DjV - the first few times the kids were away with H overnight were the hardest and the weekends oh so very very long. But it does get easier and strangely, I find myself looking forward to them. Initially I would always book GAL activities (I watched a lot of movies by myself :)) but now I just enjoy being in the house on my own. Unless he is taking them somewhere special (say an amusement park for the day) I don't even worry about what they are doing.
I think your H does put on a good front. Rainbows and unicorns I call it but there is definitely sadness there. I think for my H the sadness comes from the loneliness (and not necessarily from missing me). That he is missing me, is represented in the little burst of jealousy (which comes out as anger). Though this could be that he senses his cake eating is being threatened. Probably the latter actually.
We watched Harry Potter in the end and not nutcracker The girls were enthralled which was awesome to watch. Even D9, who was adamant before the movie that she did not want to watch it, and only did so because I bribed her with a toy next time we went to the toyshop was so excited about it that she couldn't wait to call daddy when we got in. I could hear both girls talking over each other and rushing to get their words out as they described it in their nightly call (always on speaker :)).
I honestly have no idea what the heck is going on.
Saturday, night he was angry at me for being late and making him cancel his plans. He then tells me I am 'selfish' and have 'a screw loose'. I walk away.
Sunday, we don't see him (I made sure we had plans so he couldn't just pop round). He texts to say he will be here at half seven in the morning (Monday) to take the girls to school. His car is at the end of the driveway when I go out at ten past seven (like he has been sitting there watching the house - or he could have just turned up).
He then offers to pick the girls up after school to save me rushing back from work. I came home and he was here. He said he was going to wait here and take the girls to netball training. It was a couple of hours before training so I offered him dinner as it would be rude not too (I was doing spaghetti Bolognese so there was more than enough).
We had some general awkward stunted conversation - netball, football etc. He then says "Why didn't you take your camera to the photography course" (darn, I forgot about the blasted camera) so I just replied "oh, I didn't need it - it was all phone based photograph". One direct question after another. I eventually got sick of the questioning and just said "Do you want to see the photos" and he just went "No, it's ok". Not sure what I would have done if he had said yes. He never came out and asked me if I was lying. Nor did he ask me how the course went.
I don't get it. I get he has doubts about whether I went on the course or not (I am a dreadful liar) but why try and catch me out? What's the point ...
PS - for those that haven't read the previous posts I said I was going on a photography course but actually went on a stop smoking course. I didn't tell him because I couldn't deal with the negativity ("you'll never do it", "waste of money").
He is still out with D12 at training and will bring her back after. He is back again tomorrow morning to pick the girls up before school and will pick them up after school (if he doesn't get called into work - he is on standby).
I will continue on my path ... but it is confusing as [censored]. It would be easier to detach if he was a total ar$e but he is not.
Not that confusing IMO. He suspects you are dating or exploring the idea of it and he doesn't like it. So he is around more, asks you pointed questions about where you were and what you are doing, watches the front of your place with his camera that he keeps turning on. Seems obvious to me anyway. Keep doing what you are doing FS. I think you are in a good place.
Apparently he has now paid a monthly subscription so that a months worth of activity gets sent to a cloud instead of being wiped out every day ... the bloody gall of that man. I will keep switching it off when I am on my own and then sitching it back on when I have the girls.
On the flip side I can now see every time he comes to the house without asking me first.
He even told me about someone coming up our driveway and then driving off at 4:30am a few nights ago. He thinks it was someone staking our the house. He even went round to the neighbours to warn them.
It does not feel like we are moving towards R. It feels like he is further away than ever
I know that feeling all to well. I had a big bowl full of it last night. Had so much of it that I came very close to throwing up. It s*cks. Had to send my H a text to let him know I would be home tonight so he didn't need to come over. Very business-like reply. Okay - thank you for the update. I have a feeling he is going to get more and more business-like as time goes on. He wants me to stop caring about him.
I'm not sure your H is in the same boat. He seems like the kind of person who would have a lot of pride and stubbornness when it comes to reconnecting so that may work against you. But...he is more concerned about your activities than he should be given the circumstances. Don't discount that so quickly.
Not that confusing IMO. He suspects you are dating or exploring the idea of it and he doesn't like it. So he is around more, asks you pointed questions about where you were and what you are doing, watches the front of your place with his camera that he keeps turning on. Seems obvious to me anyway. Keep doing what you are doing FS. I think you are in a good place.
Yes, I think this is spot-on. That doesn't mean he's not having a grand old time sleeping around himself FS, but of course he is going to hold you to a different standard.
He is definitely proud and stubborn. I am not sure if he can get past that even if he was having second thoughts.
Anyway, I continue on, head held high, one foot in front of the other. Where it leads time will tell. I don’t think I would have got this far with my dignity and sanity intact without this forum.
FS is this a security camera that he has? If he isn't in the home why does he have access still?
Also I wouldn't lie about the anti-smoking class. Just don't tell him about it, he doesn't want to be in the MR then its none of his business.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
I am in no way near detached ... but I make a good show of it. In the last few months I have been accused of the following:
1. Lacking empathy (when I mentioned to his mum I was considering going back to school to do a counselling degree) 2. Being selfish (for GAL'g) 3. Being emotionally detached from my children (again GAL'g)
It is only in my head (and here) where I obsess. It is difficult when I see him near every day.
GAL - I talked to a friend yesterday about her impending D. I managed to do this without hijacking the conversation with my own sitch. I am meeting her for lunch today. Other than that, work and kids. Work, whilst not really GAL'g, is a life saver for me. Throwing myself into it and seeing how appreciated reminds me there is something of value in me that he take away.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Yes, I think this is spot-on. That doesn't mean he's not having a grand old time sleeping around himself FS, but of course he is going to hold you to a different standard.
Strangely, I do not think he is sleeping around. I am the one who, before him, had multiple partners. I was the one who could sleep with someone and then carry on the next day as if nothing had happened. All in the past mind, but he still hated this about me and if anything, he finds it difficult to separate sex from any larger meaning. I would introduce him to a friend from my past and that look would cross his face --- has she slept with him and what does he mean to her.
I am not sure if he is still seeing OW, but I know that if he is, it would be playing absolute havoc with his mind. He does not want to commit, but he is also very very lonely. Which puts him in a difficult situation - and the guilt must be eating him up.
