H is back in hot pursuit again. I feel like I’m on that movie Groundhogs Day. He’s back to professing his love for me. He says he’s going through something and he needs me. Rolling my eyes. I mean it’s blatantly obvious he’s going through something.
All of you gurus here are 100 percent correct. You can’t trust anything that they say. Just last week he professes he wanted out of the marriage. This week he’s back to you’re still my wife. As if I need the reminder.
I went out with friends Saturday evening, looking like a million bucks of course. I get home at about 1:30 in the morning only to find him waiting for me in my bed. What the heck??? I had to put him out of my room as he begged and pleaded to stay. This is the weirdest situation I’m sure I’ve ever experienced.
So as he tells me that he misses me, loves me, and needs me, I just listen to him. Although yesterday I did sort of lash out when he kept insisting that he loves me. I told him B.S. I don’t believe him.
I’ll be honest and say that I miss him too and I love him with every fiber of my being. I miss the mentally stable man that he used to be. I just can’t say that to him right now. So I’ll contiinue with the detaching in a loving manner, and GAL.
The saga continues....
You're doing great. Wow, we all have such difficult situations, but it sounds so incredibly difficult to have someone you love saying the "right words" but knowing they don't mean them yet. You're very strong for knowing this and acting appropriately.
Good job Living, you are absolutely doing the right thing in being firm with him! Well done kicking him out of your bed, man he has some kind of nerve!!!
I’m sure he does but it’s not going to happen. Lol!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
H is back in hot pursuit again. I feel like I’m on that movie Groundhogs Day. He’s back to professing his love for me. He says he’s going through something and he needs me. Rolling my eyes. I mean it’s blatantly obvious he’s going through something.
All of you gurus here are 100 percent correct. You can’t trust anything that they say. Just last week he professes he wanted out of the marriage. This week he’s back to you’re still my wife. As if I need the reminder.
I went out with friends Saturday evening, looking like a million bucks of course. I get home at about 1:30 in the morning only to find him waiting for me in my bed. What the heck??? I had to put him out of my room as he begged and pleaded to stay. This is the weirdest situation I’m sure I’ve ever experienced.
So as he tells me that he misses me, loves me, and needs me, I just listen to him. Although yesterday I did sort of lash out when he kept insisting that he loves me. I told him B.S. I don’t believe him.
I’ll be honest and say that I miss him too and I love him with every fiber of my being. I miss the mentally stable man that he used to be. I just can’t say that to him right now. So I’ll contiinue with the detaching in a loving manner, and GAL.
The saga continues....
You're doing great. Wow, we all have such difficult situations, but it sounds so incredibly difficult to have someone you love saying the "right words" but knowing they don't mean them yet. You're very strong for knowing this and acting appropriately.
It’s very difficult because in your heart you want to believe them. If he truly loves me as much as he says he does, then his actions will have to start matching his words.
I’m doing my best. Trust me it’s not easy but as I stated upthread, I’m taking my power back. I struggle with patience and it’s obvious we have a long way to go.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Good job Living, you are absolutely doing the right thing in being firm with him! Well done kicking him out of your bed, man he has some kind of nerve!!!
Thanks for the encouragement! I was livid but handled myself accordingly. And you’re right, he had a lot of nerve. He’s delusional.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Ready2Change, was this question directed towards me? Is it a trick question, lol!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Somehow you have to figure out the balance in all of this. You are the one that has to make choices and live with the consequences.
The first biggest question: Is he being unfaithful right now? Only you can figure this out.
Is he being deceptive? Again, only you can figure this out.
What are your deal breakers in your marriage?
He may be having temptations. Again, who do you want him to have sex with?
Is there room for forgiveness? Has he shown remorse?
You have needs and he has needs and they most likely are not in alignment.
How do you get them in alignment?
I still go back to seduction.
W:"H, it looks like you want to get lucky. I need to be turned on before I sleep with you. You have not done anything to turn me on. It is not as easy as getting in my bed. Please try something else next time. It is time for you to leave and me to get some sleep. goodnight."
I would love for him to stand up to you and tell you it is his house and his bedroom and you are free to leave....but I am sure he will respect your wishes....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Somehow you have to figure out the balance in all of this. You are the one that has to make choices and live with the consequences.
The first biggest question: Is he being unfaithful right now? Only you can figure this out.
Is he being deceptive? Again, only you can figure this out.
What are your deal breakers in your marriage?
He may be having temptations. Again, who do you want him to have sex with?
Is there room for forgiveness? Has he shown remorse?
You have needs and he has needs and they most likely are not in alignment.
How do you get them in alignment?
I still go back to seduction.
W:"H, it looks like you want to get lucky. I need to be turned on before I sleep with you. You have not done anything to turn me on. It is not as easy as getting in my bed. Please try something else next time. It is time for you to leave and me to get some sleep. goodnight."
I would love for him to stand up to you and tell you it is his house and his bedroom and you are free to leave....but I am sure he will respect your wishes....
Ahhh I see! Thanks for the additional questions.
I do not believe he is being unfaithful right now. He goes to work M-F and comes straight home. He also stays home all weekend. Last year after his EA he decided he wanted to be 100 percent transparent with me so we installed a tracking app on our phones. So I pretty much can see where he goes.
As for being deceptive, he isn’t showing any signs of deception at the movement. I truly think he’s confused and the MLC has his mind pretty messed up.
My deal breaker is him having another affair. I won’t tolerate that. I also would never tolerate abuse of any kind. However, he’s never been abusive to me in anyway.
Of course I only want my husband to sleep with me. I’m sure he’s wanting and needing sex, it has been a month or so. So I can tell he wants it. I myself have to fight the temptation when we seem to be getting along.
I do have room in my heart for forgiveness but it’s hard being on this emotional roller coaster. He does seem to show some form of remorse. He apologizes and tonight said he hates himself. I truly believe he is going through something right now, which he admits.
We do both have needs and I agree they aren’t totally aligned. I also love the advice to tell him I need to be turned on.
It’s finny that you said this last piece. It’s like you’ve been a fly on the wall. Tonight I put him out of my room and he told me, this is “our” room. I said no this is my room. He repeated himself by saying no this is our room. Then he said once again, you’re still my wife. But he did eventually respect my wishes and leave.
Finding balance is hard to do but I agree it’s necessary. I just never in a million years would have predicted we would be in this place in our marriage. It’s so nuts to me. It truly is a journey.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
