You and I are in a very similar sitch with respect to having a WAS. I missed the signs and there were MANY unfortunately. And he only lives ten minutes away but it might as well be in another state (or province since I am Canadian) as he is miles away from me emotionally. The rejection and the speed at which they run really is the HARDEST part to get over. It really knocks your feet right out from under you. Nothing you can do. All we can do is try to change ourselves for the better and try not to make the same mistakes the next time...if there is a next time.
As a man, I think your chances at finding love are better than mine. Sadly, there are far more women out there than men. And even though I look 40 and feel 40, my age will be 50 on any kind of a dating profile and that is a scary number for a lot of people. I had to laugh at my XH. He was lamenting to me last year that he had gone out with a woman and she was attractive and great but she was 52 years old. Huh?? My XH is 53...lol. The other thing I have to worry about, as a woman, is who I expose my children to. I am not naive. I know there are predators out there just looking for a vulnerable single mother with cute kids. My kids are beautiful, trusting and kind. I would have to think long and hard before I exposed them to anyone. My H was encouraging me to date the other day. I think that was more about making himself feel better than me. I am not like him. I cannot knowingly try to fill up an emptiness within myself with another person. I need to know and love myself first and be over my H before I even think about it. So, by that time, maybe I will be 52...lol. Anyway... I digress. Not sure what sent me down that path. The things we think about.
Your girls are lucky to have a dad like you. It is so important for girls to have good dads. A dad really is a girl’s first love. My dad was amazing. All I ever saw when he looked at me was unconditional love and pride. I still feel it to this day and he has been gone for 13 years. I wish my H had known him. I think we would be in a different place if he had. Ah... the what ifs of the world... there are so, so many. Time to focus on what is. Many (((HUGS))) to you and yours Harvey. Better days are coming.
Last edited by Cadet; 11/26/1801:53 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
I have the girls the week of 12/15. STBXW wants me to come down on 12/12 and all be together until she flies out on 12/15. From BD to last weekend she wanted nothing to do with FTF meetings. We hadn't been together as a family since mid-August. She said "we need to emphasize we will all still be family, that we can come together and hang out". I see through it. It's all self-serving. I posted before that D12 asked if we could still do things together as a family. W said "maybe"--while I teared up knowing that it was the last time we'd have dinner, see Christmas lights, play games, and watch TV as a family. W wants to do this now. I suspect until D12 is given enough time to accept the reality of the D. I want nothing to do with it. As much as I'd like to see my daughters those extra three days, it tears me up emotionally. (I was doing pretty well until this last weekend.) I'd like to tell her a lot of this, that we aren't a family anymore, that she ended our family, that we are two families with co-parents. I won't tell her, but I did tell her that I won't do this because it gives false hope to D12.
Why not? Why not telling her? Are you going to play family and keep the pain inside? Why not standing for yourself and getting some GAL only you and the girls? I was a wwH some time ago, and I really wanted to have the cake and eat it too. Just like your W.
Harvey, time to face reality, stand for yourself and show the girls how to fight adversity.
My thoughts are with you and the kids. Stay strong man. We are here, behind you. You are not alone.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Why not? Why not telling her? Are you going to play family and keep the pain inside? Why not standing for yourself and getting some GAL only you and the girls? I was a wwH some time ago, and I really wanted to have the cake and eat it too. Just like your W.
Harvey, time to face reality, stand for yourself and show the girls how to fight adversity.
My thoughts are with you and the kids. Stay strong man. We are here, behind you. You are not alone.
What exactly would you say? "We're not a family anymore. We are two families with parents who are co-parenting two beautiful girls." That's what I'd like to say, but I'd like to take the high road. I don't begrudge her for the divorce. She wasn't happy. Personally, I think she has some daddy issues, and I'm not the primary reason for her unhappiness. D12 told me that Mom hasn't been happy the last three months. She said she's been worse when I told her that Mom hasn't been happy in our marriage in awhile. I'd really like some advice on how to phrase it, without going too low.
BTW, I'm almost completely convinced that my W isn't WW. It almost hurts worse. She just doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She's sucking it up because it will help D12 get through this (and mainly because if she does get through this, it will alleviate her guilt). Knowing that, do I handle this differently? I'd like to find the right balance between sticking up for myself and taking the high road.
Harvey, I just recently went through this in my sitch and yes I told her exactly " We are not a family any more, there is your time with the kids and my time with the kids now". My WAW keeps referring to "us" and "we". There is no us and we anymore. I don't see this as taking the low road, this is reality given her decision. It is the definition of divorce, marriage is the coming together of two families and divorce is just the opposite.
