Can I say, "The events of the past year have sort of changed the scenario?" I don't want to guilt her, but I want it to be clear that she can't play the "We used to be good together" card because she did in fact betray me, let's not forget.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
You are not her father man. You are her H. She can’t play victim with that. Don’t get into her game. She is a spoiled child, well you are not her daddy.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Yup no fault. She can get up to 50%, less if I claim adultery. Her issue apparently is cash flow BEFORE the settlement.
So here is what I want to say: "W, I love you deeply. I don’t want to deprive you of anything. I’m just trying to protect myself. I can’t afford to pay for two households on my own salary. And unfortunately I can’t be objective about the support you provided when I was in school, in light of the events of the past year."
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Edit 2: and THEN she pulls out the big guns. I've heard this one before. "I supported you when you were in school, can't you be reasonable?"
This was when you guys were M. That isn't the case anymore. She is the one that wants out of the M. That choice comes with consequences. It's time she starts dealing with those consequences. Sounds to me like she hasn't "lost" anything due to her actions.
Moving back in and cutting off the constant flow of financial support does two things: 1) shows her you are someone she should respect (Yes, she will be pissed, but she will respect you) and that you are a stronger, more confident burned; and 2) she starts to feel the loss of financial security. What does she expect, you to support her after you actually D?
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Not sure if right now is the moment, but since we are discussing money...I could offer her the alternative (since I'm saying that I can't afford to pay for two separate households on my current salary) that I move back in to save me the cost of rent at the new place.
Edit: I won't have to support her after D. Her half of the net worth is 6 figures. Divide assets, clean break. No kids.
Last edited by burned; 11/16/1808:13 PM.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Yup no fault. She can get up to 50%, less if I claim adultery. Her issue apparently is cash flow BEFORE the settlement.
So here is what I want to say: "W, I love you deeply. I don’t want to deprive you of anything. NGS. Don't say that, she already knows how you feel about her I’m just trying to protect myself. I can’t afford to pay for two households on my own salary. And unfortunately I can’t be objective about the support you provided when I was in school, in light of the events of the past year."
Last edited by Wanted1; 11/16/1808:16 PM.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Not fertilize your lawn with bull$hit. Get L advice and move back in. Do not make any threats, least of all empty ones. Do not try to bargain with her, it will just show her that she can manipulate you, she just has to find a suitable leverage. Be a man of few words and more action. Talk is cheap. The time for talking is over. Do not trust her words, look at accompanying action.
