Don't offer her the pickup or any help. That sh#t is on her. If you really feel that she has a right to use the pickup, I suppose you can let her use if she asks, but definitely don't offer.
I'm confused, she wants to move out of the house while your children are asleep in it? How the h#ll would that work?
Listen to the advice above and get out of the house that day. You don't want to be around. Go GAL or take the kids out somewhere fun.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Ya, I won't be around and good point on not offering. I suppose if she asks, I can't really say no based on the reasons I've explained.
I don't even really care what she takes to be honest. I can replace whatever she wants to take. Kitchen stuff, decorations, furniture, TVs, etc. Almost want her to take more of that so I can replace it with stuff of my own that I pick out.
I find it odd that she wants to move out during the holiday season....You would think she would just continue to do what we've been doing for a 3-4 more weeks until after Christmas passes but I guess there really isn't any "good" time to do such a thing. It's probably the selfish WW mentality part of it though.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
It does feel like the final nail in the coffin. But, I've read sitches on here where there is R even after the WW moves out. I'm not expecting it, however. Usually when my W makes a decision it's pretty final. She's too stubborn and determined to be "right" and can't admit she's wrong. There will be no more pressure from me. I'll be going dark on her with anything unrelated to the kids. I'm going to focus on GAL for me (have quite a few things already lined up for the next couple months) and being the best father imaginable for my kids. I started tearing up just a few min ago and the thought of having the conversation with them and basically destroying any sense of family they've ever had. There is a physical pain associated with thinking about that. I'm not sure how my W wants to have that conversation but I will not lie to them if she wants to try to portray this as a joint decision. I will let them know that Dad did everything he could and this isn't something that I want but we need to let Mom figure out what she needs to be happy.
I've prayed so hard for things to work out. I went to daily mass today and prayed that Retrouvaille would somehow help us. Ironically, it wasn't a half hour after mass that I got that text from W. Maybe these prayers going unanswered and seemingly the opposite happen right afterwards is a sign that this just isn't God's plan for me. That then reminded me of Garth Brooks' song "Unanswered Prayers." Maybe that's what is going on here......
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Personal choice. My ex didn't ask, I didn't offer. She moved while I was out of town with the kids.
I believe AS helped and I know J9 helped.
Just know either way it changes nothing.
I sort of helped, but it was part of our informal agreement on splitting stuff up. In lieu of her taking half the furniture I agreed to buy furniture for her at Ikea and set it up at her new place. The idea of coming home to a half empty house gave me a lot of anxiety so this was really more about me wanting to keep my "home base" surroundings unchanged, I felt like I was going through enough change as it was! The stuff that she did take I just put in the garage and we arranged for her to pick it all up while I was at work one day.
By the way, don't be surprised if she doesn't follow through and move out. Seen it before.
I would be surprised and I'm not holding out hope she doesn't. I'm done with expectations. If that does happen, I'd rather it be a surprise than be holding out hope she doesn't only to be disappointed all over again when she actually does.
I get what you are saying though.....I think the best way for me to process all of this is to drop any and all expectations that something good will happen and be completely resigned to the fact that at this time next year (and probably much sooner), I will be legally D.
If not, I would rather it be a pleasant surprise if it were to happen!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Sadly Wanted... I think that is where all of us have to get to in the end. Acceptance and renewal... of ourselves mostly. I, too, fully expect to be D by this time next year. A pleasant surprise would be great... and those will come. They just may not be what we think. Have faith, look ahead, KNOW that you will emerge from this a much better person and look forward to the wonderful unexpected things to come. It is hard to imagine at this juncture. I KNOW this all too well. Like you, I have been struggling but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and each day it gets just a little bit brighter. (((HUGS)))
Sadly Wanted... I think that is where all of us have to get to in the end. Acceptance and renewal... of ourselves mostly. I, too, fully expect to be D by this time next year. A pleasant surprise would be great... and those will come. They just may not be what we think. Have faith, look ahead, KNOW that you will emerge from this a much better person and look forward to the wonderful unexpected things to come. It is hard to imagine at this juncture. I KNOW this all too well. Like you, I have been struggling but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and each day it gets just a little bit brighter. (((HUGS)))
Thanks so much, D. Yes, I think the odds are never in our favor when we get to this juncture. I just need to put my full trust in God that this the path he’s chosen for me. My dad was divorced before he married my mom. I’d have to think that now he realizes it was the best thing that happened to him. Otherwise, my sister and I wouldn’t exist and he’s built a life with my mom for more than 40 years. Faith is believing and trusting in the unknown. I’m trying to be mindful of that and keep it close.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Sadly Wanted... I think that is where all of us have to get to in the end. Acceptance and renewal... of ourselves mostly. I, too, fully expect to be D by this time next year. A pleasant surprise would be great... and those will come. They just may not be what we think. Have faith, look ahead, KNOW that you will emerge from this a much better person and look forward to the wonderful unexpected things to come. It is hard to imagine at this juncture. I KNOW this all too well. Like you, I have been struggling but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and each day it gets just a little bit brighter. (((HUGS)))
Thanks so much, D. Yes, I think the odds are never in our favor when we get to this juncture. I just need to put my full trust in God that this the path he’s chosen for me. My dad was divorced before he married my mom. I’d have to think that now he realizes it was the best thing that happened to him. Otherwise, my sister and I wouldn’t exist and he’s built a life with my mom for more than 40 years. Faith is believing and trusting in the unknown. I’m trying to be mindful of that and keep it close.
Amen. Very well said.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
