[LH19]

L,

Unfortunately after following this board for four years you see the patterns and it becomes pretty predictable how it's going to play out.

The good news is that you are doing everything right on your end and not pursuing him and pushing further away.

Since we don't think he is in an active affair IMO you shouldn't try to push him out. Continue to double down on your GAL and let him be for now.

I truly believe in these sitches that men are more likely to change their minds then women.

[Living]

L,

Unfortunately after following this board for four years you see the patterns and it becomes pretty predictable how it's going to play out.

The good news is that you are doing everything right on your end and not pursuing him and pushing further away.

Since we don't think he is in an active affair IMO you shouldn't try to push him out. Continue to double down on your GAL and let him be for now.

I truly believe in these sitches that men are more likely to change their minds then women.

Thank you for your insight. This truly is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

My husband wants out of this marriage. He seems to be making that clear. While we continue to live he stays on a constant cycle of pursuing me. I cant deal with it anymore.

I think since he is positive he wants out he needs to go and live on his own and see what life without me will be like. I’m tired of the roller coaster ride.

[LH19]

Thank you for your insight. This truly is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

Absolutely! Me too, but I survived and am now thriving and so will you.

My husband wants out of this marriage. He seems to be making that clear. While we continue to live he stays on a constant cycle of pursuing me. I cant deal with it anymore.

That's how he feels today. Tomorrow who knows?

I think since he is positive he wants out he needs to go and live on his own and see what life without me will be like. I’m tired of the roller coaster ride.

Just so you know the roller coaster ride doesn't stop when he moves out. It stops when YOU decide you don't want to go for the ride anymore.

You are sooooo early in your sitch. This unfortunately takes infinite patience.

[Living]

Thank you for your insight. This truly is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

Absolutely! Me too, but I survived and am now thriving and so will you.

My husband wants out of this marriage. He seems to be making that clear. While we continue to live he stays on a constant cycle of pursuing me. I cant deal with it anymore.

That's how he feels today. Tomorrow who knows?

I think since he is positive he wants out he needs to go and live on his own and see what life without me will be like. I’m tired of the roller coaster ride.

Just so you know the roller coaster ride doesn't stop when he moves out. It stops when YOU decide you don't want to go for the ride anymore.

You are sooooo early in your sitch. This unfortunately takes infinite patience.

I’m afraid you’re right. He seems to change his mind like the weather. However, I’m exhausted. I’m ready to get off the ride and unfortunately he wants out of the marriage but wants to wait to move out when he feels we are financially able to support ourselves individually. So it looks like I’m stuck living with him for a while. So until he moves out the only thing I can do is continue to take care of myself. I just want him to leave me alone and stop pursuing me. It makes it a bit harder for me because I’m not the one who wants the divorce. As long as he leaves me alone it seems to be easier for me.

[LH19]

I’m ready to get off the ride and unfortunately he wants out of the marriage but wants to wait to move out when he feels we are financially able to support ourselves individually. So it looks like I’m stuck living with him for a while.

What does Living want? Nobody says he gets to call the shots.

I just want him to leave me alone and stop pursuing me. It makes it a bit harder for me because I’m not the one who wants the divorce. As long as he leaves me alone it seems to be easier for me.

Sounds like it is time for Living to start setting some boundaries.

[Living]

I’m ready to get off the ride and unfortunately he wants out of the marriage but wants to wait to move out when he feels we are financially able to support ourselves individually. So it looks like I’m stuck living with him for a while.

What does Living want? Nobody says he gets to call the shots.

I just want him to leave me alone and stop pursuing me. It makes it a bit harder for me because I’m not the one who wants the divorce. As long as he leaves me alone it seems to be easier for me.

Sounds like it is time for Living to start setting some boundaries.

Living wants the husband that she married. Living wants to remain married. But what I don’t want is to continue to be hurt and taken through the ringer. I can’t take it anymore. So maybe I can’t get what I want but I can get what is best. That may be a life where he isn’t there to hurt me anymore.

It’s crazy that it takes two to get married but only one person can decide to end the marriage. I’m ANGRY that my husband didn’t give working on our marriage a fair shot. I’m angry that he didn’t put forth the effort. I’m angry that he is walking away for reasons I don’t understand and reasons that don’t make sense to me. I know he’s entitled to his feelings but I feel like he’s taking the coward way out. He’s running rather than being willing to give it his all. I’m ANGRY!!!!!

[Living]

Yesterday H asked me if it would be easier for me if he moved all of his things in the other room (the one he’s sleeping in) and start sharing a bathroom with our son. I didn’t respond at all to the text.

Then when he got home from work i held the door for him while he carried the groceries in, he said thanks, I said you’re welcome. I was heading out anyway so I didn’t say anything else. I just hoped in the car and closed the garage. He then comes out of the garage and ask me “sooo is this how we are doing things now?” I asked him what he meant. He said “so you can’t say goodbye?”

Like Hugh what??? So I didn’t respond the way you thought I should and now you’re upset? I will admit that I’m angry with him. I’ve admitted that here in the forum. However, when he thanked me for opening the door for him I politely said you’re welcome. Bottom line I’m tired of his BS.

For the past year I’ve worked my ass off to try and save this marriage. I’ve bent over backwards for a man that betrayed me in the worst ways. I’ve given a man a second chance that couldn’t even have the courage to come tell me he was unhappy in our marriage. No but he was able to go put his heart out to the chick he cheated on me with last year. He told a total freaking stranger his feelings before he even told me...his freaking wife.

I’ve given my all to this marriage and I don’t deserve the way he has treated me. So yes LH 19 it’s not fair for him to call all the shots. I’m taking my power back. Guys I may not be doing things exactly the way I should but I’m taking my freaking power back.

So I get home and notice that he didn’t move his things in the other room. OK so I never answered your question. You could have still taken the initiative to move your things into the other room.

So as wrong as I may be and some of you may chastise me for this...this morning after he left for work, I moved all his clothes, shoes, and toiletries into the other room myself. You want a divorce? You want to be separated? Let’s start acting like it.

I’m done trying to save my marriage. I’ve been the only one trying to save it and all it has gotten me is hurt, lied to, lead on, confused, mistreated, and betrayed. I’m over it.

[burned]

I’m taking my power back. Guys I may not be doing things exactly the way I should but I’m taking my freaking power back.

So I get home and notice that he didn’t move his things in the other room. OK so I never answered your question. You could have still taken the initiative to move your things into the other room.

So as wrong as I may be and some of you may chastise me for this...this morning after he left for work, I moved all his clothes, shoes, and toiletries into the other room myself. You want a divorce? You want to be separated? Let’s start acting like it.

I’m done trying to save my marriage. I’ve been the only one trying to save it and all it has gotten me is hurt, lied to, lead on, confused, mistreated, and betrayed. I’m over it.

Hmm. I’m not too familiar with your sitch but this right here sounds OK to me. You get fed up and you start standing up for yourself, they take notice. You regain some of the respect you lost. Wonder what other people are thinking, but I don’t see this as a bad thing. Paradoxically it might move you in the direction of saving your M.

[Yail]

So I get home and notice that he didn’t move his things in the other room. OK so I never answered your question. You could have still taken the initiative to move your things into the other room.

Does this refer to the MBR? The other way to look at this inaction is that that space is YOURS now. He is viewing it as yours, and to enter without express permission would be crossing a line. Perhaps he's being passive aggressive, perhaps he was being lazy or trying to push your buttons. But from this moment forward, that space is your space and the room he is staying in is his space. I would vote that you don't enter either one without a polite request. Other areas are common areas, but I think you both need an area you can retreat to without fear of the other person entering.

[Living]

I’m taking my power back. Guys I may not be doing things exactly the way I should but I’m taking my freaking power back.

So I get home and notice that he didn’t move his things in the other room. OK so I never answered your question. You could have still taken the initiative to move your things into the other room.

So as wrong as I may be and some of you may chastise me for this...this morning after he left for work, I moved all his clothes, shoes, and toiletries into the other room myself. You want a divorce? You want to be separated? Let’s start acting like it.

I’m done trying to save my marriage. I’ve been the only one trying to save it and all it has gotten me is hurt, lied to, lead on, confused, mistreated, and betrayed. I’m over it.

Hmm. I’m not too familiar with your sitch but this right here sounds OK to me. You get fed up and you start standing up for yourself, they take notice. You regain some of the respect you lost. Wonder what other people are thinking, but I don’t see this as a bad thing. Paradoxically it might move you in the direction of saving your M.

Thank you Burned! I truly appreciate it. I don’t have a manual of how to handle this type of sitch as I’ve never been through it before. I just know I have bent over backwards trying to save my marriage. I have listened to my husband and tried to understand things as best as I can. But now I am fed up. I’m done trying to save my marriage. I’m not the one that broke it so I’m tired of being the one trying to fix it. My H no longer wants to be married. He no longer wants to be confined by a marriage. He wants the freedom to come and go as he pleases and to go find happiness. I’m not the one that wants out he is. So the ball is in his court.

As I stated he wants to be separated, he wants out of this marriage (his words), so I’m showing him the door. Time to start living authentic and be separated.