Generally, when people ask urgent questions on here, it is a sign that they are not remotely detached and are spinning. [/quote]
You're correct, I was at work so I couldn't spend to much and type out the reason I asked this question. My WAW sent this while I was at work.
I almost felt like it was a good sign that she spoke about our R even if it wasn't pleasant news since she hadn't spoken about our R in such a long time. However, as I thought more about what she said to me I figure maybe it wasn't a good thing.
Here is what she said, could you guys please give me your opinions on her text and my response.
"Ok so like in all seriousness I'm leaving once S is done with school year. I don't have anything out here that will make me want to stay i need my family. And if it were up to me I'd leave the same day ex-husband (military is moving) is leaving just because he is my help with S at the moment like weekend wise. I can't stay here any longer than that. And that's for sure so all I am saying is once the the time comes we need to figure out what we are going to do with the situation and stuff. This is not the place for me I don't like it here. I just want to be with my family" WAW
Here was my response
"Being away form your family has to be so difficult. This town [censored]. You ended your 1st marriage here then you met some immature kid like me. You're so strong and you've put with so much. You deserve to be around your love ones."
Can you guys please tell me if my response validated her feelings. I started to read " Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" today. So I am trying to improve.
Thank you so much. Everything comes back full circle yesterday when I asked "urgent question" was because I felt that unfortunately leaving and giving her space is the only real solution.
=(
It makes me sad but I don't want to be the reason someone is miserable.
So after kind of going through the motions and semi DBing, but not really doing it correctly. I chose to move out last week. We talked about and I moved out on Saturday.
It was fast and didn't really take much time.
I still have a key to the apartment and will for a while help pay the bills.
I haven't spoken to her since Monday and I don't plan on speaking to her until, I let her know I have the rent money.
Sunday was the hardest day, I cried for a bit but Monday-Wednesday haven't been that difficult.
The next time I will see her fersure will be 11/26. We both have doctor appointments in Dallas and we agreed to go together.
I'm going to go back to 2014-2015 me.
Workout, read, and work.
I don't want to think about another female or even about my current relationship(dead as it is).
I just feel so much better being away from her and having to worry about what she is doing or who she is with.
All the hurtful things I said in the start of our relationship, I paid them back in full.
If she felt half as bad as I have recently, I know why she left me.
So, today is the start of the 3rd week that I've moved out. Since I've moved out I've seen her twice, literally two weeks ago because there was some stuff that I needed to get still and then on 10/27(two Saturdays ago) to drop off my half of rent since we had agreed to that.
If I am being honest the 1st time I saw her was still very fresh to me leaving so our attitudes were the same, the 2nd time I saw her we had a bit of time apart and the meeting was better but nothing great.
Personal update: I'm about to finish reading Man Are from Mars, Woman are from Venus. I have two books ready to be read as well "Without Saying A Word Master the Science of Body Language.." and "How to be a 3% Man" which I already have on audio book and have listened to a couple of times. I've also got off Adderall which I had been taking since 2016 and I realize that I had just been taking since I liked that it suppressed my appetite, but I've known for a while that I needed to get off for many reasons. One of which I felt like a fraud since I haven't had to go through the pains of dieting like a regular person but have had the benefits. I'm still studying for the GMAT and working out. I've been out plenty and as far as day to day goes some are easier than others. I don't go through her social media and I try to only check my own at night.
Q1: I haven't spoke to my DBing coach since I moved out. I called this morning to schedule my next appointment for this weekend. The question I'm wanting to ask him is if it's okay to contact her or just wait for her to contact me next? We're set to meet the Monday after Thanksgiving but I want to ask how her and my stepson are doing. Does anyone have any advice for me on this one?
I'll wrap it up by saying, I've enjoyed not arguing and I know for a fact that I can attract another great women in my life and take the lessons learned here with me. But I still would like to work this out if there is a possibility. I don't have a scarce mentality and I hate how insecure I came off to her towards the end. But I also hate how I drove such an awesome and loving girl away.
My advice is to leave her alone until the date you agreed to meet.
I encourage you to continue reading relationship type books. You need to learn how more about how women think/feel. And, if I may point out a couple of things, I think it will help you in future relationships.
Stop with the jokes and teasing, b/c they are not funny. They are painful to women. Never, EVER tease/joke about any part of her body. Even if she has a good sense of humor, don't tease and joke about her body, her family, etc. So many men have killed a good W's love by this type of carelessness...….and they call it "teasing and/or joking".
The same applies to children. Whether it is your child or your step-child, he looks to you for support, security, and protection. Build him up. Don't tear him down.
You are able to change for the better, by learning the skills to have a good relationship in the future.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My advice is to leave her alone until the date you agreed to meet.
I encourage you to continue reading relationship type books. You need to learn how more about how women think/feel. And, if I may point out a couple of things, I think it will help you in future relationships.
Stop with the jokes and teasing, b/c they are not funny. They are painful to women. Never, EVER tease/joke about any part of her body. Even if she has a good sense of humor, don't tease and joke about her body, her family, etc. So many men have killed a good W's love by this type of carelessness...….and they call it "teasing and/or joking".
The same applies to children. Whether it is your child or your step-child, he looks to you for support, security, and protection. Build him up. Don't tear him down.
You are able to change for the better, by learning the skills to have a good relationship in the future.
Sandi after speaking with db coach on Friday, I decided to text WAW today.
Not the interaction I was hoping for but if anyone would like to let me know if I handled it well, I would appreciate it.
Me: Hey W, how have you and S been?
WAW: Hey, we are good. Thanks for asking and yourself?
ME: I’m been doing fine. I would like to see him soon if that’s cool. It’s been too long.
WAW: Yea i dunno I’ll have to see.....
(I understand this is a nice way of saying no) so I replied
ME: Yeah. Maybe the day we go to the city he can come with us. That be cool.
WAW: He has school?
ME: I know it’s a Monday but I just thought maybe he could come.
WAW: I’m not taking him out of school for that
ME: Makes total sense. But dude you guys take care. Im here for anything and I’m Looking forward to seeing you guys one of these days
End of conversation since she hasn't replied in a couple of hours and I'll just text her probably in a couple weeks to set up the details of plans.
"Hi. How are you? I would like to take S out for the day soon. I have not seen him in a while. Is there a day in the next two weeks I can come by and pick him up?. Thanks"
