In between texts about gifts I keep getting texts from WW where she says "you told me that you want to work with me to repair our M but you're not doing anything. You keep showing me that you want nothing to do with me and told me that you dont want me"
Translation- "you're not doing everything I want so I'm going to start guilt-tripping you to get you back in line." Just keep doing what you're doing. Detach. Don't let her pull you into her ridiculous conversations. You can do this!
SoTorn: Hey man there's nothing wrong with what you said to her. She needs to know she is different than she was and it is a problem. She won't really care, though. It may give her pause, but she will self-justify every time. That's what WWs do.
Now you told her you're done, top talking about your game plan. Have you filed for D yet?
No, not yet. I was actually able to have a rational conversation with WW for a change. I spoke with her and just let her know that I am truly done. I need to get away from her. WW initially thought I was just trying to be mean by saying that I want to get away from her. She now realizes that I just want to move on and I cant if she is in my life.
I told WW that I want to move out. I told her that if she wants to file for D I cant stop her. However, I told her that first and foremost I want to move out, but I wasnt going to move out until she agreed to buy me out of the house.
I truly want nothing else from her. I just want half of the equity so I can get a new start and move out. I asked her to go ahead and get an appraiser out so she can refinance and buy me out before interest rates go up. WW agreed and said she would get the process started. We agreed that once I'm moved and settled and once we are confident the children are ok after they start living with us 50/50, we will sit down and end our legal marriage amicably.
WW was starting to temp check like crazy. I dont want to deal with that. It just hurts me even if I dont react. I am looking forward to moving out and getting on with my life. I actually have had several women show interest in me lately. Ever since I started taking care of myself I have gotten a ton of attention.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So now that I seriously dropped the hell out of the rope into the bottom of the sea, WW is being super nice lol and blowing my phone up with texts. WW texted me and said for the first time "My actions are not your fault, I do not blame you for the end of our marriage and for what I did to you".
I told WW that I am very busy and need to get to work. WW keeps texting about the kids, and gifts and about how they are spoiled etc. I will be glad if we can get along every day until I move out. I will be cordial to her. We can get along for the sake of the kids.
I am truly looking forward to moving out and getting on with my life. Yes, I would honestly still consider allowing my WW to come back. However, at this point WW would have to win me back. I have no expectation that she would even consider that. I asked WW to change her last name back to her maiden name.
I am going to kick life's a$$ something fierce.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Heck yeah...good for you! I need to have that exact convo with my WW so she realizes it's over...she wants to stay in M so she can continue to get a free ride at home.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I got almost the same text verbatim last week from WW. I didn't respond. I don't get any temp checks from her, though. I think she's so far gone she doesn't care to see whether or not I'm still attached. Which is fine by me, I guess. I'd rather not deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes along with temp checks. I'm steadily walking the other way.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
I'm having a very hard day today. I need to do this for myself. I have to get away from her. I know that most say not to leave the house. But I feel like I'm drowning and each time I get pulled to the surface I get dunked back under again.
OM lives in a different state. He is married. So I know shes not going to start having him over. But I expect she will start looking for a man once I'm completely out of the way. I accept that. I have to. I am so sad.
Last edited by SoTorn; 12/17/1806:23 PM.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Hang in there. We are all on this sinking boat, but we will make it out if we try. Go for a run or walk on lunch, and hit the gym today. Working out helps get your focus of W and you feel physically better for it.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Hang in there. We are all on this sinking boat, but we will make it out if we try. Go for a run or walk on lunch, and hit the gym today. Working out helps get your focus of W and you feel physically better for it.
Yes, we are all on this sinking ship. It hurts. Fortunately I have a very good leadership team at work. They know I am going through a rough time.
Right now I feel like I am never going to get over this. I feel like I am never going to feel the same again or be happy again. I am doing a good job of GAL. I am acting detached, but no, my emotions are still attached. I understand this. I mean, I had three kids with my WW and spent 21 years of my life with her since I was 16. I loved her dearly. I tried my best to save my M and keep my family whole. But since I can't do that I truly need to get away and focus on myself 100%.
I know I will be fine. I know I can live alone. I will be fine. I have a great job, great kids and will have some $$ to use to find a nice place.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So now that I seriously dropped the hell out of the rope into the bottom of the sea, WW is being super nice lol and blowing my phone up with texts. WW texted me and said for the first time "My actions are not your fault, I do not blame you for the end of our marriage and for what I did to you".
I told WW that I am very busy and need to get to work. WW keeps texting about the kids, and gifts and about how they are spoiled etc. I will be glad if we can get along every day until I move out. I will be cordial to her. We can get along for the sake of the kids.
This is very, very, very common. She thinks you are both on the same page now with S and D. She no longer feels pressure, so can relax and be herself. WAW's feel like they have to be a raving b***** to the LBS to "force" him to want out of the M, which of course has the opposite effect. But once they think the LBS really is on board then they often swing to the opposite side and get super friendly. Doesn't mean anything, other than she no longer feels pressure.
But once they think the LBS really is on board then they often swing to the opposite side and get super friendly. Doesn't mean anything, other than she no longer feels pressure.
And then what happens? And is this something we should aim for or try to avoid?
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
