She knows...Part 6

[blakmac]

That [censored].

I know changes are good.

But it still [censored].

Because I can sit here and know that everything was fixable, hear her say "it was fixable", but because I wasn't the one to fix it, it's unfixable.

That makes no sense.

[SteveLW]

Yep. Then again sense and WWs are like oil and water.

[Phoenix9]

Yep. Then again sense and WWs are like oil and water.

Don't make a mistake like I have and throw a lit match into it. I have felt the burns from the splatter.

[AnotherStander]

BM, I completely agree with Steve. You've owned your part and you've made it clear to her that you've owned it. This is just more typical WAS history rewriting and guilt-assigning. Let it be water off a duck's back my man.

Which I honestly have tried to do all along...but maybe I just didn't do it the way she needed me to...I don't know.

Don't forget, WAS's present an endless series of moving targets. You hit one then three more pop up. Don't buy into it.

I need to figure that out. Fast.

No, SHE needs to figure out her crap. This isn't on you.

I need her in my life. Okay, NEED sounds whiny...but you guys and girls know what I mean.

You don't "need" her. You may "want" her, but you will survive just fine without her. She's just triggering those old fight-or-flight instincts and making you spin a little. That's fine but try to get back on track.

I really need to fix this while I have a shot.

You can't fix her. Only she can do that.

God this is difficult.

It's the hardest thing most of us will ever go through. At times it seems desperate and hopeless, like you will never love or even live again. But you will. Just take it a day at a time!

[blakmac]

Oh... Steve, it clicked...thank you...

W constantly blames me for my lack of drive to get things done (like dishes) as the thing that drove her away...she knows I have ADHD, she claims to understand how it works, but she STILL maintains that it's an excuse...yet since she's been away, I have been able to keep my apartment mostly clean (with the exception of toys...toys everywhere...)...yet she says that she still has moments where she can't clean and has hoarding tendencies...

SO yeah, I think you're right. This does sounds like she's still trying to blame/justify this stuff.

Dang. I was hoping she was getting past that part. Guess not.

It took me a little bit of reading and researching to make it click, but thank you.

[blakmac]

Tonight W brought S home. She saw that I had been crying before she got there. She wanted to get out of there asap.

S: "Mommy, why can't you stay?"

W: "Oh...um..."

M: "Mommy has plans, kiddo."

W: *launches into long story about how she has to go to work (not in uniform) and do a bunch of stuff, starts ranting about work, etc.*

After she leaves:

S: "It's not fair that mommy doesn't want to live with us!"

M: "I know kiddo, I understand."

------------------

This is @#$@^@^^&%$.

[blakmac]

I need to end this fight.

I think that in the morning I'm going to set up a crowdfunding page to try to get a retainer for an attorney, strike hard and fast. Because I know she's trying to save up for one.

I doubt it would work, but it's just about the only chance I have.

[neffer]

You need to keep on fighting man. For yourself and your S. Just keep working on DB. Try to detach, limit those R talks, you know that. Remember to believe nothing that they say...She keeps projecting her troubles onto you.

Ease your mind now. Patience. Marathon...remember that.

[Ginger1]

Slow down and breathe. One second you had to do anything to get her back, and in the next breat you need a crowdfunding page for a lawyer to end this fight. One end of the spectrum to another in 60 seconds flat,

First, don’t do a crowdfunding page to take care of YOUR divorce. Personal opinion, but those are for people who have lost everything and lives in tragedy or lost a child or has a horrible illness. If you really want a retainer go ask those friends of yours thT would donate to the crowdfunding page.
It would be extra wrong if after you got the money and in that second you decided you wanted to go nuts to save the marriage again!

Breathe. Just breathe. And for the love of god stop engaging with her! It throws you off kilter and absolutely nothing gets accomplished! And the other night, it sees as if you have these emotional arguments and discussion in front of S3 that he tried to push you together! Stop that immediately! Those kids are sponges!

Your best action right now? Go dark, stop having these hours and hours long convos that do nothing but upset you and S3 . Set some serious boundaries. Respond to nothing unless it has to do with S3

Seriously, you are spinning and it’s helping no one.i know you have the ADHD, and here it is coming out full force. Wanting to make a whole bunch of opposite actions, but achieving nothing .

Start here. You need to do absolutely nothing but go dark for now.

[SteveLW]

Ginger nailed it BM. You are reverting back to the days post BD. After months of doing so much right and well. Don't go back on your hard earned changes (one of Sandi's rules!).