Everything changes or comes to an end. Maybe your turn lasts till one of you die, maybe its lasts until one of you get off the ride (i.e. D). Its more important to cherish what you had, and cherish what you have while you have it.
Melancholy.
And I'm the 2 year old throwing a fit because the ride ended and it didn't last long enough.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
It does explain things well I agree. But what if the 'normal' old self isn't what they want (otherwise they wouldn't have gone looking elsewhere?)
I think what I mean by normal is when I can act with them in the same way as I act with anyone else. Where I am not constantly double thinking and triple thinking every word before it comes out of my mouth, wondering if it will come across as cold or pursuit. When interactions take no thought at all.
That makes sense FS and something for us to strive for. I still have voices in my head of what I want to say to him (it's not nice either) but I don't say it (mostly because we don't have any contact for weeks on end) When those voices have gone, I guess it will mean I'm in a healthier place. I do feel like I've got unfinished business though (perhaps because I always had to have the last word) but hopefully this will pass.
Re: AS's post to Wanted1 about WWs "softening their position" after BD. For reasons I won't get into, I discovered a major 180 that I would need to do (related to being a complete slob at home) in order to R with W. The question is, if they soften up, are there issues that are just dealbreakers? Or does it just FEEL that way right now? It's back to the same LBH question about, "If I spend 2 years making dramatic changes, but they never interact with me, how will they know?" I mean, my apartment could be spotless, she would see that FINALLY after 10 years of nagging I finally got my act together. But that would still reinforce her view that the fact that I didn't get my act together while WE were together means that I didn't respect her enough.
I know we've talked about this before but it's fresh in my mind today and I'm wondering if anyone can maybe say something reassuring in that regard. The most basic answer will be: do the 180s anyway, for me rather than for her. But I am curious what the dealbreakers are or have been, and whether the WW eventually does see through them back to the person she used to love despite them. If that makes any sense.
And note that the main impetus for this particular 180 isn't to "win her back" but to protect myself from getting dumped, over and over, because I'm a slob who is difficult to live with and expects others to clean up after him.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Here is a question for you. Do you look deep into your 180s? Why you do them, why they needed to be done? On the surface you 180 because you are a slob and its unattractive. On the deeper level you 180 because you need to man up because a woman wants to be your partner not your Mom.
I think it's not whether she knows, but its whether you know what needs to be done and just doing it.
Last edited by Twofeet; 11/28/1802:31 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
you do the 180s for you, and not for anyone else. Because if you start doing it for anyone else, you will be constantly looking over your shoulder and gnawing in dissapointment when you do not see anyone looking at that exact moment. You have to get your mojo back. You really think your W left because you were being a slob? No! It might play a miniscule part in it, but a very small part indeed.
180s are about getin your mojo back, getting your confidence back, loving yourself and your life. It is then and only then you will be attracting quality people in your life. Broken attracts broken...
you do the 180s for you, and not for anyone else. Because if you start doing it for anyone else, you will be constantly looking over your shoulder and gnawing in dissapointment when you do not see anyone looking at that exact moment. You have to get your mojo back. You really think your W left because you were being a slob? No! It might play a miniscule part in it, but a very small part indeed.
180s are about getin your mojo back, getting your confidence back, loving yourself and your life. It is then and only then you will be attracting quality people in your life. Broken attracts broken...
THIS * INFINITY * INFINITY
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You really think your W left because you were being a slob? No! It might play a miniscule part in it, but a very small part indeed.
I guess that's what I was getting at. I'm definitely doing the 180 for me because I'm just tired of feeling bad about myself for being messy. My ENTIRE life people have made me feel bad about my messiness. "Absent-minded professor" doesn't give you a free pass, ESPECIALLY not at home where you're supposed to be the H, not the "professor."
But I don't know about minuscule. I think it was a major thing. At least she made it sound that way, and not just after BD. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now except the 180.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I always heard that quirks that people found cute about their SO while dating, become points of contention after marrying.
I think it is amplified after BD. Things that were mild annoyances prior to BD are now too huge to get over post BD. It goes along with the "rewriting history" that WASs engage it.
I agree with Vapo. Your W was annoyed by it, but unless you are hoarding garbage in the common areas of the house, I cannot imagine it is a real reason for the failure of your MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
