You couldn't say it any better, No matter what MIL,SIL BIL or cousins any family they will side with there Family.
I didn't just lose W, we, me and kids lost everyone is like they wrote us off. No contact, nothing we where erased.
So I understand and truly felt what you wrote. And it is harder.
Thank you for your post needed to read this.
Happy Thanksgiving
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Question: Why is is that WASs believe nothing a LBS says, but the LBS eats up everything the WAS says with a spoon?
The answer really comes from the same basic human trait: we want to believe what we want to believe.
First the WAS believing nothing the LBS says. Why is this? Well it is rooted in the years leading up to BD. Remember, by BD, if initiated by the WAS, the idea of leaving the MR has been percolating in the WAS' head for usually about 2 years. After years of nagging, and complaining, and seeing no real lasting changes from the LBS, the WAS stops complaining. The LBS sees this as a positive! "He or she is finally happy with me!" In reality the WAS had given up and is planning their exit strategy. At this point, the WAS' mind is made up: they want out. Over the course of the next 2 years their decision is further cemented. They come to grips with the pain it has to cause, the upheaval it will cause the family, the logistics of it all, and just in general come not only to be resigned to the idea, but excited by it. Granted a lot of it is fantastical and not reality ("the kids will be better off!" "he/she can find someone more compatible, I am really doing them a favor!" etc), but is what they go through for a period of roughly 2 years until BAM! They drop the hammer and tell the LBS "It is over."
Now, at this point their decision is made. LBS starts saying things contrary to that decision. Most of which is "I will change!" The problem is that the time of them being open to changes is past. so they don't want to hear it. In fact, they don't want to hear ANYTHING that in anyway is contrary to their decision, no matter who it is from. I truly believe God himself could manifest before them and tell them what they are doing is wrong, and they wouldn't want to hear it! So yes, they believe NOTHING the LBS says because they don't want to hear what the LBS is laying down.
Now, the LBS is a completely different animal at this point. They are scared, desperate, and in survival mode. They want to cling to ANY little nugget of positivity that they possibly can. When the WAS says "ok, we can do MC" the LBS is over the moon! Never mind that the WAS probably doesn't mean it, and even if they do end up attending it is just to later say "yes we even tried MC". Even after hearing the reality like this, most LBS will still cling to it. "There is still hope because he/she said they'd attend MC!"
Humans love to hear what they want to hear. And to dismiss what though don't want to hear. This is why in most sitches the WAS isn't listening to anything the LBS says, and the LBS is clinging to every word the WAS says.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Had an odd thing occur this past weekend. W and I were watching TV (actually she may have dosed off in the recliner! The weather where we are was miserable this weekend, cold drizzle, very sleep-inducing).
A commercial for Jack Daniels came on. If you don't remember, I am a recovering alcoholic, nearly 25 years sober as of this coming February. Something triggered in me and I had the urge for a shot of Jack (Jack was my drink of choice back when I was a fall down drunk).
It was strange. I thought about confiding in my W but decided to come here for accountability first. Trust me, this was far from actually going through with procuring Jack Daniels and drinking it, but I haven't had the urge like that in a very longtime. Not even in the thick of my sitch.
As most of you know, I am staunchly anti-alcohol. It has been a very corrosive substance in the history of my family (extended not immediate). I couldn't believe how strong this urge was.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It may had surprised you but the simple act of telling us about it let yourself know the way you have handled it. That’s why you are who you are. Be proud of that bro!
Yuk, I’m tearing...
Shame on you man!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Good for you Steve. I can't imagine how hard that would be, especially with the barrage of advertising we are subject to.
Thanks Jim! Yeah. I remember two words in particular that made my mouth water watching the ad: charcoal mellowed. Amazing what marketing can do to entice us.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Next time you think "charcoal mellowed", go and grill some pork steaks or smoke some ribs. Let your mouth watering thoughts change to food. Food is all I think about anyways so this is easy for me!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Next time you think "charcoal mellowed", go and grill some venison. Let your mouth watering thoughts change to food. Food is all I think about anyways so this is easy for me!
FIFY!
I'm in!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
