A few months ago I saved a bunch of articles in my bookmarks about how to turn your partner on and about trying new things. Maybe I’ll break out a few of those.
It sounds to me like this isn't an issue?Perhaps down the line, but is it really about him right now?
Not necessarily about him at the moment but I saved these articles before the bomb drop.
Originally Posted by Living
I also like the idea browsing the book stores sexuality section. I’ve got a few things I would like to try.
THIS is the important line.
Originally Posted by Living
So I can add this to my other techniques and like you said, make this fun.
For YOU.
Of course!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Before you go through with this I want to make it absolutely clear that you go into this with ZERO expectations that it will not change anything.
In all likely hood it will just reinforce to him that you are on the hook as plan B.
Thank you for your honest opinion. I truly appreciate it. I haven’t made a final decision regarding this. I’m waiting on the book the Art of Seduction because I truly want to read it. I do enjoy teasing him though. I know that’s sinister but it’s fun.
At this point I don’t think I have any expectations when it comes to me H. He’s a mess. His actions show he’s a mess. He’s admitted that he’s going through something. I was sort of glad to hear him admit this. I’ve been reading a lot about MLC and I’m coming to the realization that he’s not intentionally hurting me. He’s in pain and hurt people hurt those closest to them. I’m not excusing any of his behavior. I’m just starting to realize that he truly is going through something. I see him everyday so I see it written all over his face. I’m also sure he’s dealing with both anxiety and depression.
I think I expected him to act out even worse than he already has. I expected him to go hang out in bars, to not come directly home from work or to not come home at all, to go sleep with a random woman, to come home sloppy drunk, to go out and make a irresponsible expensive purchase, to start drinking heavily, to pack his things and move out. However, he hasn’t done any of those things. He goes to work and then comes straight home. When I go GAL on the weekends, he’s left at home by himself. On one hand that’s a good thing. Because it shows him what life would be like without me. On the other hand, maybe that gives him some space and time to really think about things. I’m not sure. All I know is he is staying very close to home base. He’s also promised that he’s not going to go out and cheat. So far he’s living up to that.
That’s what makes things so freaking confusing. He says one day he wants out of the marriage and then if I stop talking to him, he can’t handle it. I think me moving him out of the MBR opened his eyes some. He never expected that I would do that in a million years. He’s now back to he wants us to try to figure things out. He initiated that conversation not me.
So does it give me some hope that he’s not out doing crazy things? Yes it does! But I haven’t decided if I’ll give into the temptation and sleep with him or not. I’ll just admit it isn’t easy because there are times when my body wants to.
Right now he’s acting very sweet. Telling me he loves me daily. He makes sure he looks me dead in the eyes when he says it. He also makes sure that I’m looking him in the eye when he says it. I don’t say it back because I know it’s against the rules. I just look at him. He says that he just wants me to know and believe that he truly loves me. Yesterday he also thanked me out of the blue for not giving up on him. I didn’t really respond, I just looked at him.
Last edited by Living; 12/06/1807:54 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I am just giving you new options/ideas to consider. Save them for the future when the opportunity arises.
1) New sexy "Outfit" from victory secrets. 2) New perfume. 3) You in your bedroom. 4) H in the house some place. 5) You turn radio on LOUD. You dancing in your room. 6) H wonders what going on. Knocks on door. 7) Who knows what.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am just giving you new options/ideas to consider. Save them for the future when the opportunity arises.
1) New sexy "Outfit" from victory secrets. 2) New perfume. 3) You in your bedroom. 4) H in the house some place. 5) You turn radio on LOUD. You dancing in your room. 6) H wonders what going on. Knocks on door. 7) Who knows what.
I do love the way that you think! That’s for darn sure. Truth is I appreciate all the advice I get from this forum. I know that each sitch is different and there isn’t a one size fits all approach to what everyone is going g through on this forum.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
You are starting a new relationship. You are testing this man to see how he responds.
Oh and I forget:
4.5) H just fell asleep
Love it!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I’ve had a decent weekend although the weather here has been horrible. On Friday H asked me out and so I went. We actually had a good time. Dinner and a movie. It was kind of nice to see him smile and I enjoyed his company.
Saturday I stayed in all day because I had some business and work related issues to tend to. Plus again, the weather is pretty nasty right now. H came in my office and sat down. I could tell something was on his mind but I didn’t say anything. He said I want you to know I appreciate you. I asked why. He then stated that he appreciates me for not giving up on him. He said he wanted to thank me for putting him out of the MBR. He said it really showed him how things would be if he leaves. I asked him how that was working out for him (being put out of our bedroom). He said it [censored] and he misses me. I just looked at him, stayed quiet and listened.
He again said he’s going through something and that he hates himself for what he’s done to me. He told me, I want you to believe me when I say that. He then said I feel so horrible for cheating on you last year. He said he’s ashamed and hates himself for doing that. He said he doesn’t even know why he did it but he knows he was weak and stupid. I said well you weren’t getting it from me so....He then said, no it wasn’t your fault. He said I was weak and stupid and I made a bad decision. He said you are not to blame for my stupid decision no matter what was happening in our marriage. I just sat there and listened to him. Plus I don’t blame myself but it felt good hearing him say it wasn’t my fault.
I know I’m not supposed to trust his words, only his actions. But it felt kind of good to hear him say these things. It’s like he’s finally truly seeing some of the damage he’s caused. I’m not saying this changes anything but it does feel good to hear him acknowledge and show remorse for some of the stupid crap he’s done. I told him that I will continue to pray for him and he said thank you!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
