You are doing a great job at shutting that crap down, keep it up. He still has a long way to go before he hits bottom and may actually get serious about trying to get you back.
This is one of those catch 22's. Time is your friend and also your enemy.
This is tough love. How do you let him hit bottom faster? How does he get serious about getting you back? The secrets are in "The art of seduction". It is a big long book. Keep it hidden.
You are doing great.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Forgive me as I may be in an ultra cynical mood, but it all sounds horribly familiar and I fear you are being chumped. I think AS has analysed his words pretty spot on.
It’s not for everyone but I found both reality and humour in the ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’. I thought my sitch was unique and he was different because of the ‘ i have always loved you and will always love you’ speech that I got several times. Unfortunately it was straight out of the cake eating handbook and designed to keep me dangling whilst he still contacted OW. He asked me to wait and give him time to grieve for his affair etc etc etc.
Hope is good but remember that he is a master manipulator and liar. You need a lot more than a few easy words of sorry. He’s got a long way to go yet.
I know I’m not supposed to trust his words, only his actions. But it felt kind of good to hear him say these things. It’s like he’s finally truly seeing some of the damage he’s caused. I’m not saying this changes anything but it does feel good to hear him acknowledge and show remorse for some of the stupid crap he’s done. I told him that I will continue to pray for him and he said thank you!
You're getting lots of great advice, and you seem to be doing well (given the situation, of course).
One small piece of advice, and a common saying here is:
"Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do".
So, my advice is that you shouldn't be so sure to believe in his actions.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and your advice. I truly appreciate it.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
You are so kind R2C, I truly appreciate you. I don’t think there’s anything at this particular moment you all can do to support me. You all help me more than you know. I just have to keep chugging along. I love my husband with all my heart. I also miss him. But right now he has issues that only he can resolve. I hope for the best but again, I have to be solid one way or the other.
I’m grateful for life, strength, and I know God will see me through this. I refuse to be someone’s plan B. I deserve the best and if my H isn’t capable or willing to do that, his loss. It’s a tough pill to swallow but sometimes life isn’t fair.
Again thank you so much for your support! Oh and I’m my book “the art of seduction” should be here on Wednesday! I can’t wait to read it. Thanks again for the recommendation!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
In my old thread I posted that I asked my H what would happiness look like for him, since he says he’s unhappy. His answer was:
*he would do things he enjoys *he would go fishing *he would go hunting *he would take a long ride to another state on a whim *he would join a bowling league *he would take the kids camping (but then he said he missed that opportunity because they are now older) *he would build something
Can anyone answer this question for me...why isn’t he currently doing any of these things? No one is stopping him. If doing these things is what he says would make him happy, why isn’t he doing them? Like some of these are pretty simple things.
I’ve been GAL and he just sits at home. He goes to work and comes home. That’s it. It’s just so confusing. Like on the weeken buddy, why not go bowling or something?
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It's confusing to you because you listen to his words.
I thought that list was ridiculous when I first read it because he could definitely do all those things while still married to you.
I will give you my opinion. He wants to run around with other women. He likes the excitement of it. He wants you to be waiting for him when the excitement runs out and he crashes and burns.
It's confusing to you because you listen to his words.
I thought that list was ridiculous when I first read it because he could definitely do all those things while still married to you.
I will give you my opinion. He wants to run around with other women. He likes the excitement of it. He wants you to be waiting for him when the excitement runs out and he crashes and burns.
You may be 100 percent correct! However, I won’t be sitting around waiting on him after he runs around with other women.
For now he’s just going to work and coming straight home. He stays in the house during the weekends. We did shop for Christmas together last weekend. So he was out and about.
He says he needs to work on his issues and he says he’s committed to doing so. He’s been going to therapy, which I’m actually shocked about. He’s never been a fan of therapy. But he seems to like his therapist and continues to go.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
In my old thread I posted that I asked my H what would happiness look like for him, since he says he’s unhappy. His answer was:
*he would do things he enjoys *he would go fishing *he would go hunting *he would take a long ride to another state on a whim *he would join a bowling league *he would take the kids camping (but then he said he missed that opportunity because they are now older) *he would build something
Can anyone answer this question for me...why isn’t he currently doing any of these things? No one is stopping him. If doing these things is what he says would make him happy, why isn’t he doing them? Like some of these are pretty simple things.
I’ve been GAL and he just sits at home. He goes to work and comes home. That’s it. It’s just so confusing. Like on the weeken buddy, why not go bowling or something?
This to me screams of depression. It's WANTING to WANT to do things, but not actually wanting to do them.
