I've been really focused on doing what's good for me the last few days. I have been getting some audio training with the angry therapist who has great stuff for men. The course Im doing is called single on purpose and really focuses on working on yourself. It has been great for me so far. I have a new coach / mentor Im going to start working with. Excited to start new coaching with a new mentor. Been GAL with friends / work associates who are becoming new friends. Older good guys.
That being said getting started to back to working on me had some road blocks / regrets / unhealthy decisions.... Went online dating app briefly a few days ago. Saw W on Bumble, got flushed anxious reaction... still attached. Slowly dropping the rope as best I can... deleted all dating apps. Im not in a place to date. She probably isnt either but what she does is up to her. As you all say I cant let her affect me so much with her words or even her actions.
Today I had d4 swim stuff she gets swim lessons through school today. I texted W - Is it cool if I come play with D4 for 30-45 min when I drop swim stuff. If you are going to hang with us would you not on your phone unless it is work / family / car related. I know it is your house and I appreciate your consideration.
Trying to set a healthy boundary, mistake or ok? I guess it may make me look weak to be anxious about her phone and I should just care less.
Sat at table for a 5-10 min together. I was in a good mood. I could tell W had walls up and I didnt focus on her kept it light. Joked about SAnta and I talking and I heard D4 was good and shot him a text shes getting some good presents etc. W laughed, talked to D4, then did leggos with d4 for 20-30 min and left.
I know shes dating and I dont want to hear about men etc. D4 wanted to play upstairs and I still have a hard time not snooping in W stuff. When we were sleeping together she showed me drawer with journal sexy underwear toy etc... I said d4 lets go downstairs and only stayed up there for a min at two.
I work until 530, W meeting me with D4 at chipotle near my work not sure if we will eat together or not but I am really focused on me and not her. Huge mistake to focus on her so much the last couple months while dating. Lost progress, maybe lost last chance.... but hoping to get one more chance in a month or two after giving space. Maybe I wont even want the chance by then. Trying to trust life and not control everything.
Will continue to DB / GAL... thanks all
Last edited by Cadet; 12/06/1806:17 PM. Reason: Link
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Detach man, no expectation. Why don’t you take D4 to another place if you have the chance to visit her? You need to go dark with W or as AS says, to go dim considering you have D4. She has you where she wants. You are still giving her some cake. Sorry if you think I’m too harsh on you. I feel the need to tell you my opinion.
Stay strong Did, detach some more. Let W go, free yourself.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I don’t mind harsh. Keep it coming. Next time I’ll just drop the stuff off.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
You told her you want in on her time, but she has to follow your rules? Yeah, no. Not healthy.
I think you should be adjusting your parenting plan where you don't do these drop offs that could lead into meals or play time. Playing with your daughter in her house with your rules isn't a good idea. If you want to spend extra time with her ask if you could take her out for ice cream or something.
Neffer is right, both of your cycles are unhealthy.
Time to focus on just you and your D to be healthy as can be.
Did you seriously tell her what she can do on her phone while there? If I were her I would have told you not to come over. Straight no. Why did you want to go there anyways? You need to stop visiting daughter there. You need to stop finding stupid reasons to text her.
You literally tell everyone that you are going to detach and go dark and within hours you contact her. As a woman, I ca see why she is not wanting to be with you.
You said you want harsh. You need to get some respect for yourself. And fast.
I would also suggest you get 2 sets of whatever she needs for swim which I imagine is no more than a bathing suit, towel, and some sort of flotation device.
Your R is all sorts of unhealthy. And your behaviors are very controlling. No so "rescuer" but controlling. She certainly isn't going to be attracted to controlling and all over the board.
She wants help when she has D4. I was in the area at car shop and dropping stuff off. Controlling noted. She can do whatever she wants on her phone around me or not. Stop being so impulsive. We had discussed this visit prior. Self respect. Don’t want to be around her. Treat her like an ex gf. I don’t go seeing them.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
