Determined now as I move forward..

[Dtrmned]

Updating.
It's Friday and I am very excited to pick up my kids and have them for this next week!

Not much interaction with my W this week.

We texted a couple of times and spoke once. She is VERY tired from the week of running the kids and she did her best to bait me in a few times to argue. I never took the bait. I only spoke to her regarding a few financial things that were imminent and had to be done. She did take her stance on "I can't pay that" and I asked why not since I know for a fact she has a LOT of cash from cashing out everything she has. Her response was that "its none of my business". I let it go. She asked for us to meet up next week since she wants to split our stuff up. I said "ok" let's schedule a time so we can discuss everything since there is lots to discuss. She responded back and made an underhanded jab at me. I again, did not respond and let it go. Just skimmed over it and answered the questions that were asked as briefly as possible.

When we spoke yesterday, she said that "we are all just so exhausted from the week and running on fumes!". I tried to validate that "I bet its been a rough week" since I know they had a lot of running to do. But again, this is her choice and I often wonder (not my problem) how she is going to fit a job in there when her money runs out in a few months.

Decent GAL week. Worked out, work, 2 lunches and 2 dinners out with friends and 1 dinner out by myself. House is clean. A few more decorations to be put up and a bunch of baking this weekend. I'm going to take the kids shopping, give them a little (just a little) money so THEY can purchase a gift for their mother. If this is wrong, please let me know. This is not from me. I am not picking it out. I am merely providing a little capital.

I haven't seen her in a week. Briefly saw her last Saturday as they stopped by to pick something up. I do miss her. And my family in the same home. I don't miss the tension and long periods of awkward silence. I am db'ing by going as dim as I can outside of the kids. I have only initiated one text this week and that is the one regarding the issues that needed immediate attention. Brief and to the point. She is playing her game as well. I love it when I realize this part. She waits her certain amount of time prior to responding. Totally textbook on her end.

I don't know how the holidays will work out. One of the things we are discussing next week. Christmas, New Year's and a kid's birthday in between so lots to figure out for everyone.

No idea how she is doing other than exhausted. Hopefully she is thinking and who knows what her agenda is for our meet up next week. For me, I will listen, validate and discuss only the financial and custody arrangements. No R talk, no blame, nothing like that at all. I have to work up for that one, but I know I can do it!

Peace to all. For a few brief moments yesterday while stuck in traffic on the freeway, listened to some of my favorite Christmas songs and caught a little Christmas spirit!

Looking forward to my kids being HOME!!

[Ready2Change]

I'm going to take the kids shopping, give them a little (just a little) money so THEY can purchase a gift for their mother. If this is wrong, please let me know. This is not from me. I am not picking it out. I am merely providing a little capital.

This is perfect. You are Dad and are teaching the kids life lessons.

[Dtrmned]

Good weekend with the kids!
A couple of issues with my daughter. Not with our relationship, just teenage drama and stuff. It was pretty important, and I got the opportunity since she was here to sit, talk with her, and kind of ride out her emotional roller coaster for a few hours late on Friday.

It did get a little serious so I did update her Mom on this. It's weird. Either she just doesn't care, or she doesn't want me to be involved or some combination of these. W seems to want to block me and cut me out every chance she gets. If it is about the kids, I share everything that I feel is important. She, presently, does not. I don't know if she just doesn't think about it or just doesn't want to communicate with me at all. Just feels exclusionary. I'm going to keep doing what I am doing and am only contacting about the kids.

But, we had a good weekend. Shopping, baking, decorating, movies, eating, it was GOOD!

As far as my MR. DB'ing. GAL is down a little due to the kids schedules being off for finals this week. BUT, I get more time with them so that is good! Supposed to meet with my W this week to go over some financials and splitting up the furniture and "stuff" that we have accumulated. That should be fun. I am just going into the meeting first to listen. Then validate her feelings and thoughts. Briefly discuss anything that needs to. And get it over with.

We also have to discuss the holiday schedule for the next couple of weeks.

Should be FUN! Not looking forward to it, not dreading it.

[Dtrmned]

Don't know why, just down a little bit today.
I am enjoying my kids a ton and having fun with them outside of school stuff and the are responding very well.

I guess I'm just down about the holidays. Its very depressing. W still hasn't called to set a time to "discuss" things. I'm sure expects me to be at her beck and call, but that won't happen. Unfortunately there are some things that must be discussed. We still don't have a Christmas schedule set up either! UGH! I'm frustrated. Not like before though when it was more of an angry frustration. This is more of a sad frustration. I just miss my family being together. I miss the fun times. I miss my partner. I know this will blow over and I appreciate everyone investing their time in allowing me to vent.

Work is slow so I have a little more time, but it is spent this week shuttling and hanging with the kids.

No idea what my W is thinking or doing. I think about it from time to time just because we used to be so close. I am not obsessing as I once was about what she is doing or whom she is with. My heart just hurts at the moment.

[SteveLW]

The holidays are rough when in the midst of our sitches. I can attest to this based on last year. Hang in there!

[Dtrmned]

Weird text from W this morning and I wanted to ask the forum.
Since we have been physically separated, I have gone dark as much as possible.
We haven't discussed Christmas yet. She said she wanted to meet and talk earlier this week about "a lot of things" but has yet to say anything. The kids still facetime her at night, but other than that, I haven't heard from her for 3-4 days. She sends me a text out of the blue asking what I had gotten the kids and what was on their lists. I waited a few hours to respond to that one yesterday as she was given both lists, and I don't want to be at her beck and call and respond too quickly. After that, she texted this morning asking that she wanted to know cause she was "trying to think ahead" don't know what that means since Christmas is Tuesday!. and "just wondering where you were with things". referring to Christmas gifts for the kids. Other than letting her know what I got them that is larger and on their list so there are no duplicates, why does she want to know? It also seemed to me that she was inferring (not trying to mindread) that we were going to do Christmas (as far as purchasing the presents) for the kids together. Just seemed weird to me. Thoughts? How should I respond?

[Ready2Change]

Respond as a parent.


When in doubt about anything, ask yourself these questions:

1) Is this parenting related?
2) What is the right thing to do for my kids?


Make things simple.


As far as meeting about a lot of things:

H:"W, I don't see any free time in my schedule. If it is important, send me an email and I look over what you have to say."

[Dtrmned]

Unfortunately I couldn’t help it today got sucked into an argument with my wife. Totally involved the kids housing finances everything in some ugly words were said just wasn’t good. Don’t know what to do other than that we’ve kind of been getting along OK but everything just blew up I don’t know if it’s just the normal course of things but I guess we were both a little on edge today and neither of us will I didn’t stop.
It just seems that the arguments when they happen are more severe now because everything is so apparent and real and it means real money real time real effort real problems and it doesn’t give any time to have good quality interactions when all of our actions involved what you said finances kids and emotionally negative things that are going on. How do you DB through this win every action that you have is so paramount. Examples would be of course divorce and selling of assets or disposing of assets or moving one thing out of one person’s name or both peoples names into the other separating everything else it’s all encompassing and it’s all weighing on that I feel both of her shoulders and it’s hard to attempt to re-establish any kind of connection or anything through this so how can I improve myself through this an attempt of course the ultimate goal of being a man only a fool would leave but To save my family and begin a new marriage I just don’t know comments help?

[SoTorn]

You need to take a step back and relax man. Take a breath, go for a walk, go do something. Just remember to not let them suck you into a fight. Just go silent and remove yourself from the situation. I have a VERY hard time doing that as well. I would rather fight just to be right than shut up when I should be shutting up. I have done a much better job of it and things have been calm lately.

Stop thinking of the future. Think of RIGHT NOW and what you are going to do now to get yourself back on track with DB, GAL and 180. Take note of your actions that led up to the fight and make sure you don't repeat them. PMA man. Law of Attraction. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

[Dtrmned]

Thanks and I know I will get through this. Unfortunately the things were talking about our immediate issues that have to be dealt with now and they’re very pressing in very just harsh realities of separating divorce all of those things. I would love to put things off for a while but there are some of the things have to have decisions now. It’s just difficult with the feelings and the emotions and the person you’ve been with for so long that knows how to trigger you and tries to trigger you and wants to hurt you as much as they can in the moment and I’m trying and doing your best to restrain yourself I am human and can’t always be at my best and unfortunately I wasn’t today. Some things were said that I’m pretty sure can’t be taken back on both sides how do we how do I deal with that moving forward.