop, when the OPs are real and the WAWS can support themselves.
Something I've been ruminating on (yes, I know, a deer term!)
I've seen some chatter lately about the relationship between the LBS and their MIL, or FIL, or SIL, or BIL, IE just about anyone on the WAS' side of the family. Things like "They love me!" or "They don't want him/her to leave me."
Obviously, there is a temptation by the LBS to reach out and leverage these relationships. However, that temptation should be resisted at all costs. There are lots of reasons for it:
1) Your WAS will resent it. In their mind it is a "rallying of the troops" against them. That resentment means that this tactic WILL backfire on you. Even if you beat them into submission with this tactic, and they agree to "R" it will be short-lived and BD#2 will be just around the corner. More than likely it will only accelerate their desire to live. This tactic will confirm to them the reasons that they are living.
2) If your WAS is also a WS they will have no problem removing the person, no matter who it is, from their lives. Remember, they are cutting lose the person they were closest to, YOU the LBS, to chase their fantasy, don't be surprised when they are willing to remove children, siblings, parents, grandparents, friends, etc to chase their fantasy. Also, this tactic will once again, in the case of a WS, cause an acceleration of them leaving. They will want to be the one to drop the bomb to the rest of their family rather than have you do it.
3) It is a breach of confidentiality. Your sitch is your business. Unless you have express permission from the WAS you are violating their confidence by telling others about your sitch. This is extremely important, and will probably be controversial for some here. But especially crossing over to the WAS' family and telling people what they are doing is a violation of trust. As said above, it will often cause them, in their mind, to feel that they are justified in their actions "because I can't trust you". Further, again, it can cause them to accelerate their plans, as in now you've given them the excuse or justification to go ahead and follow through.
4) No matter how much you think your MIL, or FIL, or BIL, or SIL, or the WAS' BFF loves you. They will 99.95% of the time side with their son, or daughter, or sister, or brother, or BFF over you! Even if initially they side with you, once they hear their blood relation's side of things you will be shocked how quickly they switch allegiance. Blood is thicker than water! Don't think you can overcome that love for blood relations with logic, reason, evidence, etc. No matter how poorly behaving the WAS has become! THIS IS WHY THIS WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU ALMOST ALL OF THE TIME!
All of this is the reason it is verboten to approach your WAS' family and friends about your sitch. It will hardly ever, as in less that 1% of the time, turn out in your favor. Just don't do it. It will be so much better for you in the long run to not take that tact. In fact, most of the posters on this board that have done this now regret doing it. Learn from the mistakes of others!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So while I went from BD (self initiated) to R in roughly 3 months, that is a very very unique set of circumstances that allowed for that come about. No one should look at my sitch and think theirs will happen as quickly.
Steve I don't want to take anything away from you because you understand DBing very clearly, better them most people for sure.
Having said that, IMO you had two things in your favor that prevented you from most likely getting D'd.
1. Your Ws OPs were far away and essentially not real. 2. Your W is a stay at home mom.
Those things were clearly factors in her having a change of heart.
Again, not taking away from your ability to turn it around just saying that it is extremely rare to turn it around in such a short time frame after bomb drop, when the OPs are real and the WAWS can support themselves.
LH, this is extremely fair comment! Absolutely.
One caveat to #2 though. She is college-degreed, and though she has been out of the workforce since 2004, I have no doubt that she would be able to land a very well paying job that could support her in very short order.
But yes, those were 2 more factors that definitely helped make her have a change of heart. Though I still attribute DBing tactics to the vast majority of reason. When she saw me embracing our future apart, it really started to hit her that her fantasy was becoming reality....and fast.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Unless you got a behemoth.
