[Wanted1]

I'm done talking R ...............

We are scheduled to talk to a religious advisor (the priest that married us who is a very good family friend of my W and her family) next week. Maybe the miracle I'm looking for will take the place in that discussion, but I'm not going to expect for that to be the case. My W is pretty distant from me at this point.

Sounds like you arent done talking.......

Are you cancelling the MC sessions also?

I addressed the first comment in my previous post.

No more joint sessions scheduled right now. Gonna be a little hard now that W has the new job, but if the topic comes up, I’ll be declining unless my W proves through her actions she’s willing to do what it takes to try and work toward R. The two we did didn’t do any good, anyway, other than give W a soapbox to air her grievances with me, so there is no point.

[Wanted1]

W texted me this morning that I'm supposed to write to the religious advisor (priest that married us) and explain my experiences with what's going on in our marriage. She said her IC suggested we each write to him ahead of our meeting so he has a chance to digest it all and so the meeting doesn't so freaking long with us going through it all during it. She reached out to him to ask if he was acceptable with this and responded that he thinks it would be a good idea.

I'm a little relieved because then I was able to put some thought into all of the background of what transpired. I sent mine this morning and it was looooong. I didn't go into too much detail, but I explained the As and tried to summarize as best as I could what's all taken place since BD.

I'm sure W's little summary will be quite lengthy too, and will be filled with how unhappy she's been in our marriage from the start and how terrible I am and this and that.

I acknowledged to him that I'm convinced it's going to take a miracle from above and that if that miracle is going to come, it almost has to come in the form of this meeting. He was recently appointed a Bishop and lives about 10 hours from where we live currently. I truly believe there is a little divine intervention at play with this, because when I reached out to him on Saturday night about the possibility of meeting, he replied back that he is literally only going to be about 20 min from W's parents house to celebrate Thanksgiving with some of his family. W, kids and possibly I will be out there for Thanksgiving. He suggested we meet with him Friday morning which is absolutely perfect as far as logistics are concerned. That's almost too much of a coincidence.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much and to remain guarded, but I'm somewhat hopeful nonetheless. W adores this man immensely. I think that if anyone can speak to her and get through to her either he, or God through him, can. If not, then I think the writing is pretty much on the wall and I'm comfortable in my belief that I did everything in my power to try to salvage this M.

Next Friday is very pivotal IMO. I don't expect there to be some monumental "come to Jesus" moment for my W during the meeting, it would be nice if there was, however that seems unrealistic. I will look for those baby steps that might indicate she's at least considering moving in my direction. If there appears to be nothing, then like I said, the writing is pretty much on the wall. I will be moving forward as if we are official done. I have to for my own sanity and health.

[LH19]

I acknowledged to him that I'm convinced it's going to take a miracle from above and that if that miracle is going to come, it almost has to come in the form of this meeting.

Geez! Nothing like putting pressure on the poor guy.

Based on your past history I wish you would have posted the letter first. It's bound to come up in conversation.

[neffer]

W, DB is a process. It takes time and your commitment to follow that process. Don’t wait for magic bullets. You can’t change W feelings with a snap of your fingers.

Patience W.

[Wanted1]

I acknowledged to him that I'm convinced it's going to take a miracle from above and that if that miracle is going to come, it almost has to come in the form of this meeting.

Geez! Nothing like putting pressure on the poor guy.

Based on your past history I wish you would have posted the letter first. It's bound to come up in conversation.

LOL, I thought about that after I sent it. "I need a miracle, hope you're up for it!"

It was honestly too long to put on here.

He replied and said "thank you for these words, it is good to read your words." I've never considered myself a wordsmith by any means. in fact, I've always had my W basically redraft any type of letter or communication I needed to send out for work. She is on another planet when it comes to that sort of thing.

[Wanted1]

W, DB is a process. It takes time and your commitment to follow that process. Don’t wait for magic bullets. You can’t change W feelings with a snap of your fingers.

Patience W.

I know that and I've now, finally, accepted the reality of it. It [censored] to not have control over your own life WRT your M. Its a hard thing to come to realize. At least for me. You can't control anyone but yourself and a M includes another person. I guess it took a lot of failings in trying to do so for me to come to grips with it.

I know there are no magic bullets, but I don't foresee this hurting my chances. Maybe I'll be wrong (again). If it does, well, I guess I can chalk it up as another 'good effort but no dice' situation. This is my last ditch effort. If nothing good comes from it, I can't do much about it but be comfortable knowing I tried.

I do know if I didn't push for this meeting I would always regret that I didn't.

[neffer]

Just manage expectations W. There is not a black or white solution. And there is nothing definitive. Each road chosen needs a sacrifice to be made. You must work on yourself no matter what happens at the meeting. PMA man!

Wishing the best outcome for you and your family W!

[Wanted1]

Just manage expectations W. There is not a black or white solution. And there is nothing definitive. Each road chosen needs a sacrifice to be made. You must work on yourself no matter what happens at the meeting. PMA man!

Wishing the best outcome for you and your family W!

Thanks so much for the support and kind words. It will be a long road to R. That I’m sure of. And it probably has to be in order for it to last. We both have a lot of work to do and I’ve already started down the path to become a better person. Im doing it regardless of the outcome.

I hear you about managing expectations. I’m definitely trying to. I’m hopeful, but also realize that there is a pretty good chance she’s too far gone for anything to change her mind and feelings. I really don’t understand how or why and probably will never know or understand.

[MoveFrwd]

If nothing good comes from it, I can't do much about it but be comfortable knowing I tried.

This line of thinking doesnt make any sense to me. If you were in prison, you wouldnt smash your head against the wall 50 times and then walk away saying "well, I didnt think I was going to be able to tunnel my way out of jail by hitting my head against the wall, but at least I tried." To me, the process is about setting goals, it's about consistent change, it's about learning new skills and implementing them, it's about finding out what is important to you, and so on. In my opinions, a hail mary is basically that. But right now, you're in the middle of the first quarter. I feel like you cant see it at this point, because youre too emotionally invested. But you are just starting to recognize your patterns and the issues in your marriage. Youve been here for what, a month?

This meeting may help. My guess and experience suggests to me that she will tune him out if he is suggesting anything other than "you deserve to be happy. Find what makes you happy." But, Ive been surprised before.

I hope that before and after the meeting you are still working on the things I listed above!

[burned]

I hear you about managing expectations. I’m definitely trying to. I’m hopeful, but also realize that there is a pretty good chance she’s too far gone for anything to change her mind and feelings. I really don’t understand how or why and probably will never know or understand.

I guess here's an opportunity to be optimistic. Right now, she IS too far gone for anything to change her mind and feelings. But, what might change her mind and feelings, if anything, is time and space. Time enough to let the bad feelings wear off, time enough to realize that the good feelings weren't as permanent as she thought they would be. Space to allow the time to do its work.

There's no silver bullet.