OH CRAP! I just checked my voicemail just for the heck of it and she DID leavw a message! I don't know why I didn't get a voicemail message yesterday! She was balling her eyes out! She apologized for not being in touch and was asking if the vet we used was still in business. I feel terrible now. I didn't check my voicemail because I didn't think I had any! But WAW was on there crying her eyes out? Dammit, now I feel like an ass.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
What I mean is my phone didn't notify me I had voicemail...I had 3 from yesterday and one was WAW.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
You are not an as$, that can happen to anyone. My phone doesn't consistently alert me of messages.
Okay so we have two different things happening here. #1. The bird died, that is sad for her, and you missed the message. I think a simple call or text is fine. "I am sorry I missed your message and I am more sorry to hear about the bird. Take good care." Close the communication.
Why? Because #2. She is treating you like a BF or a H!!! And you are none of those. That is what a woman often does when she is upset about something: she calls her man in tears. Not all women, I actually turn to my women freinds more often than my H, but you get my point.
So more importantly, how does that make you feel? She still sees you as the man she turns too when in distress .... (this is not about the vet, because anyone can find a good vet)
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Well I just left her a brief voicemail apologizing for missing her message and offered my condolences and gave her the vet advice. I left it at that. However now I'm sure she's going to call me back. I also sent a text of condolences to her Mom. You see her parents are away on vacation and the person taking care of the bird while they were away is the one who found the bird dead. She then called WAW who wasn't sure what to do with the body/situation. This is what WAW said in her voicemail and she was crying heavily. How does it make me feel? Well I guess it makes me feel good insofar as I'm the one she reached out to. Other than that though I don't know if I have any specific feelings about it. I also don't want to be used as a crutch in her times of neediness only... it's still the whole deal or nothing to me. Sure, this is incredibly sad as they loved that bird, but that doesn't change the dynamic between her and I which is obviously a mess. So I'm not thinking too deeply on it I guess. I just wish I had enough sense to check my voicemail yesterday though. Why I didn't I have no idea. I'm so accustomed to my phone letting me know when a voicemail was left.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Well yes, I get that but I'm still a decent human being. I feel bad for WAW just as I would anyone who lost a long time family pet. I mean yeah, she left me, but she didn't murder someone, she's not an evil person...and she did have valid reasons for leaving me. So yes, when WAW, or anyone for that matter, calls me in tears over something and I miss the call for 24 hours, I'm going to feel bad. So it's not because it was WAW per se, I'd feel bad no matter who it was that called in distress.
Now yes, this does once again raise the question why does she keep coming back? Why me? Even if she wanted to know if our vet was still in business, she could have simply looked him up on Google and called him. So yes, that is mysterious to me after two months of no contact. I still think deep down she needs and wants me. I don't think she's as at peace with things with us and I think she has an attachment to me that she can't sever. None of this means anything of course because my course of action is the same now as it was two days ago. I'm done with the friend crap. My guilt is no more than it would be if anyone called me in tears and I wasn't there to answer. It's not that I feel bad because I feel like I owe her a damned thing...I would sympathize with anyone who was going through that. I'm a decent human being, not a pushover.
Last edited by ItHurts; 12/13/1807:56 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
IH, I think it's a GOOD thing that you didn't reply to her right away. It was a genuine mistake, but also it shows her that you're not sitting on your phone waiting for her to call/ text and you're not immediately available when she needs a stand-in husband.
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Well I just left her a brief voicemail apologizing for missing her message and offered my condolences and gave her the vet advice. I left it at that.
Perfect! Now quit beating yourself up, you handled it great!
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However now I'm sure she's going to call me back.
First, don't fret over whether she's going to call or not. Second, if she calls then deal with it then. Remember like Steve said, she fired you. If you worked as a ditch-digger for me and then I fired you but then suddenly called and said "OMG I have an emergency! I need you to dig a ditch right now! LIKE RIGHT NOW! But I'm not going to give you a job or pay you for it." Would you do that? THIS IS THE SAME THING.
Well I just left her a brief voicemail apologizing for missing her message and offered my condolences and gave her the vet advice. I left it at that.
Perfect! Now quit beating yourself up, you handled it great!
This is what I was getting at. The "I feel like a butt" (sorry I have a need to clean up language! LOL). You shouldn't. Even if you didn't find the VM for 6 years, you shouldn't feel that way. YOU OWE HER NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZERO.
I actually would give you more of a break if it WERE ANYONE ELSE. But because it is her, and she's put you through what she's put you through, out of everyone else in the world, you shouldn't feel bad at all.
But then I tend to be more of a "you hurt me, I cut you out of my life" person. If my WW had actually left me, or if she does in the future, it will be all business related to our D from that point forward.
Always be DBing..............
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Okay so she texted back and thanked me and told me how it all went down. Then about 15 minutes later she called and left a VM but I'm at work and haven't been able to listen nor respond to either.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
