What I need to hear him say is that he’s committed to working on our marriage together. That is what I haven’t heard. I refuse to do all the work.
I believe you are putting too much value on his words. His actions should precede his words.
I still believe your best option is to work on seducing him back. He has noticed your changes.
The question is, are the changes drawing him closer or pushing him away?
What else can you change in your behaviors, interactions, etc that show him you don't need him, but you want him to commit only to you?
Can you flirt with him? Or better yet can you tease him? Show him what he will miss out on if he doesn't commit?
Like I said earlier, you should have fun with this. Stir up his desire for you. Do things he would not expect from you.
Remember that you are the prize. You want him chasing you.
Ready2Change he has definitely noticed my changes, I can tell.
I have been walking around looking real good. I’ve also been looking hot when I leave the house to GAL. He’s always curious and wants to know where I’m going. I just say out. I couldn’t come up with a better answer, lol.
As far as seducing him further, stirring up his desire for me, and doing things he wouldn’t expect, can you give examples. Like am I supposed to do some sexual stuff? Please don’t laugh at me for asking. I’m a little confused. I have flirted with him some and he is definitely chasing me even more.
So here’s the thing, he definitely is chasing me and pursuing me. So how do I seduce him to make him see I’m the prize and he should only commit to me? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
What else can you change in your behaviors, interactions, etc that show him you don't need him, but you want him to commit only to you?
Can you flirt with him? Or better yet can you tease him? Show him what he will miss out on if he doesn't commit?
Like I said earlier, you should have fun with this. Stir up his desire for you. Do things he would not expect from you.
Remember that you are the prize. You want him chasing you.
Aren't these pursuing behaviors? How does one seduce without being the pursuer? Maybe it's just looking good, smelling good, and being mysterious without saying or doing anything. But that's what Living seems to be doing. My H was over for Thanksgiving yesterday. I made sure I was in full make-up, had a cute outfit on, and had perfume on. I walked by H and he said wow, you smell good! Maybe that's what you are talking about?
I think you're kinds in a tough spot here. I don't think he is actively going to pursue a divorce but I don't think he is going to commit to the marriage either. I think he has no problem living and keeping you in limbo. If something better comes along he can say I told you I wasn't happy.
I lived in limbo for 2 years and it is not a pleasant experience.
It's up to you to decide when you've had enough.
You're early in the process so just keep doing what you're doing just don't expect changes anytime soon.
What else can you change in your behaviors, interactions, etc that show him you don't need him, but you want him to commit only to you?
Can you flirt with him? Or better yet can you tease him? Show him what he will miss out on if he doesn't commit?
Like I said earlier, you should have fun with this. Stir up his desire for you. Do things he would not expect from you.
Remember that you are the prize. You want him chasing you.
Aren't these pursuing behaviors? How does one seduce without being the pursuer? Maybe it's just looking good, smelling good, and being mysterious without saying or doing anything. But that's what Living seems to be doing. My H was over for Thanksgiving yesterday. I made sure I was in full make-up, had a cute outfit on, and had perfume on. I walked by H and he said wow, you smell good! Maybe that's what you are talking about?
Yes Grace21 I’m a little confused. He has acknowledged that in his words...I have been looking damn good and that I am absolutely beautiful. He’s told me I look good everyday for the past maybe couple of weeks. He is pursuing me like crazy. Yesterday he kissed me on my neck and whispered in my ear that he really does love me. Last night he came in my room and he thanked me for allowing him to participate in Thanksgiving with me and the kids. He said he really enjoyed the day and didn’t know where he would be without us. He acknowledged how difficult it must have been for me and he said he’s sorry for making things difficult. That’s when he kissed me on my neck and said that he really loved me. He then left the room and went to sleep in our spare room (which is where he’s been sleeping for the last few weeks).
So I’m at a loss of what to do next. I’ve been GAL and I intend on continuing that. I’ve stepped up my appearance game. I’m not telling him that I love him. I’ve detached lovingly. I know he notices all this, I can tell by his behavior. Each day he initiated conversations with me and I listen and respond to what I feel deserves a response. We are actually getting along very well when it comes to the regular day-to-day things.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
So I’m at a loss of what to do next. I’ve been GAL and I intend on continuing that. I’ve stepped up my appearance game. I’m not telling him that I love him. I’ve detached lovingly. I know he notices all this, I can tell by his behavior. Each day he initiated conversations with me and I listen and respond to what I feel deserves a response. We are actually getting along very well when it comes to the regular day-to-day things.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you Living, because to me as a newbie it seems you're doing everything right. But the response just seems so...neutral? Neutral is a hard thing to respond to! I think you're doing well. The only piece I'd be curious on is if folks think you should put a stop (a kind stop) to things like him kissing you. Draw the line firmer? I don't know.
So I’m at a loss of what to do next. I’ve been GAL and I intend on continuing that. I’ve stepped up my appearance game. I’m not telling him that I love him. I’ve detached lovingly. I know he notices all this, I can tell by his behavior. Each day he initiated conversations with me and I listen and respond to what I feel deserves a response. We are actually getting along very well when it comes to the regular day-to-day things.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you Living, because to me as a newbie it seems you're doing everything right. But the response just seems so...neutral? Neutral is a hard thing to respond to! I think you're doing well. The only piece I'd be curious on is if folks think you should put a stop (a kind stop) to things like him kissing you. Draw the line firmer? I don't know.
Thanks Yail, I appreciate it. I guess I must just continue with the motions. One positive that I can say is that I’m glad I’m improving myself. It has been such a good feeling. Im also glad I’m getting out and living life without sitting around waiting on him. However, based on some of the threads on this site (I hope no one takes offense to that statement, I mean no I’ll will) I didn’t expect to get these sort of reactions out of him so soon.
I didn’t expect to hear him start to tell me he loves me daily and to hear him say he misses being in love with me. I feel like day by day he’s starting to open up more and more. But I’m hearing here that o should take his words at face value and I can understand that.
So I’m at a loss of what to do next. I guess just be patient. Shrugs shoulders.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
So I’m at a loss of what to do next. I’ve been GAL and I intend on continuing that. I’ve stepped up my appearance game. I’m not telling him that I love him. I’ve detached lovingly. I know he notices all this, I can tell by his behavior. Each day he initiated conversations with me and I listen and respond to what I feel deserves a response. We are actually getting along very well when it comes to the regular day-to-day things.
Wait and see. That's what the book says anyways.
Your spouse needs more time and space still. So you keep on making your life better, hoping for the best but not counting on it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
[quote=Ready2Change]I have been walking around looking real good. I’ve also been looking hot when I leave the house to GAL. He’s always curious and wants to know where I’m going. I just say out. I couldn’t come up with a better answer, lol.
This is the best answer. Let his mind wander. You are speaking the truth. Never lie.
Quote
As far as seducing him further, stirring up his desire for me, and doing things he wouldn’t expect, can you give examples. Like am I supposed to do some sexual stuff? Please don’t laugh at me for asking. I’m a little confused. I have flirted with him some and he is definitely chasing me even more.
"The art of seduction" was one of the biggest books that I read. Almost everything in there is counter intuitive ways to attract.
As for an example, build sexual tension between yourself and H. This does not mean have sex. This means show him you are sexual, but are not ready to be intimate with him. He has work to do.
Quote
So here’s the thing, he definitely is chasing me and pursuing me. So how do I seduce him to make him see I’m the prize and he should only commit to me? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Keep working on your own happiness. You do not need him to be happy. Show him how happy you are just being you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I’m afraid that many of you were right. My H is definitely not ready to commit to this marriage or anything for that matter. He made a point to tell me the other day that he still wants out of this marriage. He’s unhappy. So yesterday I asked him what happiness would look like to him. My therapist suggested that I ask him this and just listen. He said happiness would look like:
*he would do things he enjoys *he would go fishing *he would go hunting *he would take a long ride to another state on a whim *he would join a bowling league *he would take the kids camping (but then he said he missed that opportunity because they are now older) *he would build something
To him that is what happiness would look like.
He then apologizes again to me for taking me through all this.
*he’s sorry that he cheated on me, I didn’t deserve that *he’s sorry he’s hurting me and the kids *he wouldn’t have married me if he didn’t think it would work *he doesn’t deserve me *he appreciates me giving him a second chance after the divorce but it was a second chance he didn’t deserve
He then starts to reflect on the beginning of our relationship and he says to me “when I met you I didn’t have anything” I had nothing”. When he says this he’s referring to financially. He then asked me why the hell did I even want him? He asked me what made me want someone who didn’t have anything.
I told him because I saw a good person, we talked a lot, had great chemistry, and I felt we had something we could build upon. I told him when I met him I saw him as a person not a pocket book.
So here I am my friends.
I asked him when he thinks he can move out. He said June and then maybe in a year. I told him that wouldn’t be possible, I need him to move out as soon as possible. He put his head down and said OK.
I love my husband with every fiber of my being but I’m tired. I’m devastated that my marriage is ending. However, I’m tired. I can not continue to ride this roller coaster. I wish I could make him see that he may be making a mistake. But maybe he isn’t making a mistake. Maybe he will be much happier when this marriage is over and he’s free.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
