Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
R2C, thanks for being around and helping. It's great having a long tenured poster like you, truly.

Pain, you and me are both still learning, still not there yet. I'll keep you in my prayers.


Thank you. As will I.

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

Your W is a liar. We knew that already. Set the facts straight with the friend and move on. Think about the photoshoots, holiday plans, family dinners. Yet your W is "clearly" not wanting to be with you. And you want to do family things and gift exchanges.... Man I hate this crap. But this is our life right now.


I did. I told her exactly what was going on. She was not impressed at all and agreed with me that she is a liar. She it genuinely shocked at this person WW has become.

And I did not want to believe that WW was completely different. I still felt like W was there somewhere and that if I got in touch with that person we could have a chance. NGS kept my hopes up.

I was wrong. She has become a completely different person.

A person I don't love. I loved my old W. I still do. Maybe she is still there. Maybe that old W is dead.

I hate this W.


1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
Day 139,

Sleepless.

I am reminded of what my MC first said to me when we first started these sessions...that I will find the truth sooner or later.

I just keep getting more proof and yet I’m still “surprised” when I find out more.

I still have not broken down crying yet, which may be a great thing. But the pain is just as intense.

I keep reminding myself to write down the list of lies W has told these last few months.

And I’m still in disbelief. And very worried that I am going to lose everything I worked my entire life to get.

Is this karma coming back to get me? God punishing me for what I have done in the past? Did I make this worse by refusing to give up? Did I make this worse by pursuit earlier? How is all of this going to end?

Last edited by pain18; 12/15/18 10:14 AM.

1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
Quote
Is this karma coming back to get me? God punishing me for what I have done in the past?


We have bad stuff going on all around us, and sometimes we have bad stuff happening to us. When we are suffering, it does not necessarily mean that God is administering punishment directly to us.

God has a plan for everyone. His plan is perfect, but we are imperfect beings. He created us with free volition. We can be very rebellious and disobedient children. Sometimes we choose to step outside of His perfect will/plan for our lives. He also set up certain laws of nature, divine institutions (such as M), etc. When we have a spouse that is not living according to God's laws of nature, or they are not respecting His divine institutions, then that spouse will face consequences.....in the way & time God sees fit. The faithful spouse and the children suffer.....but not b/c God is punishing them. They suffer in the fallout of the unfaithful spouse/parent decisions. You might say it is suffering by association.

Seems to me, your suffering has come from your WW's choices...….rather than from God. I'm just crazy enough to believe when God has to discipline one of His children, they have a pretty good idea why. smile

((Hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 657
Belief that God is working and has a plan for me keeps me positive and going. It might not be the plan we had in mind, but ultimately I believe if we continue to listen to what he is saying, and keep our eyes and ears open to the choices we should make to get there, we will be whole, happy beings after the fallout is cleaned up.


M: 56
H: 57
S: 22
D: 20

H Moved out: 10/1/18
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,349
Likes: 310
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,349
Likes: 310
Originally Posted by pain18
This is it. It's time to crap or get off the pot. ...I have a lot of prep work to do. A lot....But it's time for this crazy ride to slow down. I need to get this under control. I need to get my balls back.
I strongly suggest digging deep through my quotes thread (start with #3). There is so much wisdom there.


The hard part in all of this is TIMING. First you have to figure out what stage of the process you are at. Then figure out what stage of the process the spouse it at. Then determine what type of interaction and behavoir is the most effective.

In your case, there is a third party involved (OM). Kinda hard to work on a marriage when one person has decided not to.

You are dealing with a spouse that lies and creates deception. Do you want to be this type of person? If not, then the best solution for you is to resolve to "Always speak the truth"...from this point forward until you pass away. Do you want to be married to this type of person?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
R2C,

I agree with you on the timing. I have started to go through the quotes page and taking notes where I can.

Right now, I'm at the stage where I want to lock her out of the house, give her D papers, flip her off, and go about my way.

I don't think that is a healthy way of thinking.

I feel that my spouse has "moved on". That is what everyone outside of these forums are telling me. Basically, she dropped the rope a long time ago and there is no "cheating" or whatnot. She moved on, I did not. Only thing is that she did not give me D papers. And I think it's because of the financial implications. Otherwise, I'd have been out of this a long time ago.

I am not working on the marriage anymore. Maybe I will in the future, maybe I won't. What I am working on however, is myself and being the man I need to be. And being a father I need to be.

I don't want to be married to this witch. I want that person out of my life.

GAL shortly. Photoshoot delayed possibly until tomorrow. So I'm going to go out, lift, and go to a Meetup this evening.

Still no tears. Still no breakdown. Just...anger.


1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
Small but major step taken today:

I created my own checking account. I’m going to transfer assets at next payday.


1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,681
Likes: 3
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,681
Likes: 3
Boom! Good job.

If your W had "moved on" she wouldn't be coming back for more cake all the time. Don't try mind reading why she's doing that or what her exact thoughts are. Just stop allow the cake eating and get yourself mentally strong.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
Day 140,

I’m am majorly depressed. My photo shoot was canceled because no one could agree on a time. My original GAL fell through because I got tired of waiting in traffic, so I just drove to a movie theater and watched a movie.

Then my friend texted me and continues to say how awful this is for me and that they’re sorry and want to come over and make dinner for me.

And then I slept I really late because i simple don’t want to engage in the day.

Temp checks from WW last night asking why I’m distant, curt, etc. I told her I’m fine and wished her good night.

Same routine today.

Last edited by pain18; 12/16/18 06:51 PM.

1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,681
Likes: 3
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,681
Likes: 3
I'm going to tell you something that is dumb, but smart. Kinda.

Stop being depressed. Go enjoy your life. That's it.

Thinking about all the negative stuff is a surefire way to feel "depressed", so go out and stop worrying about it. I don't think you should have been doing that photo shoot anyways. That's cake eating.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard