Would she do a lot of kissing mouth to mouth? See, when a woman has sex with a man she is not feeling much attraction for, it's not unusual for her to try to avoid the passionate tongue kissing. She'll engage with the intercourse, but she doesn't want to have the deep kisses. But if she is wildly attracted to the man, she'll want a lot of passionate kisses. Some men don't know that, and they think b/c she's had intercourse or oral sex that everything is good with her. Ah, but he better check out those kisses.
Hopefully sandi reads this and comments on my particular sitch. This is the one thing that is still lacking in MR 2.0. Going back to the very infrequent times we would have sex prior to BD last year, I can honestly say that she was a) NOT into the sex at all and b) while she did kiss me passionately, it was very robotic and, how do I describe it, forced? Hesitant? Relunctant?
Since MR 2.0 and full R and piecing, she is much more into sex. The sex has been great. But while we were still in our sitch she initiated sex with a request of no kissing. And that has continued right through until now. I then read sandi's comments to RR17 and they hit me square in the face.
Last night I just brought it up. I've been much more direct with things in MR 2.0 and as I've let go of my NGS tendencies. She seems to think this is normal. That now that we are "older" that it just natural not to make-out like teenagers. However, it makes me wonder if she is just not "wildly attracted" to me.
I guess my question for the group, especially those in the same age range as us, is do you guys passionately, french kiss? Or is that something that has gone away as you've grown older.
I should mention that being the typical knot-headed guy, I tended to only kiss that right before, during, and after sex. So maybe that is her hangup? She equates it to when she would engage in sex with me when she didn't want to (pretty much 90% of our sex life leading up to BD last year).
I should also point out that every things else is on point in MR 2.0. It really has been great. We've done proper conflict resolution. We've been a great team. The affection (both sexual and non-sexual) in all other areas have been great. The only other "complaint" I've heard is that sometimes I drag phone conversations out too long, but for reference she has never been a big fan of talking on the phone.
Anyway, thoughts?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Kisses are an item. Sandi is right on the spot talking about it. It means connection with in the couple. Connection related to feelings right? So can we read presence/absence as a symptom of the state of relation? Or is part of the “get used to” and that’s all? Somewhere in the middle?
Sending kisses now
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Never too old for the kissing like that. We are at it like rabbits, kissing and all every night for the last three weeks or so....but remember my W has been drinking for 75% of the last few months. We are still not working on R directly but the sex is there and the kissing.
Not sure which of our sitches is more promising?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Kisses are an item. Sandi is right on the spot talking about it. It means connection with in the couple. Connection related to feelings right? So can we read presence/absence as a symptom of the state of relation? Or is part of the “get used to” and that’s all? Somewhere in the middle?
Sending kisses now
I am not sure I understand? Are you saying sandi is right and it is an issue I need to work on? Maybe when we start MC again after our old house sells? Or that in some cases it is ok?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Never too old for the kissing like that. We are at it like rabbits, kissing and all every night for the last three weeks or so....but remember my W has been drinking for 75% of the last few months. We are still not working on R directly but the sex is there and the kissing.
Not sure which of our sitches is more promising?
I think I will take the fact that everything else has been really good and we are firmly in MR2.0. However, the lack of kissing like this is an issue that should at least be explored.
I have mentioned it to two other female friends that are around our age, one is a few years younger. However, they both suggested that no longer were interested in that kind of thing with their husbands. Both are still very much into sex with their Hs. This is why I had let go of this until sandi's response to RR17.
In the big scheme of things this is a drop in the bucket.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Kisses are an item. Sandi is right on the spot talking about it. It means connection with in the couple. Connection related to feelings right? So can we read presence/absence as a symptom of the state of relation? Or is part of the “get used to” and that’s all? Somewhere in the middle?
Sending kisses now
I am not sure I understand? Are you saying sandi is right and it is an issue I need to work on? Maybe when we start MC again after our old house sells? Or that in some cases it is ok?
No Steve, I’m saying yes/no/somewhere in the middle
I say it is an item to check. An item to experiment. Nothing more than that. But it’s important.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Kisses are an item. Sandi is right on the spot talking about it. It means connection with in the couple. Connection related to feelings right? So can we read presence/absence as a symptom of the state of relation? Or is part of the “get used to” and that’s all? Somewhere in the middle?
Sending kisses now
I am not sure I understand? Are you saying sandi is right and it is an issue I need to work on? Maybe when we start MC again after our old house sells? Or that in some cases it is ok?
No Steve, I’m saying yes/no/somewhere in the middle
I say it is an item to check. An item to experiment. Nothing more than that. But it’s important.
Ah good point. I will definitely be bringing it up in MC when we restart. But I guess I can live without it. She is gorgeous, and I am just an ugly dude......so I get it!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
