I think 4 months is just a start for you. You have a great mindset....and you won’t disappear from STBXW life as you share kids. Just be the best version of yourself...great dad, etc.
My sitch is somewhat similar in that W doesn’t really have a good reason for D. I have the same character traits in that I was a devoted husband, father, and family man.
You will come out of this ahead IMO....you get the best version of you. While your W will have to be the a$$hole that broke up a family for self serving reasons. She may never acknowledge it to you...but she will know her truth.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
I had the best Thanksgiving I've had since before the girls were born. Normally, we'd spend half of the day at W's aunt's house. I like W's aunt and family, but most of W's family is pretty boring. People would sit around in little cliques, eat, and then take off. I have a fun family. The girls and I played ping pong, lots of games, and just had a great time. I know the girls probably enjoyed themselves more than they ever have at Thanksgiving. For the first time I truly thought life might be better without W (except for the part where I don't get to see my girls every day). I realized she just might be too overbearing for me. Just an awesome day. I'll always love W, but I know I'm going to have kick ass life without her.
Today was tough. The girls had another great day with my family. My oldest even said "don't tell Mom, but your family is much more fun than her family." However, tomorrow is the day we tell the girls. I was emotionally out of it all day. We went to see Wreck It Ralph 2. My oldest said it was a great movie but the ending was too sad because Venelope left Ralph. I teared up. When we were saying our prayers as I was tucking her in, she prayed that we'd all be together again soon. I had a little cry after I walked out of the room. Right now, I'm feeling bitterness towards my W for putting our girls through this. I will be honest with them. There's no way I'm going to relieve my W of the burden of choosing to D. (She wanted to tell the girls the D was mutual.) Tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life.
So sorry Harvey. Man...that rollercoaster ride. It S*CKS!!! My S10 told me yesterday that my H might come back. “You don’t know that he won’t mom. He’s just confused.” And today I get an email about mediating our separation. Yep...there was that bitter feeling again.
I really hope tomorrow goes better than you think but I know there is no way it can be a good day. Sending you lots of long distance (((HUGS))).
We went to see Wreck It Ralph 2. My oldest said it was a great movie but the ending was too sad because Venelope left Ralph. I teared up.
Grief is a funny beast. It hits you at the oddest moments - creating even the most tenuous of links. Before we had told the girls, we went to watch The Greatest Showman together. The girls sat between us. I cried from beginning to end. Silently wiping away the tears so the girls wouldn’t see. He saw though and looked away. I saw us in in the relationship between Hugh Jackman and his wife and in zac efron and Zendaya. We were everywhere in that bloody stupid musical. My own private pity party in the middle of the cinema. I watched it again last night, snuggled on the sofa with my girls. We sang along to the songs, we laughed when someone got the words wrong or sang out of tune. I had completely forgotten until just now the pain I went through that first time.
Originally Posted by Harvey
When we were saying our prayers as I was tucking her in, she prayed that we'd all be together again soon. I had a little cry after I walked out of the room.
They will keep doing this. Kids Dont want to rock the boat. They don’t want to upset you or your W. So, they tell someone else, or make an ofhand comment. Each time will hit you like a tonne of bricks.
Originally Posted by harvey
Right now, I'm feeling bitterness towards my W for putting our girls through this. I will be honest with them. There's no way I'm going to relieve my W of the burden of choosing to D. (She wanted to tell the girls the D was mutual.) Tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life.
Do not let her off the hook but also do not play the blame game in front of your kids. There are things they do not need to know right now. I let him say that it was because mummy and daddy fight too much and we both needed time apart. I wish I had had the foresight to say “Daddy is moving out because he is unhappy and needs time to work out why. What he and I both know is that we both love you very much and that will never change”.
Btw - we had discussed telling the kids but not when. I came home from work and went straight upstairs to shows and change. He followed me into the bathroom where I was naked and about to walk into the shower and said “I think we should tell them now”. At least you have some time to prepare.
I'm having a hard time deciding what to do about Facebook. I really don't want to follow W's life without me, but I do want us to co-parent well. I like some of her relatives and don't want to burn bridges with them. Some people I know have quit FB. Others have continued on as if nothing happened. Others have unfriended their spouse and their spouse's family. What have people here done? Part of me is leaning against quitting--because it's a way that I keep connected to family and friends. The bitter part of me wants the W to see that life is great without her, but that's the part that hasn't completely detached. Then again, the thought of completely ridding myself of FB is appealing--at least until the wounds have completely healed.
I am not on FB (I locked myself out about 10 years ago and can't get back in) but I think I would do as EZ suggested.
That way if, in a moment of weakness you wanted to stalk her or her relatives, you would need to go and look on her profile. Just performing that additional step may be just might give you pause to think, nah, I don't need to know.
My H is not on Facebook but I am friends with some of his family and friends. I changed my status to separated and just made a short blurb about it. I am not someone that normally posts anything personal but I hate feeling like I am lying to people and I also hate just telling one person at a time. It is painful every time. So I just want people who care to know and not have to discuss it individually with anyone. And now I won’t be on there until months from now when I am feeling up to it.
