D has not had any progression in months. We haven’t had any court hearings...we have temp orders that neither of us are adhering to. Her attorney hasn’t been responsive to mine. I’m not pressing mine at the moment either.
Collaboratively we likely have $12k in legal fees accrued...and nothing.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
Had a decent day with S today putting up Christmas decorations. Had a nice day weather wise so was able to do outside lights and then decorate Christmas tree in the evening. Picked up new stockings that S picked out. Came to find that W had taken a lot of the decorations when she moved out.
Other GAL activities included a 6 mile run at gym, men’s group, and walking the dog while son rode his bike.
One item I found while getting Xmas decorations out was a journal that W had started writing in 10 years back. I couldnt help myself from reading her journal entries from 09 until 2013. There were only 20 entries during that frame as W would tend to pick something up but never stick with it....however some of them were reveling as to her mindset during that period in which I would have never of known. It’s crazy that I reflect back at those moments in time and didn’t realize how she truly felt. A common theme was she felt alone. And I feel horrible I wasn’t present enough to recognize it at the time.
I won’t beat myself up over it...as what’s done is done...but man was that a slap in the face as to see the roadmap in what has led to my current reality.
Last edited by EZdozit; 11/25/1807:24 AM.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
A common theme was she felt alone. And I feel horrible I wasn’t present enough to recognize it at the time.
I won’t beat myself up over it...as what’s done is done...but man was that a slap in the face as to see the roadmap in what has led to my current reality.
ALWAYS remind yourself that adults need to ask for what they want. It is immature/childish to "want" something to be granted without having to ask, it is almost part of the teenage/childlike definition of "love." Did she ever tell you she felt alone and you simply ignored her and went away?
They were entries in her personal journal...but no she never did convey those feelings to me during that time. I do feel like both my W and I were at fault in failing to outline our needs from each other like many folks on these boards. I believe a lot in that life was happening...work, school, raising our s, that took away our focus on each other.
One bit of positivity that came of finding journal was she had an entry on how she found my smile irresistible..as she challenged herself in finding more ways to bring the smile out in me. I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t have a lot to smile about the last 3 years..but it has definitely returned in a big way in the last month! I know she sees that as well.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
So today is my birthday. We had blizzard like conditions yesterday so S school got cancelled. I feel as if it was the best present I could get that I get to spend today with S. We have made forts with our blankets and bed sheets and have had a blast! We will continue to make this day special by doing things together out of the norm.
W sent me a happy birthday text exchange this morning which I didn’t expect to get. She also sent a FB friend request and I’ve recieved 4 HB wishes from some of her friends....which have been absent from my life the last 9 months. I won’t pretend to read the tea leaves....but I will continue to tread carefully and take things at face value as they seem to trend upwards.
On another front, I have garnered some interest from a women I was introduced to at church. She knows my situation from my friends as she also went through a similar situation with her H. We talked last night for a couple of hours...about any and everything. I don’t think I’m at a place to where I would have an interest in starting a relationship....but damn...I got the feels in which I haven’t had in years in talking with her....not since I first met W. I know and expect the 2x4’s to come for that...
I’m feeling at somewhat of a crossroads. I’m feeling as I’m starting down the path of being the LBS that won’t take WAS back....not yet 100%...but 98% there.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
Glad to hear you were able to connect with the woman at church. That probably feels amazing! But be a good, strong man and let her know that you won't do anything inappropriate while still married, and that you appreciate her friendship nonetheless.
Also, I'd respect your W's privacy and return her journal to her. She may not be comfortable with you reading it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
On another front, I have garnered some interest from a women I was introduced to at church. She knows my situation from my friends as she also went through a similar situation with her H. We talked last night for a couple of hours...about any and everything. I don’t think I’m at a place to where I would have an interest in starting a relationship....but damn...I got the feels in which I haven’t had in years in talking with her....not since I first met W. I know and expect the 2x4’s to come for that...
No 2x4's but just a reminder that you're a man that just came dragging out of a desert of inattention. You're so dry and parched that any sprinkle of water on your tongue seems like manna from Heaven, LOL! No harm in talking to a woman/ women, in fact I see it as a good thing because it reminds you that you DO have value even if not to your W, and there ARE more fish in the ocean and some will just jump right into your boat. All I will suggest is to try and maintain your perspective, keep your overall goals in mind.
Quote
I’m feeling at somewhat of a crossroads. I’m feeling as I’m starting down the path of being the LBS that won’t take WAS back....not yet 100%...but 98% there.
Here's the thing about that crossroads, one path you have no control over. The other you have complete control over. Right? But you don't have to choose which path anytime soon. It'll become more obvious with time, be patient
Ovrnn - Yes I will be true to my MR until the end...but have to say that I’m susceptible to getting myself into an EA at this juncture. Yes I will value the friendship, and I made my intentions with the women this evening. I guess I will navigate this very carefully.
AS - Appreciate the perspective. Totally right that it feels awesome to get the attention of an attractive female that sees my value for who I am. And this one would be totally outkicking my coverage. Lol. Patience is key and I’ll remain as such.
Journaling: Birthday turned out to be a memorable one. Having the snow day with S and doing activities out of the norm was awesome. After spending the morning making forts out of bedsheets and blankets, S and I ventured downtown in the afternoon to city union station where they had a dinosaur exhibit. We had the place to ourselves!! We totally geeked out on learning a ton of new things that I would have never known that have been discovered over last 10 years. S wants to be paleontologist when he grows up..lol.
After dinosaur exhibit, took S to W place and kept exchange very brief. W again was chatty and asked about S and my weekend activities. I kissed S goodbye and then said I had to run to get to my men’s fellowship group.
While in the car taking S to W’s place, I told him that I was going to treat myself to my favorite Italian restaurant to celebrate my birthday. For the last 11 years, it has been a tradition to eat my birthday meal at this place. S asked who I was going there with...and I cavalierly said Daddy is going to meet up with a friend...no other details provided. (I got it carry out). Well 20 minutes after I had left, I get a barrage of texts from W saying she forgot to mention she had a griddle she wanted to give me that she took when leaving....and asked when and how we could arrange for me to get it. Our normal schedule resumes tomorrow so FTF interactions will be limited. I didn’t reply as I was at my men’s group. After my men’s group, I went and picked up my dinner and went home. As I’m enjoying my dinner, I get 2 FaceTime calls for W...about an hour after S usual bedtime. I didn’t respond. I then get a text from W saying “Hi daddy!! Happy birthday. We love you! Moah” followed by a bunch of kiss emojis. I didn’t respond.
I may be guilty of modestly engineering this by telling S about my dinner plans knowing he would tell W...but it honestly feels pretty damn good to know I’m percolating her curiosity about my GAL activity!!
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
I may be guilty of modestly engineering this by telling S about my dinner plans knowing he would tell W...but it honestly feels pretty damn good to know I’m percolating her curiosity about my GAL activity!!
Be careful with this thinking. Your GAL activities should be for you to be busy and to be ready to move forward NO MATTER WHAT.
I've written to other posters that GAL activities that include always looking over your shoulder to see if she is noticing will backfire on you every time.
