DB again... too late or last strike

[neffer]

Believe in the process Did. And have your self confidence at hand. To get into amoafwl you need to get those improvements.

You are a DBer, do it!

[Did]

No response and another ft call. may just respond and say hey maybe we should schedule these facetimes.

[Davide]

Why respond at all? Your lack of a response is telling her that you have a life that doesn't revolve around her. Remember, actions not words.

[Did]

Could really use a Sandi post about do what works explaining why not replying works. I hate this sht. All I want to do is connect with my W in healthy ways and heal this relationship thats basically non-existent besides D4.

Love, holidays all that good stuff.... but instead I have to ignore her. Talk about counter intiutive. Thanks all for chiming in.

[Ginger1]

You know what to say. We reiterated it over and over. It's not that you don't know. It's your urges you speak of. You know exactly what to do. The advice on that isn't going to change. So control your urges and you will be doing the right thing.

[Did]

I am... just not saying anything to W.

[sandi2]

Could really use a Sandi post about do what works explaining why not replying works.

You can't rely upon your emotions to guide you through this process. You are too emotionally enmeshed with her drama, and it's very difficult for you to distance yourself from all of it. That's why you need a list of do's and don'ts to follow, b/c you can't trust your feelings. Feelings can be fickle.

Your W appears to be very manipulative. She has "trained" you to respond whenever she snaps her fingers. Sending you a photo, text message, auto/video, etc...…..indicates her snapping her fingers. She keeps you tied to her through the cell phone. Plus, she can do this whenever it is convenient for her. She can do this while you are at work, driving, home, GAL, or whenever she chooses. She's in control as long as she can get a response from you. You cannot beak free emotionally, until you can see a text from her and not have the compulsion to respond. And, as long as you give in to that compulsion......you won't break away from her controlling hold and be your own man.

Why it works with her? As painful as you might think it is, she needs to believe she has lost control over you and that she has lost your interest. You have to prove she's lost these things by showing her the actions that match. You stop being her H. She didn't want to be your W, didn't want the MR...….so stop playing the role of a caring H. That's what works.

I think she has increased her massive phone contacts b/c she senses you pulling away, so she's pouring on the control to capture your attention and time. She wants your attention on her! Think about it. She makes almost everything about her. That seems very obvious to me, and why she wants to be in all the Facetime with D4, and playing on your sympathy b/c she knows you have a gentle heart, etc. These are selfish and manipulative actions. As long as she can control you, she is not going to respect you and she is not going to desire to be your wife. Therefore, you have to break the control. You start with not playing her games, and not responding to her texting.

[Did]

Sandi - perfect thank you. I understand that completely and the respect and attraction relationship is huge. At least for a healthy attraction / relationship. I have not been responding and communicating only about D4. I can sense her interest increasing but interest is not enough. I’m not settling for any more crumbs she can be all in and work on herself to deserve to be my wife or I will go on to a better life with or without her. I am slowly detaching. The compulsion is still there but I’m asking here instead of responding. Also as I do this things are building in my life. I will not allow her or any woman hold me back from reaching my potential.

[RyanHun]

Did,
I think I mentioned before but I was always the one to reach out to W via phone, good morning texts when I got to work, always checking in and seeing how her day was going etc. Stopping this pattern was extremely hard but after a few short days all the feelings of wanting to reach out passed and it became easier. This is something you 100% have to do and I guarantee you that it will help you feel better in the end.

[Did]

Thanks Ryan I was doing that stuff a while back reaching out for good nights and good mornings but those urges have stopped. I still have the urge to respond to her but haven’t been a lot been very minimal. She mentioned not wanting to pester me earlier... whatever that means. Who cares.

How is your sitch ?