If it helps, I am now in the habit of logging out of FB every time. It keeps me from the idle scrolling when I find myself bored and doing it out of habit. That way I need to intentionally log-in every single time. But also, unfollowing is a great idea.
I'm having a hard time deciding what to do about Facebook. I really don't want to follow W's life without me, but I do want us to co-parent well. I like some of her relatives and don't want to burn bridges with them. Some people I know have quit FB. Others have continued on as if nothing happened. Others have unfriended their spouse and their spouse's family. What have people here done? Part of me is leaning against quitting--because it's a way that I keep connected to family and friends. The bitter part of me wants the W to see that life is great without her, but that's the part that hasn't completely detached. Then again, the thought of completely ridding myself of FB is appealing--at least until the wounds have completely healed.
I'm 32, and I got rid of FB 11 years ago. It's a time waster. In your sitch, it's a pain causer. I'm sure if your goal is "co-parenting well", you certainly can achieve that without FB.
Getting rid of FB, or at least deleting her and her family/friends, will help you forget about her and move on. If your W ever got curious, she'd find other ways to learn what you were up to.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Strangest day ever. W got into town around noon. We sat around as a family for the first time since August for a couple of hours. D12 says she's been waiting for us to be together again. Minutes later we tell the girls we are getting a D. D12 has a meltdown. D8 doesn't fully understand and acts like everything is fine. We got D12 settled down, went to dinner as a family, drove around as a family looking at Christmas lights, and then go home to watch TV together. D12 has several crying episodes during the day. Otherwise, the day was like a normal day for us as a family. While watching TV, D12 says that maybe we can all get together and do this after the D. Maybe we can continue to look at Christmas lights and other things families do together. W says "maybe" while I just kind of sit there quietly thinking that this is the last time we'll do these things together. The D will be final in nine days.
I handled the day splendidly in my mind. I know I caused doubt to creep into W's mind. I listened. I charmed. I remained calm, cool, and collected. However, like FS has said there's too much momentum to stop the D and one day of actual FTF time isn't going to stop that. I'll be alright without her, but it just feels so unnecessary. I am a better version of myself.
So sorry Harvey. I am not looking forward to that conversation with my children. They are still hopeful their “confused” dad comes back home. I have little hope in that regard. He is steadfast in his decision and seems even more so whenever I see him. I am with you. It all feels so unnecessary.
Oh Harvey, I am so sorry. That was heartbreaking to read. It seemed that you both handled it as well as you could. When we told the girls H was MO we all sat in D9's room holding each other. D12 asked "how long" repeatedly and H said "I don't know?". D9 didn't say anything. Just cried. H took D12 up to her room to get ready for bed and D9 looked at me and said "how long?". I never want to see my children in that pain again. I know H doesn't want to put them through that again. It was the hardest night of both of our lives. He cried for days (I saw it in his eyes).
A few months later and I was doing the school run. That morning the universe seemed to be against us, missing shoes, traffic, everything. We dropped D9 off and I was taking D12 round to her school. She said something (I can't even remember what it was) and I screamed "Daddy has left and I am doing the best I can". Before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. She looked straight ahead and pretended not to see. It was wrong to put that on a 12 year old.
My children have never mentioned it again. They never talk of him other than to ask when they are going to see him. We have tried to make it seem normal for them. And now, apart from the random comment, sleeping in our beds again, and D12's tummy aches, it is normal for them.
Keep an eye out. They will not tell you they are hurting but they will be. Keep them busy, give them lots of hugs and reassurances. It will hurt like hell when you try and get them excited about being with mummy, or when you ask they how their day was after they come home from seeing her, but it is the right thing to do.
D12 continued to have a tough time today. She cried much of the morning. I made the girls bacon and eggs for breakfast. W had one strip of bacon. We watched church online, played games, and then they all flew back to their current home, out of state. W was bit more cold and distant today. Not sure if that was because of how normal yesterday was and she was emotionally pulling back, but I guess it doesn't matter. We'll be officially divorced in eight days.
The weekend was strangely normal--which probably made it worse for D12 and I. We got a glimpse of how life could be if W wasn't so set on D. As Keith Urban would say, tonight I just wanna cry. I did go against DB'ing one time this weekend. As they left, I held W's hand (she let me) and I told her that this is the last time we'll see each other as a married couple. I didn't do it to get her back. That train has left the station. I just did it because it meant something to me.
Harvey... so sorry about all of this. Feel sad...you have a right to your feelings. I wish there was something I could write to help take the pain away but I don’t think there is. It will get better, of this I am sure. Just not right away. Hang in there. Better days are yet to come. (((HUGS)))
Thanks for the support, DejaVu6! I'm content with the fact that I did all I could to save my marriage in the short amount of time I had. The rejection is hard to take, but more than anything it's hard to make sense of it all. Obviously, I have regrets, but it's hard to accept that my W gave up a good guy, good father, strong provider, faithful husband. I do feel like she will regret her decision... that I am a man that only a fool would leave. I'm secure in the belief that the next woman will be astonished that somebody gave up on me.
I'm lucky that I'm able to live in my own skin, so to speak. It's tough, but I know I will pull through. Life is about living for me and the girls now.
