New chapter....with or without her

[EZdozit]

Journaling

So Friday afternoon came with and in a span of 45 minutes 2 major bombs dropped from W and her attorney in what I feel is their last grasp to rattle my cage in attempting to get full custody of s.

First was an email from S teacher that was sent to both w and I. S had an incident at school where he got in trouble. As a result of his actions he was required to fill out a “think sheet” about his actions. After filling out, teacher noticed that S wrote statements such as “I want to die”...”I’m no good”....”I hate myself” etc. This triggered me to the core. I responded to teacher requesting a meeting on Monday and demanded a social worker be present. I then attempted to call W to discuss and she yet again failed to engage in a convo over phone. Reverted to just texting...still refusing to acknowledge her choices are a huge reason for S troubles. S has been responsive and happy while with me...and says he wants to be with me all the time. I fear he is walking on the eggshells I did the last 3 years while with w. I plan to head this issue straight forward but know I need to act in a calm demeanor and not cast blame to wife...as I feel this could be attempt by wife to get full custody. I went over to My mentors house to discuss as he was experienced in child therapy.

While at mentors, I then get an email from my attorney. W has filed a motion in attempting to have me removed from marital home and all decisions as to the sale of our house fall upon w....the week before Christmas. House has been on market coming in at 180 days, but market has slowed due to increased interest rates and the season. I have maintained a list price at what we purchased home for 5 yrs back to maximize the asset with minimum loss. We get steady traffic but no offers yet. When I got termed 3 months ago, I worked an agreement with mortgage company on modified payments while I search for a new job...essentially a reverse mortgage where outstanding payments get attached to end of loan...thus reducing equity. This was a last resort as w refused to allow me to have a couple tenants rent out rooms which would have alleviated mortgage pressure as w left me with responsibility of all payments and refused to help support when she left.

I believe this is an attempt to claim I can’t provide a stable home for S so they will request to modify child custody. At time of BD, w gave me full authority as to the sale and marketing of home.

Both of these happened just before 5 on Friday..so I haven’t discussed with my attorney. Luckily I’ve kept records of correspondence from w where she was agreeable on pricing strategy. I don’t believe any judge would rule in her favor...forcing me out of the house that she elected to leave...but it’s a concern for sure. Just more needless legal fees going to attorneys.

Any thoughts from board?

[NicoleR]

Hi EZdozit,

I'm not sure I've followed your thread closely enough to make good comments but what you write about your son caught my attention. This is so sad. Your son is very young - is he really only six? And he wrote that he wants to die? If your wife can't set aside her agenda and focus on helping him to feel better then someone has to intervene. What did your mentor say? Couldn't all this legal stuff and house selling ordeal be put on hold so you and your wife can help your son to feel better? If your wife can't put her child first then it seems you need to fight back with all the lawyers, legal fees, etc.. that are out there to prevent further damage to your child. I apologize that I don't have more background information but it sounds like your son desperately needs to be with you. I really hope you can find a way to get him the help he needs immediately at any cost. I'll be keeping your and your family in my thoughts!

[EZdozit]

Nicole,

My mentor believes their is definitely something going on behind the scenes with W as if he is being coached..but can’t say for certain. Had the meeting today with s teacher and wife tried to dismiss his comments as trying to deflect from him getting in trouble...I can only shake my head at this point. I was calm and collected during the meeting, and firmly stated I believed all the change my S has endured with getting ripped out of the only school district and community he’s known to a completely new environment along with our pending divorce has really impacted him. School had a social worker do an evaluation with S today as well and in his responses to some questions he blames himself on W and I splitting...wants his family back, and is just mad. I only know to be the best dad and not bad mouth W in front of him.

I may soon make an attempt to get primary custody should I observe more of this behavior. I also got 7 referrals of childrens therapist from my IC and will be reaching out ASAP. Want to prevent w from trying to control this as well. Narcissistic behavior never wins in the end I believe.

Thank you for the prayers!

[Twofeet]

EZ,

Oh man I hate hearing about this. Seems like 9 out of 10 times the kids are the ultimate losers in all this. Its chaps my hide to hear your little boy suffering. From what it sounds like he is being used like a pawn against you. I am truly sorry for your struggles. Be his hero. Prayers for you.

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

So after having met with my attorney to prepare a response to the motion W filed to have me removed from marital home, I have equipped him with an arsenal of evidence from emails, screen prints of texts, etc. that clearly prove wife has fallen off reservation. W had manipulated my realtor under false pretenses to get him to make recommendations on pricing strategies, has lied to S teacher, and has character assassinated me to many folks all while I have remained silent and focused on myself.

Now that comes to a screeching halt. The latest bizarre behavior she’s done is another form of emotional abuse to S and my patience has reached a limit. Over the last few months, my S school backpack became somewhat of a receptical as a way to pass small items back and forth between houses. On Monday evening I picked S up from school and took over to my mothers so I could attend my men’s fellowship meeting. I asked my mom to work on S homework with him and she agreed. When grabbing out his homework folder, she found a bunch of bizarre items including an old journal of W, and a pair of her thong underwear....(WTF)

My mom asked S why these items were in his backpack and he became puny and couldn’t provide an explanation. W had texted me a pic of a prescription refill that she said she put in his backpack that morning, so it’s clear this is deliberate.

I did text W asking why these items were in his backpack....and she acted perplexed, but I can sense thru the bull$hit.

Sheepishly after a while...on way home from moms house, S used his imagination and said he wanted to make a sling shot out of her crusty skivies...lol

My full on response will be measured and firm...but WW is about to get smacked with a dose of reality based solely on facts and she will clearly look like the a$$hole.

[EZdozit]

Had a very tough day today. Was able to get into a children’s play therapist before Christmas to address S cry for help. Therapist required initial session with W and I first to get a picture of our story and where we are currently at, cause for D, etc.

Therapist asked some very pointed questions in which I was very honest. He asked if I still loved my W and if there was anything he could do to help us work on marriage. I acknowledged that I did despite all the garbage she’s done and continues to do. I then said I was just focused on my own path and being the best father and version of myself I could be. Other questions uncovered a lot of things that W and I have not addressed, and she won’t entertain right now.

Therapist then asked W same questions and typical ILYBNILWY and other std. BS answers about her happiness. Therapist was able to sniff out the BS fairly quickly when he asked what W role was in diminishing MR...she claimed she had no involvement or culpability.

During session, there were responses I provided that triggered W but she was shut down from responding. Same happened to me when W told blantant lies and I couldn’t defend myself.

I left session at peace, but won’t lie that it frustrated me about how she was so flippant at tearing our family up and appears to have no clue as to the wreckage she has left in her wake.

It’s been 9 months since BD...and I’m completely comfortable in my own skin. I have truly become AMOAFWL...and I believe carma will bite W in the face at some point. Her continued lies and character assasination she’s done to me won’t deter my path.

[EZdozit]

So it’s been 24 hours since therapy session and I can’t lie some of the things w said haven’t been troubling....but know it’s just proof she’s still full WW and in her own fog.

One of the statements w said to therapist as to why she was pursuing D was that she had once broken up with me prior to us getting MR...yet choose to “look past” her concerns at that time and got “fooled” in getting back together with me. Not only back together, but then married....for 10 years. She completely brushed over entire 10 yr MR claiming she was “fooled”...WTF??

Another card W thru out was hinted that I once physically abused her....which is absolutely garbage and BS. I hate that she has resorted to this...as I know once a women in todays society claims this...it’s up to men to prove their innocence. It’s a disgrace to me. I owned my past issues with anxiety and depression to therapist, and also said what I’ve done to treat those symptoms.

I believe therapist was able to quickly determine she was full of $hit...

I know believe nothing she says/half what they do.

It just confirmed to me that she no longer has any legitimate reason for D...other then her self serving, self righteousness, and stubbornness to not appear that she is making a mistake. Ultimately she will be the a$$hole either way...and will have that on her conscious.

I have a hearing scheduled Jan 2nd...and feeling all sorts of emotions coming over me due to that, also with Xmas and the fact I won’t have S wish me...just [censored]. I will stay centered...

Any thoughts from board?

I will combat any further bogus claims W makes...I will stand up for my S and my best interests. I will face a narcissist straight up and believe she will not come out ahead in the end.

[EZdozit]

For a long time I would give W a pass for her actions and choices under the excuse it was lashing out in grieving the loss of her mother....I felt I was getting scapegoated.

No more...

W is a full blown narcissist.....thru out all sorts of lies, deception, and blame onto me at time of BD. I fell hook, line, and sinker for it.

I responded and improved in all facets of my life...which only further enraged W.

Now I will call her out on her $hit...and not excuse her behavior.

She lives and will deal with the actions, choices, and decisions. If not careful, may cost her time with only S.

[SoTorn]

Damn man. Sounds like my WW. It's all my fault. She should have left me a long time ago. She was tired of waiting for changes. Like I'm the only one that needed to work on our M. They are wayward man. That's the truth. Just focus on yourself like I am. I am GAL hardcore man.

[ovrrnbw]

Reverted to just texting...still refusing to acknowledge her choices are a huge reason for S troubles

Then leave her out of it. Go be a parent by yourself and quit contacting her. It's seem pursuity and controlling. It's like you're saying "W, you're hurting our son, quit doing this!" But your W doesn't care enough to stop.

When I got termed 3 months ago

Have you gotten another job and started paying on the mortgage again?

Had the meeting today with s teacher and wife tried to dismiss his comments as trying to deflect from him getting in trouble

Could be your W is right. You should tell your son that those statements are BS and he needs to get after it in school. Mom and Dad struggling is no excuse for him to not be hammering away in the classroom.

I believed all the change my S has endured with getting ripped out of the only school district and community he’s known to a completely new environment along with our pending divorce has really impacted him

Seems like pursuit and you trying to control your W. I bet that's how your W sees it. And ultimately it's an excuse for your son who needs to hit the books.

School had a social worker do an evaluation with S today as well and in his responses to some questions he blames himself on W and I splitting...wants his family back, and is just mad. I only know to be the best dad and not bad mouth W in front of him.

A school social worker? No offense but when you're a hammer all you see is nails. Everyone is dangling bait for him to act out and he's taking it - he's a kid! What do you expect? It's like you and your son are teaming up on her.

I also got 7 referrals of childrens therapist from my IC and will be reaching out ASAP.

The best therapy would be him getting after it in school, staying busy with extracurriculars, and running around with his friends enjoying his childhood instead of focusing on his folks' problems.

My full on response will be measured and firm...but WW is about to get smacked with a dose of reality based solely on facts and she will clearly look like the a$$hole.

Not everything your W does is wrong, maybe it was a mistake and maybe not. But why are you trying to read into it? Why are you trying to force reality on her? If she wants to run then she will run from reality. And it's clear you are trying to make her look like the bad guy because you are hurt and super caught up with her and everything she does.

It’s been 9 months since BD...and I’m completely comfortable in my own skin.

You're lying to yourself. Your W is under your skin. You allow her there, you allow her to remain.

She completely brushed over entire 10 yr MR claiming she was “fooled”...WTF??

This could be a legitimate feeling. It may be temporary, it may be lasting. Why wouldn't you validate it? If the folks on the DB board had vetted things perfectly and worked out issues before marriage, there would certainly be less of us here. I can say for a fact that my W and I swept things under the rug. We have always had strong feelings for each and that made it easier, but also contributed to the build up of resentment and caused the sitch. I have no doubt there is some truth in her words, but you simply take offense to them. Think about it logically. You're so emotionally charged.

I believe therapist was able to quickly determine she was full of $hit...

You believe want you want to believe, when it fits your story. Your W does the same, and round and round you two go. Are you ready to break the cycle?

It just confirmed to me that she no longer has any legitimate reason for D ...other then her self serving, self righteousness, and stubbornness to not appear that she is making a mistake.

This line of thinking just brings you more and more pain. I think you guys are both stubborn and self righteous. This doesn't make you a bad person, but right now it is hard for you to work through this because of those attributes.

Now I will call her out on her $hit...and not excuse her behavior.

She lives and will deal with the actions, choices, and decisions. If not careful, may cost her time with only S.

More control behavior. You aren't her daddy, she wants a divorce. It's not your place to "call her out on her $hit".