Dealing with a WW Pt3

[SoTorn]

Don’t do it Torn. If that worked, she would have changed her mind already. Move forward. Save yourself!!!

I agree. I didnt send her anything.

I ended up taking my kids out to this new age place that's made from old shipping containers. There are a few breweries and several eateries that are all wonderful. We ate pizza, burgers, nachos, ice cream etc. I ate like a pig lol. I didnt doet today. I enjoyed myself completely because I am actually under my goal weight.

D16 took a bunch of pictures of us and put them online. D16 said she wanted mom to see what she was missing. S11 talked to me on the ride home and told me how disappointed he was in WW. S11 is yearning for his moms attention. It made me sad. D16 and S11 both told me that mom pays them no attention anymore. But both of them told me that they are very happy that I never stopped doing things with them and that they are very happy when I take them out and really look forward to when I do things with them.

My kids are now in full "let's plan what we can do with dad for fun" mode now. It's awesome. My kids lift me up so much. I can be down in the dirt and when I am out with my kids I cant even be sad if I tried. I really really enjoy the time with my kids. They have shown me the meaning of true unconditional love. When we are all together the atmosphere is literally pure bliss and happiness.

I made a goal to do something with my kids at least once per week. I have maintained that goal for a long while now. Knowing that my kids love and trust me is more than enough to keep me happy.

I really need to get to the gym tomorrow lol. I ate way too much tonight.

[AnotherStander]

So I spoke with my IC. He suggested that I write WW an email expressing how I am hurt and expressing how I think she feels. IC suggested that I tell WW how I feel in email.

When worlds collide! This is one of those instances where conventional counseling and DB'ing do not align. It's not wrong to write that letter for YOU but you don't want to send it, because once she walked away she ceased to care about your feelings. All she cares about right now is HER feelings.

I have done this to an extent in person and through text. What would be the value of doing this? I already have a constant urge to email/text her. I stop myself because I feel that is pursuit.

You are correct, it also looks desperate, needy and clingy to a WAS. Obviously that's not attractive.

I don't want to move out to punish her. I just want to get away from her at this point.

I can understand that. But I think it's too soon. First, you should only leave if you are well and truly done with her. Like, fully detached and rope dropped. Because if you're doing it just thinking it'll make you heal faster or be happier then consider this: I've seen LBS's here leave the house only to see their WAS move an OM in right behind them. So there the LBS is, living in a small, cramped apartment or even on a friend's couch or parents' basement or whatever, and the WAS is sitting by a cozy fire with OM toasting champagne to the fool that is funding their escapades. Are you detached to the point where you could see that play out and it not bother you? Second, why should YOU be the one that is severely inconvenienced by this? Now maybe the circumstances are unusual like you live in a house she owned before M so it belongs to her, but in most cases the LBS should not move out and should not leave the MBR because it sends a message of strength to the WAS.

WW is constantly looking for little things like my FB posts etc to get mad at me about and when she finds things she doesnt like she always says something like "you want everyone to hate me, see you don't want to fix this!" WW is constantly trying to find stuff to convince herself that I just want to make her look bad and that I don't want to R.

Yeah some WAS's do behave like that. No matter what the LBS does the WAS finds reasons to pick at them. That's her problem, you just keep doing you.

[SoTorn]

Honestly I wouldnt be inconvenienced. I can afford a nice place on my own. If I moved out, WW would have to buy me out of the house, so I could get a house just as nice.

I am considering it, but I have not convinced myself that its worth the trouble at this moment. Also, OM lives with his wife in a different state. WW is out of town again, the last contact I had was her getting mad about me posting on FB. I remain dark when she is out of town. I have nothing to say to her honestly.

I will continue to focus on myself and my kids. I have been keeping very busy and I have been very happy with my personal progress and spending time with my kids.

[sandi2]

So I spoke with my IC. He suggested that I write WW an email expressing how I am hurt and expressing how I think she feels. IC suggested that I tell WW how I feel in email.

Maybe your IC has NGS, too.

[lost8]

So Torn....so happy for you for getting to this point. I think you don't need to do anything more unless you just can't bear being around WW. My concern is the kids...I know in my state my attorney said it could affect custody if you leave. Probably the only reason I am still in the house.

I hit that rope drop point close to a month ago....I could care less what my WW does or who she does it with or what she thinks of my feelings. Like you said how could I R with someone so shallow who has hurt me and my kids and continues to lie her ars off. I have been GAL and have met many new people including women who are genuinely nice and I would consider seeing again. It is an awesome feeling to know life will go on. Another suggestion is get off social media...don't need it especially right now, only creates more conflict and the less she contacts you the better.

I hope you are in the same place as me but I am happy and looking forward to my future. My only concern is how will break it to my W when she comes back around because she has already been taking those steps.

[SoTorn]

So Torn....so happy for you for getting to this point. I think you don't need to do anything more unless you just can't bear being around WW. My concern is the kids...I know in my state my attorney said it could affect custody if you leave. Probably the only reason I am still in the house.

I hit that rope drop point close to a month ago....I could care less what my WW does or who she does it with or what she thinks of my feelings. Like you said how could I R with someone so shallow who has hurt me and my kids and continues to lie her ars off. I have been GAL and have met many new people including women who are genuinely nice and I would consider seeing again. It is an awesome feeling to know life will go on. Another suggestion is get off social media...don't need it especially right now, only creates more conflict and the less she contacts you the better.

I hope you are in the same place as me but I am happy and looking forward to my future. My only concern is how will break it to my W when she comes back around because she has already been taking those steps.

I will keep any posts about R off of SM. I actually have a lot of friends that use SM to set up outings etc. I get to do a lot because I have a lot of friends on FB.

[SoTorn]

Tonight my D16 has a concert. WW is out of town "again". WW texted me asking me to please get video of the concert for her, since you know, she decided to be out of town instead of here with her family "again". I didn't respond. I will take video and put it on YouTube and give it to D16. If D16 wants to share with WW thats up to her.

[lost8]

Good choice, she has to feel the consequences of her actions. If she chooses to miss out on D16s life thats on her.

[AnotherStander]

Tonight my D16 has a concert. WW is out of town "again". WW texted me asking me to please get video of the concert for her, since you know, she decided to be out of town instead of here with her family "again". I didn't respond. I will take video and put it on YouTube and give it to D16. If D16 wants to share with WW thats up to her.

First, good grief that's horrible. One thing I'll say about my ex is she remained a fantastic mom all through our sitch and still is to this day. That just makes me really sad for your D16, she's at that age where parental support is so important. Especially when going through something like this.

Second, great idea on your approach!

[SoTorn]

Tonight my D16 has a concert. WW is out of town "again". WW texted me asking me to please get video of the concert for her, since you know, she decided to be out of town instead of here with her family "again". I didn't respond. I will take video and put it on YouTube and give it to D16. If D16 wants to share with WW thats up to her.

First, good grief that's horrible. One thing I'll say about my ex is she remained a fantastic mom all through our sitch and still is to this day. That just makes me really sad for your D16, she's at that age where parental support is so important. Especially when going through something like this.

Second, great idea on your approach!

Yes, over the last year my WW has detached hardcore from the kids along with me. First it was her attention to her new job, then her EA and then PA. WW chooses work at minimum over family every time. WW has missed a lot in the kids lives this last year.