Steve I pretty much agree it calls for NC so I can detach. And she can see what she’s missing. I have to stop allowing her to cakewalk and have family positive feelings if she’s not all in.
Is that your reasoning? I always want to understand why. Please explain your thought process behind NC. Thank you
I was coming from Baltimore in previous situation and was early. I should of just gone to a Starbucks. Next time I will.
Last edited by Did; 12/10/1805:02 PM.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
NC because, as sandi alluded to, she keeps setting you up to keep you attached, and you keep taking the bait. All of the texts. The hour at her place. It is all part and parcel of a WW trying to do whatever she wants (with OM) and keep her family and support.
Until you break that cycle you won't be able to move forward and she won't get to feel the pain of loss of what she had.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Your W uses your daughter as an excuse to always be talking to you, with the hopes that you will stay and give her attention, sex, etc. So far she is successful 100% of the time. When she's done with you, she kicks you to the curb, where your needs go unmet. Are you OK with this?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You’re right. No I’m not ok with it. Words and actions don’t line up. Therapist was awesome. She was big on that - words and actions and repeated stuff that we discuss here. I’m settling for scraps when I could have the whole banquet. I wish there was a way to upload images here she gave me a great 2 page document on ten things about healthy love. And things to avoid. W hits most of all the things to avoid.
W said - It doesn’t matter what w intentions are or that if she means Her stuffs in first locker
Take 1 tsp of medicine at 4 and right before bed
She had a ton of black beans and a little kale in a taco
I said - ok
She said- Appreciate you taking her so I can study. First day I’ve slept well/felt good. Hopefully she sleeps and doesn’t get more sick
I’d like to say you’re welcome. Being polite is ok right? Or just say nothing.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I see a lot of photo taking with people who are so addicted to their phones. It's like a lot of stuff they do.....FB, etc. Whether she is consciously or unconsciously using the photos to keep you attached.....you know how it affects you. And like you said, you really wanted to respond. Part of it is habit, and part of it is how your mind is trained. Like, if you don't show some type of positive response, it reflects on your feelings for your child. Of course, that's not true.....and therefore, you don't have to prove anything. It's a silly mind game people get sukked into. So, if she asks, just tell her you had rather her not forward photos for awhile. You don't have to explain anything.
Quote
She told me she’s been sleeping like five hours a night about a dream she had with a premi baby that we were at a party and I tried to help it.
To tell you something like that just seems cruel. I think she was looking for some reaction from you. I can't help but believe she does it to keep you emotionally vulnerable to her. She has almost crippled you, emotionally. She knows how sensitive you are, and she works on it. I know she has some problems, but I also know how women operate to get attention, sympathy, a reaction, etc.
I'm glad to see you trying to become a stronger, independent of your relationship with your W. IMHO, that's what you need to do. Sometimes in order to survive, you have to let go of the other person that's pulling both of you under. This has nothing to do with your character. So, don't have survival's remorse. Don't let her, or anyone else, try to make you feel guilty for doing what you need to do in order to have a healthy life. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
