Anger means......you are still overly attached. So start that, working on detachment.
So many thoughts going into my mind. So much I want to say. I have proof of her bullshit. Her lies. Her gaslighting. I want to show it all to her. I want to kick her out. I want to make her feel more consequences for her awful actions. I want it to hurt more.
Sorry I am not familiar with the whole IUD thing. So she is pregnant or not? If the IUD malfunctions it causes back pain? When was the last time you two engaged in sex? I am just trying to understand what's going on here.
Last edited by Twofeet; 11/27/1804:53 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
We haven’t had sex since January. She had the IUD put in May. She is not pregnant. They checked twice. I have heard stories of pain being caused by improper placement of movement. It’s possible that something may have shifted within the last two or three days.
What do I do? My mind is spinning. I want to confront her with this and justify kicking her out. She has an STD, she has what is likely a considerable hospital bill. I’ve been assisting with her WW behavior for nearly a year now. The disrespect has to end.
IDGAF about MR right now. I don’t. She is going to have to work her ass off to get a chance with me.
D4 and I went to Leavenworth, WA. It was spectacular. I’d love to go one more time before Xmas.
Also from a previous post you mentioned visiting a Bavarian themed town. You still live in the PNW right? If so that town in the winter and the xmas lights are supposed to be awesome.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Pain if you are in the PNW and specifically WA they are community property state and pretty pro 50/50 custody if I remember right. I am not advocating D, but other than D what can you do to boot her out of the house? Her behavior is utterly disgusting and I totally sympathize with you. Now that I realize where your general location is it makes a little more sense that your counselor is a whack a doo, I have met quite a few interesting folks from the wetside.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Pain, Try and stop the spinning in your mind and use these thoughts to detach, maybe right things down in a list, you don't need to confront her with these things you need to confront yourself with them. Take a good hard look at what she has/is doing, not from a place of blame and anger but from a place of understanding. After looking at what has been coming your way really think, do I deserve this? Do I want someone that would treat me this way around me right now? I think you already know the answers to these questions and it is now just time to quietly let her go and figure it out for herself.
When I look at my W now all I see is a sad lost little girl going through hell herself. Every time she does something stupid that gets on my nerves I think about this and it helps me not react.
I know. I bounce back and forth about what I want to do. Right now. I want to dump her ass. But I am also emotional (rage). One of the primary rules of this process is not to make any decisions based on emotions. I know what I can lost. I also know that W wants no-contest if we go that route. We had a convo on this about a month ago when we were figuring over D4 seeing OM.
Ryan,
I know I’m not detached yet. If you look through the Quotes page you’ll find the DB process timeline. For the longest time, I thought I was in step 5-7 when in reality I was clearly in steps 2-4. It wasn’t until I saw her emails and telling her she was a cheater when when I started to let go. I don’t want to help her. She has to help her. I just need to continue the detaching process, like the account separation. I see her lost, but I also see someone who decided long ago to go down this path and she is starting to get punished for it. I also see someone who is extremely selfish, a liar, a manipulator, and a two-faced cheater. She planned this. She made me feel awful for my mistakes and put me through something she KNEW was going to cause me pain. It took me 30+ YEARS to forgive my parents for the crap they pulled. But they still loved me.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about this. I just know I need to calm down first.
pain, I am going to get a little graphic here but play along.
What if I told you that your W had been part of a 100 man gang-bang session? How would you react to that? It would be shocking and completely unexpected right? It would cause you spin and make you wonder who she was.
Since BD your W has SHOWN you exactly who she is. Is the IUD really such a major revelation that it is completely out of the norm of what you would expect from her right now? I'd argue that it is not. The 100 man gang-bang? THAT would be shocking and out of the norm.
My point is that I do not understand why LBSs are so blindsided by things that they already knew their WAS/WS was capable of. I take that back, it is what sandi refers to as holding onto the image you have of the person you married, and not facing the reality of the person they've become.
This is who she has been for months now. Why does it shock you? Because you haven't faced the reality of who she has become.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Pain, I hear you, I am am in a similar boat. I to have a selfish, lying, manipulating, maybe cheating W in front of me. I also struggle with all of these feelings daily. You can't ignore their actions but try and use them in a positive light for yourself. None of us on here deserve to be treated this way, we all deserve the type of relationship we want, sure we made some mistakes along the way, I find myself wondering often if the one big mistake I did make was hanging onto an unhealthy relationship for too long. Either way I look at it, with W or without I know the kind of relationship and love I deserve and how I deserve to be treated despite my flaws and that is what I am going after.
One thing I recognized very early on after joining here is how similar all of our WAS's are. We can all clearly see what is really going on but they seem to have no clue. One thing I am really starting to realize quite quickly is that as the LBS I have the upper hand and i think we all do, we clearly see the issues with the relationship, with ourselves, we are striving to fix what we can, we are striving to grow, our WAS's not so much from what I can tell. In the end we LBS's will be much better off in our lives as a whole regardless of the outcome of our sitch's. I sleep soundly at night knowing that either way I will be better off as an individual in the end.
