1) S came home with scratches on his face yesterday from the pit bull that her roommates have.
2) W has been threatening to call CPS if I take S to the only sitter that I actually have access to.
3) W is saying now that she's going to take him out of daycare and put him in a different one (that's even more expensive) so that "he can be there when I need it and he can be with me the rest of the time.
4) W has admitted that she IS saving up for an attorney to try to either get out of the MSA or force me to let her out of it so she can take S back because "it's best for him" and "you aren't good enough to keep him".
5) Once again, she blamed my ADHD for the issues. She's trying to use any tactic she can to make me feel guilty. She demanded that I own up to my issues...again...and when I began to reiterate my part, she began cutting me off. She did this several times just screaming at me every time I started talking. When I got a second to ask her to let me finish she said "I have ADHD I can't help it". Then as soon as I would start talking, she would do it again. Another 5 times, and I'm starting to get flustered (this actually is a thing with ADHD people because she's forcing me NOT to get out any thoughts), I asked her "Please stop and let me say what you asked me to say..." she cut me off and screamed "I HAVE ADHD, HOW DARE YOU USE MY DISABILITY AGAINST ME." Basically just making fun of me. Yes, interrupting inadvertently is an ADHD effect, but she was doing it JUST to harass me, blatantly.
6) She DEMANDED after that that I say out loud "it's over". While I 100% recognize that it is, in fact, over in her mind, her doing all of those things and then demanding that I say it was literally just an attempt to have some kind of domineering power over me. So I took a deep breath, said "Look..." and she started the interrupting thing again. Over and over. When I said I was going to hang up, she started screaming at me and trying to force me to verbally say "it's over".
When this veered into clearly abusive territory, I figured that I need to move REALLY fast to lock in the MSA with a court order. DB or not, this isn't okay. So when I said I need to finish the fight, I meant specifically the custody battle, and get the D over with. I can DB the whole time, but I know that the longer I let this go on, the more she's going to attack me emotionally and try to use my medical issue against me.
The thing is, you are letting her abuse you! You need to walk away and stop engaging! You are letting her attack you emotionally. You see a text that doesn't pertain to S3, don't read it. DO NOT spend time together, do not let her in, hang up the phone on her when she becomes like this.
Quite putting yourself in this position. You have control over this. She can't use a tactic to make you feel guilty if you don't listen, cut her off, walk away!
You have full custody, don't you? So, don't let him go there if you feel it is unsafe with the pitbull. You have that power, exercise it. She can't just take him out of a daycare and put him in another if you don't agree and you contribute.
If you have full custody, she can't make these decisions without you. She is threatening you and you are taking the bait.
exercise the power you do have.
She's as abusive as much as you let her abuse you. Stop being a victim and do take some control.
We have an MSA, not a court order. It's enforceable, but it was set with no restrictions on visitation. The plan was get the MSA signed, get the final decree, then go to court. She blames me for "backing her into a corner" because she set up mediation two days before the court date, and she "didn't agree, but signed anyway" because she felt like she "had no other option without an attorney".
So I guess I'm going to have to enforce that. But that means visitation will probably have to be at my place, and she can't keep from attacking me. If I'm in a good mood, she says mean things. If I'm a bit down, she tries to get me to accept blame for her actions. If I'm standing my ground (silent or not), she starts doing childish stuff like interrupting to stress me out and shut me down.
That's why I can't afford to play around with her. She's trying to make me feel like it's my fault so that I'll give up.
This is actually a narcissistic personality disorder tactic.
I'm tired of hurting and being the target of her abuse. It's only hurting S in the long run, and even if she's not doing it now, she will do it to him in the future. And that isn't something I can live with allowing.
I am just about sure there are boundaries on visitation if there is danger in the home.
Everything she says is a bunch of "blah blah blah" You know her tactics, so you need to not get sucked into them.
let her take him out to dinner, on an outing, but if you feel that home is dangerous, he doesn't go there. And if you don't want her in your home, she doesn't go there. You have to show her you mean business. You are showing her weakness and she is going to pray on it. Strong boundaries shows strength.
