Seeing some rays of light (pain18 DB IX)

[Phoenix9]

I don't think that is a healthy way of thinking.

Two are and two are not.

Lock her out of the house and go about my way?

[Ready2Change]

I don't think that is a healthy way of thinking.

Two are and two are not.

Lock her out of the house and go about my way?

50/50 here.

[Phoenix9]

Go about my way.

[ovrrnbw]

I don't know what you two are even talking about. Haha sorry!

[Phoenix9]

Right now, I'm at the stage where I want to lock her out of the house, give her D papers, flip her off, and go about my way.

I don't think that is a healthy way of thinking.

I want to do these things, R2C says two of the four are the right choices.

[Ready2Change]

Your goal is to attract you wife back to work on the marriage.

Here is what you FEEL like doing:

1) Lock her out of the house
2) Give her D papers
3) Flip her off
4) Go about my way


Lets start with number 3. Do you THINK that would be attractive to W?
OK, how about #4, do you THINK that that would be attractive to W?


How about #1. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W?


And then we get to #2. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W? She might not like it. But she might think, OMG, pain has grown a pair and is no longer tolerating my disrespect. What else might she think?

[Wanted1]

Your goal is to attract you wife back to work on the marriage.

Here is what you FEEL like doing:

1) Lock her out of the house
2) Give her D papers
3) Flip her off
4) Go about my way


Lets start with number 3. Do you THINK that would be attractive to W?
OK, how about #4, do you THINK that that would be attractive to W?


How about #1. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W?


And then we get to #2. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W? She might not like it. But she might think, OMG, pain has grown a pair and is no longer tolerating my disrespect. What else might she think?

Ok, now you are making me want to just sign my D papers and file them myself. To hell with waiting around to see what W thinks or what she wants......

[Phoenix9]

Your goal is to attract you wife back to work on the marriage.

Here is what you FEEL like doing:

1) Lock her out of the house
2) Give her D papers
3) Flip her off
4) Go about my way


Lets start with number 3. Do you THINK that would be attractive to W?
OK, how about #4, do you THINK that that would be attractive to W?


How about #1. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W?


And then we get to #2. Do you THINK this would be attractive to W? She might not like it. But she might think, OMG, pain has grown a pair and is no longer tolerating my disrespect. What else might she think?

R2C, maybe this is just an extension of "letting it go", but I have just about lost all hope. I feel like doing those things because I am just exhausted. None of the feelings have any motive of R.

I truly am just more focused on self-preservation and moving forward without her. I just continue to think about the actions she continues to do and ask myself why do I care? Why do I want to be with WW if she is introducing him as her BF to our circle of friends? No one in our circle of friends think WW is cheating. They think that I knew she is dating someone else and I accepted it as a new R. Even OM told them I "accepted" it!

My only response to them is that I knew something was going on between the two and that is the extent of it.

What started as a trial S ended up creating a new reality of her and OM as a legit new couple. "Moving on" as everyone says.

I have protested against this so many times, before BD and shortly during. Now, I won't even try to explain because all I would be doing is wasting my breath. I have wasted so much of my energy trying to think why she is doing what she is doing and trying to massage her and her thinking and it all obviously failed.

I am just now starting to realize that there is no rhyme or logic to her mindset and to just let it happen.

Whether it's intentional or not, she is hurting me in ways I thought ANYONE in my life would hurt. The woman who claimed that she loved me and would not see herself having sex with anyone else is doing all of this and so much more. And yet she feels like she is doing nothing wrong. And no one can tell her. None.

I put up my walls because of my perception of what she is doing. And then she asks me "what's wrong?" and calls me curt, cold, and an [censored] when I don't communicate in the nice, happy, friendly way I should be communicating. How can I tell her this without sounding angry? Can I tell her this? No I can't. Because she will take control again.

How can I not be angry? How can I not just go out and scream in pain at all of this and beg for relief from this misery?

And then I look back at the times I reacted that way, and just tell myself that it is going to continue to happen. I have to work on how it affects me. That yes...there is a way I can distance myself without being curt and cold. It's been told to me many, many times. Others have been in it for a longer than I have. Others are in worse scenarios than I am in.

My MR? I just don't know anymore. It's all in the hands of God now. He is going to do what is best. I just hope I can wait long enough to see what it is.

[Phoenix9]

Whether it's intentional or not, she is hurting me in ways I thought NO ONE in my life would hurt.

Fixed wording.

[Ready2Change]

I truly am just more focused on self-preservation and moving forward without her.

This is where you should focus your energy.